help me.. im stuck

Hi.. sorry for the long post .. I want to tell most of the storry to give the best chance that I can find help ..


I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder two years and three months ago.
It all started when I went for a swim in a dam.. It was a huge dam but had cows on the land next to it. I was water skiing after it had been raining for two weeks..

I got home and the next day I felt a little sick. Then the days in I had the worst diarrhea ever.. I was really sick and had missed three days of school. I loved school and this was the longest I had ever stayed home. I was in grade 12 my final year. I didn’t have many friends but the ones I did have were really good. I was involved in a lot of things but hidden things because I wasn’t confident ...
one of them was cooking .. I was the best in my whole school. Not big noting myself at all but it’s the truth .. I showed my teachers how to cook.. I was truly the best my teacher had ever seen in here 35 years as a hospitality teacher. I knew lots and studied heaps. I watched four cooking shows a day . I was also in a group fundraising and also planing the formal at the end of the year .. I didn’t like the formal but it was something to do and im good at fundraising and also saving money. I was starting to be a big part it the hole thing.

It was odd for me to spend three days at home .. I was only sick in the morning which was strange..

I spent a week of from school missing out on lots of work .. my mum was pushing me to go but I just couldn’t .. One day I felt a little better and was doing every thing to stop getting diarrhea .. so one day I felt a little better so I went to school … I was happy to be back .. it was a Wednesday and was a slow day were we had study all day .. I felt so sick in class and went to the toilet 10 times in 45 minuets .. I was really sick and asked to go home ..

I got home not knowing it would be the last day I ever would walk into school ..

I was getting worse trying to catch up on work I had got on my study day .. I was only at school for 55 minuets and went to the toilet 16 times .. I was sick.. so mum took me to the doctor and the same thing .. really bad diarrhea .. he did so many test and nothing come back . the only thing he could come up with is a belly bug from cow poo which must have been in the water in the dam ..

I took lots of drugs and still was not getting any better .. they couldn’t do more and I couldn’t have any more drugs because I had already been on the strongest ones ..

I was in side for five days then out for an hour to go to school.. Then inside for two days and then to the doctors for and hour.. The next time I went outside even to get the mail was two weeks later.. I didn’t know at thew time but u had a phobia of going out of the house.. I didn’t leve to go in the car for two more months ..

I think the diarrhea was from a belly bug .. but it kept going and it didn’t get any better for four months .. Buy this time I could never catch up in school so I stoped trying to think about it even tho there was half a year left..

Then I think my diarrhea was caused buy anxiety .. I was scared of messing up my final year and also didn’t want to answer questions when I got better ..

I was in a bad way.. I hated myself for not completing school even tho I passed because I had had point from the last year .. but I missed out on so many things .. I had planed with hospitality to go to a chocolate factory that had just opened up .... it was my idea and I had worked with a few teachers to make it happen .. I had also planed that every one would have a competition in pairs .. I was with my good friend that could cook really good .. Every one had to make a desert to get judged .. I got sick on the week that it competition started .. I missed out o my competition and my trip .. it was the saddest time of my life so far ..

I had been inside for 8 months only leveing the house for a couple of days in that hole time .. I missed grad and the formel and the big party after it .. I was so upset.. mum took me past so I could see it before it opend . . it was so sad .. I had always wanted to graduate but I dident get to .. I was so sad .. I dident leve the house for another month and buy this time I had done counsiling and was on anti depresents ..

The hole time even to this day I didn’t get one phone call or email nothing from any one to see if I was ok . it broke my hart .. Today I have not one friend.. Only my mum .. every one else didn’t contact me . I have tried lots to connect with friends but they never respond ..

I am and was deeply depressed .. I had missed out on so much and had seen my life turn to nothing .. I become really (statement of self harm) .. I only hang on because it would break my mums hart if I ***** my self .. But even she is giving up now .. I have tried lots of things to get better and nothing has worked .. I am stuck .. my family thinks im useless because I don’t work and have been at home for more then two years .. I cant work and can only just go out side ..

I need help really bad . I have tried counselling and drugs and they help at little but no were near able to go out side .. I don’t know what to do any more ..

I have been threw lots of stuff before this all this started.. like my twin brother abusing me every day and having a un careing father .. My little brother has been good to me but now hates me and I don’t know why.. My mum loves me and always has .. But even she is finding it hard to deal with me ..

My mum and dad split up a two years before my condition. It was hard for me because I was mums rock..

In the last two years I have had trouble with my family.. my twin hates me and bashes me almost every day .. he has lost his good job and is now lieing back at home with us. He smokes **** and drinks a lot. He works on a banana farm and makes good money but not any were clost to what he was making. He has hit me and bashed me a few times .. not any thing broken but lots of bruises and lumps .. I cant do any thing because he has a suspended sentence so I cant get him in trouble because mum will kick me out for sending him to jail … he dose not care about any one . he lives life to the full at every ones sixpence but every one thinks he is the best in the worlds because he doesn’t care about any thing ..

