Anyone here suffer from borderline personality disorder?

lynn71,

I have been recently diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and Borderline, Manic-Depressive, Panic Disorder. Have you done any researching yourself in regards both to Borderline and Bipolar 2? I really researched both and purchased a few books on Borderline. I'm sure your aware that Borderline has 9-symptoms and you have to have at least 5 of them to even be considered with BPD. I happen to have all 9.

I have been taking Gabapentin (Neurontin), which is a mood stabilizer, for 10 months. It definitely helps me. My psych recently started me on Buspar and am waiting for to see if it is going to work which can take around 2 weeks. The Gabapentin I felt right away working. I was weaned off my anit-depressant Effexor in May after taking it for years. I have tried Abilify which is very expensive and Psych Dr. thought I was reacting to it so took me off. Tried Zyprexa also and disliked this med a lot! I haven't tried Lamictal but Dr. is considering this med but concerned about the side-effects. I am unable to take Benzo's as their addictive and my Dr. won't put me on anything that is possibly addicting.

If your really having problems I would try the mood stabilizer's. If you end up not liking it then you could stop. I, however, don't know what i would do without my Gabapentin, this med has saved my life. It has only been in the last 9-months that I began receiving help for a suicide attempt. I have been Truly Blessed with an amazing Psychiatrist who treats me awesome...i see her still every week.

I wish you all the best and hope you can get your meds working for you. I pray you can find a Psychiatrist that will really work for you, this is a must.

Your Healingwell Friend,
Serenitee

If you ever want to chat about Borderline and or Bipolar 2, you can find my email address on the members thread.

 i was so stressed today under alot of pressure with my mom. it was/is a friends bday party today earlier this evening. my mom use to be kind of friends with her, butwas in the past. since i came to live with my mom i've befriended her, and through her she opened my life up to new positive wonderful loving and compassionate people. everything my mom is not. well since we have become good friends my mom is extremely jealous. so i have to make up stories about where, what, why and how when i leave the  house. i hate to lie, but i can't stand being berated by my mother. calling everyone nast names, calling me a ungrateful *****, just because these people she can not get along with, and i can. well i didnt know she had made an appt. for her dog to get looked at because after the groomer saw him yesterday he said the dog has a lump under his front leg. the appt. was at 4:30 and i already had plans for my friends party, one of which i made the cake. so i said to my mom i can go 2mro because i already had plans. she flipped out so bad. she wants to rule my every move. she sufficates the air out of my lungs. up my butt constantly. BUTTTTTT if she has somewhere to go or do it's all good, but if she's alone and has nothing to do she expects me to be her 24/7 live in companion. i have 2 brothers who can not stand to come over. unfortunately my dad died in 1992 he had liver cancer. he was the glue to our family kind loving compassionate generous. happy just to cook and watch tv read the paper, whatever. sooo coool. miss him so much, but he enabled my mom. she has stopped drinking since 1994. 2 years after my father died so he never had the opportunity to see her sober. I think my mom masked a chemical disorder with alcohol.she still has this inner rage, mean, jeolous, low self esteem unless she lavish's  herself with expense clothes or jewlery, make up.etc: actually had a mole biopsy monday, and after the doc did that shot her up with botox. she never asked me togo, because she didn't want me to know about the botox, but will turn around and tell my brother, or her friends that i'm selfish and didn't even offer to take her. i didn't even know where she was, she'll take off not let me know where she goes, will forget her cell phone. it's a mess. i don't know if i should call her dr. and discuss her personality disorders. is it signs of dementia?? she hates that i am living with her i had to come to her, didn't know i was going to get so sick and would have to give up everything and be stuck. it's a tuff situation. I really don't want to go on more meds , i think she needs something to get that hate and jealous knot out of her stomache. let me live and breathe. i just don't know what to do. well good nite all.

  hi stkitt, thanks for the infor on BPD unless i can get mom to go see a dr. i'm at my wits end. Don't know what to expect from her on a hourly basis. Always walking on eggs. Not knowin how she'll react to anything.. i've tried talking to my brothers, but communication with then is limited. More or less sweeping it under the carpet. My mom's approach to her personality is AA. That's all good. At least she has a handful of friends who can still tolerate her only small doses at a time. She's burnt everyone out with her mood swings, snarky judgemental sarcastic better than tho attitude. How long can anyone deal with that. Then wham, bam thank u mam, i get it full swing at home. Pretty scarey to see your mother so upset and confused. She's been lieing (lying) alot lately. only to turn things around and make herself a victum and i'm the one who is berating her. I get really stressed out when she does this. I feel as if all her AA friends already have a resentment about me before i met them.Well i know for sure AA is not and i repeat not helping her with mood swings, anger, depression, abandenment issues, crazy behaivor and overall well being. By now after 15,16,17 years???one would think she would've grasped a little serenity. oh no. Retail Therapy works for her, buying new clothers, new anything for herself.She did help out with airfare for my daughter and grandson to visit, but that was after she blurted out to me in front of my son and his girlfriend. "You... I should've killed my self before giving birth to you". it hit me right in the middle of my heart. Out of nowhere. We were getting ready to go to dinner for my son's bday....maybe she was nervous, not feeling well, in pain, don't know but i'm the target and she can be really mean, hit below the belt, brings me to tears. I'm at the point where i don't want to be in her company because of her negativity is horrific. well if there are any tools of trade i can get from anyone on how to deal or help her and i please let me know. Just want to be able to love her, but she's making it harder and harder by the day.Take care and have a great day. wishing all good things your way.xoxo

