Well I knew this would happen sometime...

I just heard that my Grandma who is 94 is very ill and probably won't make it past another 2 weeks...

She has had a good long life.I don't know her well and we are not close as my Dad comes from a large farm family and there is tons of kids/grandkids...She hasn't known my name in over 25 years or which of her sons I am the daughter of..(And she doesn't have dimensia either...)

I am so nerved up knowing I will have to go to this funeral across the city.I live in a city of over 1 million and to get anywhere takes along time and traffic jams.I mean I just can't/don't/won't venture out of my comfort zone or area of the city..I have major panic/clostrophobic attacks and it always ends badly...

So I don't know what to do or how in the hell I am going to handle it..If I just say NO..I'm not going and don't go I will never hear the end of it from my Dad and his family but I really don't see how I am going to make it there without having a major episode and literally poop my pants..Embarrassing I know....but that's what happens if I can't find a washroom and there isn't any on the freeways...I am so scared and nerved up..

Hubby is wonderful and says..Screw it...Don't go and I'll go on your behalf..who cares what anyone thinks..I don't really care what my Dad's family thinks but I know my Dad will be hurt as it is his mother...

This is killing me and she hasn't even passed away yet..

Any advice...So defeated...I've been doing so well too...

Hi KK, I am sorry to hear about your Grandmother and your dilemma.

Let me first say that I certainly don't disagree with Kitt. She has many wonderful points that she brought up in her post! I think just for the sake of having another point of view, however, I will put one out there, then you have both sides to ponder.

Some things in life either can't or shouldn't be avoided. I am not saying this is one of those times, but...something like this could be a good practice for something bigger and harder that has to be dealt with later on.

Maybe if you carefully plan (I'll get into that more later) on attending this event, it can be a step in your recovering. We can't completely shield ourselves from our fears and grief, but we can 'practice' healing by taking small steps.

If you explain to your dad exactly what it will do for you to attempt to try to attend and stay through the funeral, he may have more understanding towards your efforts. Even if you do not make it through the whole event, or even make it to the church at all, he will know that you made the attempt.

With that in mind, if you choose to try it, set up a clear plan of action. I'm sure you will want your safe person (your husband) with you. You may need to ask your dr. about extra rx help. You will probably want an escape plan or signal to your husband to turn around and get you home, should you start to feel unwell, ect...Whatever makes you feel secure, employ it!

Again, I am not saying that you should go, I am just playing 'devil's advocate' and giving you some more to think about.

Like Kitt said, the decision is YOURS!

Let us know what you decide, we are your support:)
Scaredy Cat

Thnx Kitt...I knew you wouldn't mind me playing 'opposition' simply for the purpose of presenting all possible decisions and outcomes for K.K:)
S.C.