My mum tries hard but I don’t think she knows how bad I am .. its hard because you cant see the problem .. if I had no leg you could understand but this is hidden .. my family and relatives think im making it up so I can live at home .

My dad now hates but never has loiked me but he hates me now because I charged him with assault after he king hit me in the ear after and argument .. I walked away after he tried to hit me in the head because I don’t like fighting.. but when I walked away he followed me and slapped me in my ear perforating my ear drum and causing permanent hearing damage .. it got a massive infection.. I wanted him to pay for medical expensive because he should and not mum .. He wouldn’t so I charged him .. he has since got a lawyer and is fighting me in court over something he did to me .. he has passed the claim in twice and lied to my little brother saying they couldn’t fit him in .. My little brother is getting fed heaps of lies and now hates me for taking my dad to caught .. My bother is 15 and uses every one for his own benefit .. he plays every one ..

My dad is thinking I wont go to court because of my condition which is true .. so he is dragging it out so I will have to go to court and I wont be able to .. so he will win .. he didn’t talk to his mother for 26 years over a fight they had .. it was what I here a small disagreement over something so small .. Like a colour .. he didn’t talk to her ever again . she died a year ago and he didn’t say sorry one her death bed .. he didn’t go to the funeral and had nothing to do with her

Now he will do the same to me ..

I have lots of problems in my life and im really stuck ..

I cant go out side, I cant live by myself because that would be out side .. my brothers and family hate me and tell me most days I should * my self .. my mum loves me and that’s the only reason I don’t .. I cant move out and I cant stay at home getting bashed and assaulted every day . I have tried counselling and medication and don’t know what I can do ..

Could I have been wrongly diagnosed and have something else .. I know it is stress and anxiety tho .. I lost weight first of and now have put most of it back on .. my hair has started to fall out and I have pain in my side when I get stressed ..

I need help … any thing will do

I want to live my life .. I turn 19 in 9 days and I need to start living my life .. any help at all ..

Hi thanks for the comment ..I dont have any one to talk to .. i have no family that likes me .. there is only a few family members left and they all hate me becuse i stay at home and dont work ..

im trying hard to move but I don’t think im ready and it will be hard to live .. also centerstink is not helping much at all .. I don’t get any thing now so its hard to get money for bond and moving cost and also setting up a house .. Then if I do get funding there is no way I could ive on it as my sole income so I will need to work .. but I can go out side so the rules out work and also moving ..

With my brother and dad .. Well me and my dad ( lets call him ******) so me and ****** are in a court battel from him assaulting me .. so now he is making threats towards me saying his lawyer is going to rip me apart .. And a hole lot of other things .. then he is threatening to take my little brother to court because he is a witness ..
Then that caused a lot of problems between my mum and I .. and also my little brother .. we had a argument and now she is not talking to me after she did the wrong thing ..

I cant get away from these things .. I know im not aloud to talk about self harm but im close to it ..

My mum said that I should go to the hospital and get watched .. Because I told her I cant trust my self .. I am truly in trouble and this mental illness is way bigger then I am .. Also the family problems and also abuse from every one and physical abuse from my brother ..

I cant take it much longer and need help

Im meant to go to have a meeting with my disability support worker .. but I cant get there because I cant get a lift there and I cant walk because I will freak out and go hide some were ..

There going to cut support of soon because it has been more then a year and im wasting much needed resources .. so they cant help me for much longer ..

We are still going to talk on the phone an see how they can help with funding because no one can pay for counselling .... but there looking at a support group ..

But its that bad now were I am back worse then what I started with two and a half years ago .. I cant trust any one in my house have no friends at all and no support ..

yes my mum supports me but she proved tonight that she cant be trusted with the information I tell her .. so I cant tell he much any more in fear of her telling my brothers half a story ..or saying stuff to the ****** ..

One break through tho .. my twin (the abusive one) said why he hated me .. there is a person he works with on the bananas that crashed his car an has memory loss .. so then he said he hates me because I do nothing all day .. And there is some one with short term memory loss that is working and has his own house and all that .. He thinks I am making it up to be able to live at home for free .. Every one does ..

So you make your own judgement .. read my top post again.. now why would I throw my 12 years at high school away .. Why would I not go out side even for my own enjoyment .. fare enof it was at party’s and at the pub and going up town and driving around then you could say that im making it up ..

One thing I need help with most of all is a way I cant talk to my mum and brothers with some one at my house and go over how I feel with out interruption.. I need to tell my hole family (or what’s left of it ) that im not making this up and it is a big problem .. my brother hates me because he thinks I am lazy and a few other things that I cant say because there just way to hard core to post here .. I am embarrassed to say what he calls me ..