hi lynn71, thank you for the reply, i am sorry for your current condition, i know it's not how you want your life to be, you can't help it, it's just there. But the difference between you and my mother, she will not go for help. Just repeatin the same behaivor and not realizing it may be a chemical imbalance that can be cured through therapy and meds. the medication is a huge issue with her since she's in a 12 step program she's totally against meds, unless it's a medication for the fountain of youth. She portrays herself as such a well put together person with a strong opionated mind. Pushes everyone away with her judgemental behaivor and sarcastic humor. Also has a very foul mouth wich is so wrong on so many levels. She saves the good ones for me, and i'm no prissy by any means, but i find it unaccepable. And call her out on it all the time. I am seeing a dr. which put me on Lamictal. I didn't do well on it, gave me really bad sores in my mouth. I wish it didn't have the effect because i want to be in the state of mind where i can focus and not get so hemmed up with her behaibvor.Would like nothing more to let it roll off my back, but can't. The below the belt blows hurt me deeply. I have the book you mentioned a friend gave it to me the other day. It was so ironic because i was reading outloud just the back of the book outloud in front of mom, she turned around to me and said"That Sums Me Up 2 a T". I was dumbfounded. I will read it, i would love to be able to understand her fears, her abandumant issues, the rejection, sudden outbursts of violence.Her self destructive tendencies. Her inability to be alone. Her deep depression. It's all there in black and white. Yes I will educate myself, but I don't want to have to medicae myself on enough meds.But it all makes sence so 2mro I will start the book and hopeully i can get some answers and tools in order to deal with her. thanx again for the reply wishing you all the best.sincerely,sue

Looking for serenitee..
K

There are other ways apart or in addition to medical or psychological help that can help a person feel more balanced in their feelings.
I don't know anyone's individual situation and I believe it is sometimes necessary to look for professional help. If you can find other people who understand the problems that are bothering you and how you with your own mind can overcome them. Not many professionals understand what they call BPD and without shirking responsibility for my own behaviour, from personal experience the understanding of human mind by professionals is limited. I even doubt my earlier diagnosis of BPD and even if we all here are BPDs we are individuals and all suffer with individual problems. Just saying BPD doesn't mean much. What do you feel on a day to day basis, what is making you feel this way? What has happened to cause those feelings?
If someone is abandoned emotionally all their life they will feel bad, feel unloved, feel there is something wrong with them that caused them to be rejected. This isn't true. then it is normal to be afraid about being hurt again. So it isn't good emotionally to feel hurt but isn't it normal. I try to look towards the future and see how what happened in my past doesn't have to cloud my future. The past feelings belong there. How to leave them there is difficult it is possible though.

Lynn77,

Hello and thank you for your input into this thread.  You are right, it is an old thread and referring to BPD I am not sure you are indicating Bipolar Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder.  I am guessing you mean Borderline personality disorder: A personality type characterized by difficulty forming and keeping stable relationships, highly emotional or aggressive behavior, impulsivity, and rapid shifts in values, self-image, mood, and behavior.

As with all mental health disorders each one can be coupled with another.  I have depression, anxiety and PTSD. 

We don't have many members with Borderline Personality Disorder that join the anxiety forum. 

I do have a dear friend that has this disorder and I have always supported her.  She does well most of the time but does have special needs and has a social worker that she works with closely.  I admire how far she has come over the years. She is truly a special person.

Kindly,

Kitt

 

And I also occasionally have depression. I react badly to stress and sometimes get so upset that I can't think logically. So I react - impulsive behaviour I guess. I
used to have anorexia as a teenager.
I understand all this must have meant to professionals that it is BPD.
I met my partner 5 years ago and with his help gotten better because he cares and helps me get better with my own mind what my then therapist tried to do. She was correct in theory but for variety of reasons it did not work out in practice.
I paid thousands of dollars to mental health professionals and was very angry with lack of help and understanding. Looking back now I see that one needs to get along with the therapist and have trust which is mutual. This did not occur with my therapist and she did not seem to believe what I described happened to me. Therapists are human and have their own perceptions and it's hard to get to know someone seeing them 100 min a week. My partner lives in one home and that's how he knows me. :)

5 min Isn't much time at all. 30 years of suffering is a very long time. I had problems from very early on too, but was diagnosed close to 20 years ago. I beleive that the emotional problem I had was best treated with talking therapy. I spent over $20,000 for this. For some reason my therapist disbelieved a lot of what I told her about some events in my family which lead to treatment failure. If someone does not believe that the abuse mostly emotional I have sufferered was real then she coudlnt treat my problem. It was trauma related so I think BPD is somewhat like PTSD. I had traumatic childhood, as well as neglectful which also causes trauma. 6 years is very long time to be in treatment. But I used to know 3 women in my twenties who also were in their twenties (we used to study, work or do a hobby together) who at the time were in their respective treatments for 6 and more years. I personally don't understand why stay so long if they aren't getting better but all of them said they were. I didn't know their diagnosis. I knew one person dx borderline like myself, she attempted to commit suicide and was in and out of mental hospitals. When I spoke to her I felt she was made to feel guilty of her own issues. This was what my therapist started doing with me this led me to discontinue treatment. I thought I just was unlucky but it looks more common than I thought. I'm sorry I can't give much advice. Just hang in there and sometimes life turns out for the better. I was lucky as at the time I nearly gave up hope. Like I said before all the help for me was from a person close to me. I don't have kids. Your daughter not being able to handle being around sad people isn't very sympathetic to you. Is she a teen? I guess it can be hard for a young person struggling with their own life changes. People normally drift away from negativity
.It isn't wrong to vent. That's part what this place is for ? I had many many people drift away when I was going through tough times. Often I was blamed for my own issues. If you have PTSD it isn't your fault. Some people who drifted away from me believed the perpetrators that caused my issues and I dont feel I miss anything. People generally can be really cruel and the people who stand by you are hard to come by. If you family or friends aren't helping they aren't really great family. Families are to love and care.