I need some one there so I got get assaulted .. he hates me so much and even saying one ting about me and he hits me .. so I need a safe place to talk it over .. and also some were to go if he does walk away .. I see I only have one chance to talk .. if I start talking he will try and hit ma and if some one is there he still will but then I couldn’t go home because he will bash me for even saying something

Is there away that I can do this .. and also get them to want to do this .. I am so close to doing that thing that I cant say that I am scared to stay at home buy myself.. I get so deeply depressed that I just cant take it any more.. I try to talk my self out of it but its getting so bad that I cant .. I see total doom .. I think I will get killed buy my brother or my dad or they will hurt me so bad psychologically that I wont be able to live a normal life ..

I know it seems a bit strange nut could I be psychologically messed up because of my child hood .. there’s lots of things that have made me sad .. I wanted to do the S word when I was 7 .. I hated my life so much and have never gotten much better .. I have always been unhappy..

I have a twin and he has always been better then me at a lot of things .. And if I can do something that he cant he can just do it the first time.. One thing would be trampolining .. I was about 6 and loved the trampoline and I was getting lesson on it .. like how to flips and all f that... I was training for a competition and got my family and my friend to watch .. I did my routine .. and every one clapped // I was so proud .. Then I hoped of and every one was so happy.. then my twin goes who cant do that and hoped on the tramp and did my routine perfectly and threw in a couple of back flips and a few front flips at the end .. then every one was so proud of him ..

It was probably the first time I can remember that he just was better then me with out trying .. No one talked about me they were all focused on him saying wow your so good .. Your better then him and it was your first go at it .. You should go try out for the team .. Your really good .. and then he said why would I go train .. im already better then him and its gay any way .. And every one laughed

I was hart broken but then my dad said why are you crying because hes better .. and called me a sook ..

I have always been the other twin .. Growing up what ever I did my twin was better .. at school and sports.. So I did art and loved it same thing happened like the trampolining lessons.. I think that has made my self confidents die .. I have no self confidence and even see my self doubting my ability when I no I can do it but think that I cant or im unsure if I can and don’t want to break any thing ..


The way I see it now I will never get better . Many people ask look into the future and I do and all I see is nothing at all except darkness .. its just black .. I try to think of the positives but I really cant see one at the moment accept looking after my little dog .. I love him and he loves me but even that is now recked because my brother has his three dogs here and my dog doesn’t want to spend time with me and eat ice cream together on the couch wile watching day time tv .. he wants to play with the other dogs ..

I don’t see a future.. And if you think im making any of this up why would I .. No one knows me .. And why would I come on a forum posting about me life and lie .. just want to make that clear .. I find lots of people think I lie .. I never do .. what’s the use of telling lies.. it doesn’t make you better it makes you worse and fake ..

I hope there is someone that can read this and help me .. I have done every thing I can think of .. it’s a small town and I have done every thing from here .. I have even got help from out of town .. I just don’t know what to do any more and I can not hang on for much longer .. You can only go so far with flat tyres before you cant go no more .. and I have been going for a long time and I feel if things dot get better that drive will end ..

PLZ just write what ever .. I need any help .. I don’t care if you think its dumb or wont work .. I need help and I need as much as I can .. I want to live my life with out contestant fear ..

Hi Isolated, I'm back.

I just re-read through your post, and first off I want to say that I do believe every word that you have written, and I am sorry for the way that your family has treated you.

We cannot always change the circumstances of our situations, but we can change our reaction to it. I want you to know that in spite of what you may feel, or what you've been told by others, that you are a wonderful person full of worth. You posted that your twin brother has always been better at everything...well I can tell you that he is not better at being a good person, and in my opinion that is the most important challenge in this life...and you took that prize:)

I do have some suggestions for you. Your family is obviously not going to be a source of support for you (more the opposite) so you must find your own. Follow through with your disability support worker. Do everything in your power to make it to that meeting. You are strong, and resourceful and you can make this happen.

Also go after being part of that support group with everything you've got. This could very well be the first and most important step in making a break from isolation. You will meet others and form connections to the world outside of your family. This is going to be your key to unlock the world for you.

Another thing that I want you to try is an on-line therapy called Moodgym www.Moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome  It is a free, go at your own pace form of CBT therapy. It will teach you how to view things in a positive, confident, healthy light. You have been steeped in negativity too long...it is time to turn that around. Your self-esteem has suffered from the way that you have been brought up, this can help you to be the strong, in control person that you were meant to be.

We also have an Anxiety Resource Guide here. (3rd post main page) There are links to sites that will help you get through the really tough anxiety with breathing and relaxation exercises.

Finally, if you are truly feeling ******al, you need to seek immediate help. I get the impression that you are not in the States, so I don't know your local hotlines, but call someone right away if the thoughts of self-harm persist.

Keep talking with us. You can post, chat, or both. We are here to support you, and we care. Let us know how you are doing soon.

Take care friend,
Scaredy Cat

sorry my computer brokeandits hard to type onmy old laptop becus it has so manny missing kees and over heats quickly.. i will reply befor the week end ,, thanks heaps

sorry for the long post .. i think i just need to let you know a few things and the problems i have so you can help me .. you cant help if i dont tell you any thing .. sorry for the long post tho ... i need help

hi .. i have tryed to get suport but i cant .. they wont give me diserbility until im 21.. im only 19 and i cant get enough to live on my own ..

i wouldeny be able to do any were .. thats my problem .. im over liveing like this .. i have tryed to get help and it dosent work. i need a way out but i cant find it . i need my mum to understand but she dosent want to lisen .. she said how can i help and i said listen .. if you cant listen how can you even know my problem ..

i need help i cant find. i cant live like this any more  .. how can i get out side and trust other people if the people that mean every thing to me dont care about me ..

my mum said that she feeds me and dose every thing to give me a good home .. but she doses next to nothing to help me with my problems .. she thinks that she does every thing for me and i need to help my self .. its not my problem to deal with .. yes i have to deal with my anxity but i cant when i have so much other problems that i dont need ..

Im over my brother talking about me to mr angry to get what he wants . im over getting bashed and haveing my things broken becuse my brother can just do it ..

like yesterday he threw a pipe at my dog and smashed him in the back and his legs and as my dog was crying he was laughing at him .. then when he was limping and crying to get to me and get into his bed he laughed at him ..

he is a *** *** .. mum said he has isues becuse of the breack up .. he has all ways been this way .. when he was about three he climed upi on the first story roof out of the window and jumped of the roof infront of every one just to get atention .. he has always been like this .. every one lets him get away with it ..

about three weeks ago I tryed to sell my car so i can get a better car with my little saveings .. but he just decided to jump on the bonet becuse he could .. he put a big dent in it and no one cares ..

i cant fix it i need to replace the bonet .. its not a deap dent but its big and is on a suport bar so it cant be poped out .. its very noticable tho and the car looks poorly treated ..

he is so cotroling and i dont know what to do any more ..

i cant lock my self im my room becuse he bracks my stuff untill i come out ..

the other day he threw a spanner at my motor bike and caused $100 damage becuse I dident make him food ..

so then i cant do any thing from there .. he wont pay for it and my mum dosent care ... so now i want to sell my motorbike so i can get a car and try to get a job ... but i have to spend at least 100$ to fix the damage that he did ..

i can go over so manny recent things that he has done .. he smashed my camara becuse i dident let him go on the computer .. it was broken any way but that wasent good enough for him he just wanted to use it .. so i turnd it on and it dident work and he said i did some thing to breack it so he walked in and smashed my camar on the desk and threw all of my stuff on the bench .. he broke a 300$ camara my keybord and my printer just becuse he could .. there is nothing i can do to get the money to replace it ..

i cant get treated like this .. i hate being home buy myself with him becuse one day he will kill me or hurt me realy bad just becuse i do some thin wrong to him or dont do some thing ..

he hates me and no one cares .. mum wont do any thing .. she wont move him out or help him move but wants him gone .. i cant have him here .. i had problems with my family before he moved back but he makes it 100 times worse ..

how can i get away from hom and stop him breacking my stuff .. he has broken every thing and dosent care ..

i cant call the cops and get them to do any thing becuse he has a sespended sentance and mum said if i call the police she will kick me out for sending him to jail for nothing ..

so i cant get protection and no one cares what he does to me .. i cant stay in my room becuse he smashes every thing untill i come out .. I can heal but my stuff cant so i come out and get bashed just so my stuff dosent get broken .. im trying to sell every thing so he has nothing to breack but he keeps breaking every thing before i get to sell it .. i had people wanting to look at my car and he jumped one it and pissed all over it infrount of his friends .. so i had to wash it and try it fix the dent and i couldent so i had to tell the person that it wasent ready to look at and he said there is some thing wrong with this car for you to do that and went away .. so after i cleaned it i called him back and he dident want to know any thing about it .. he was so keen to have a look and was going to buy it ..

i cant live like this .. he breacks every thing untill i come out and if i dont he smashes every thing and then starts to breack into my room .. he got in one day and bashed me becuse I told him to wipe his feet .. so he told me to shut up and called me every name he could think of .. and all i said is i cleaned the floor and he went off and hit me and i got away and he started to breack my stuff .. then he tryeds to get in threw the window and then he just un screwed the lock and got in .. then bashed me ..

He just hates me and no one cares .. I cant live like this ..

is there any thing i can do

help me