The monster is back

I began having panic attacks when I was 16. Like most people when they first started I was terrified not knowing what was happening to me. I, like most with panic disorders became depressed as well. I was hospitalized in a childrens physiatric ward for 6 days. I had a wonderful Dr who explained to me what was happening to me and helped me explore the reasons why. I was given Paxil and Xanax(the Paxil was not a good thing for me so I stopped taking it after about a month). At the time I was living with my mother who has abused me physically and emotionally since I could remember, which is what I think started this whole issue to begin with. At 17 I moved out with my boyfriend(who is currently my husband) and slowly the Dr tapered me off the Xanax. Guess what, no panic attacks. I'm 33 now and about a year ago my husband lost his job and then I lost mine. We lost our house and cars and everything. I was still able to cope, hard as it was I was doing ok. Then we had to move into my mothers house, with her. about 3 months ago that feeling came back, you know the one you can never forget once you have felt it. My heart was pounding, the sky was falling, I couldn't breath, the tingling feeling was in my entire body, crying hysterically, etc... Then I started having heartburn, dizziness, nausea, sleeping all the time etc.. I went to a Dr, a new one as my old one had retired. He said I had GERD and depression. He put me on prilosec, and then tried to prescribe me Zoloft. I asked him for something to take for the anxiety as the anti depressants take 4-6 weeks to work. He said that would be a "band aid" and he wouldn't feel comfortable giving me a "band aid". I asked him what should I do then as I have a life and this is making me hide away and avoid everything because I'm in fear of having panic attacks around people and in public. He said to breath through it!!! So...Well I never even picked up the Rx for the Zoloft, I went online and read that the most common side effect was anxiety and was like no way, I dont need anymore of that! So for the last 2 months I've been suffering. Finally I went and saw another Dr an explained to him what was going on and so on. He prescribed me Xanax .05 mg and Prozac 10mg. I know the Xanax is habit forming but it's the one thing that helps. You don't have to take it all the time and if you don't abuse it you can stop taking it if your symptoms go away. I have the bottle of prozac, but I'm so afraid to take it. I keep procrastinating and don't know if I should or if I should wait and see if I get better, as some days are better then others for me. I think moving in with my mother has had something to do with it. I know it's also hereditary and there are other women in my family with panic disorders and they all abuse drugs to cope. The fact that it had been so long since I'd had any issues and then all the sudden, ROAR, the old monster rears it's ugly head makes me think its living here. My Dr says no, he says that it's not a situational thing. He said it's just something I have and may come and go my whole life. He said my situations in life can worsen it, but not cause it. I don't know what to do guys, can some of you give me any insight about the prozac? Someone suggested me taking only half a pill, 5 mg to see how it affects me. I'm one of those who feels everything taking place or anything out of the norm with my body. Also I can't remember if I had the dizziness before with the panic, as sometimes I have it when I'm not having an attack.could this be from the GERD?!! Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Hi MG, and welcome, yes unfortunately the monster that is anxiety does come and go in our lives doesn't it.......medication is great but I totally agree with scaredy cat, therapy is fabulous, it gets to the core of the problem...I have just started and while I am no where near better I can see some positives from it already in the way I think things thru.....so please consider it...and this is a great forum for support, friendship and a shoulder to cry on or someone to have a laugh with.....we really are like a family so again welcome and I look forward to your posts to let us know how your getting on.....best wishes to you shannon

Thank you all so much for your kind words and supportive input. As you all probably know it is a comfort to know that one is not alone in battling anxiety/ depression. I can say that it seems so much harder to battle then when I was a teen just for the fact that I didn't have children then. This is what makes it so much harder, them seeing me this way. They are 15 and 11 and here's not alot I can hide from them these days. They see me on edge and the see the isolation. Finally, the other day I told them I have a sort of condition and that I was going to be better soon. What else could I say? Then there's my husband who is one of those, "snap out of it" types of thinkers. Can I blame him though? I mean if you have never suffered through these things how can you possibly understand. Sometimes he makes things so much worse for me. I know he's not meaning to, but it pushes me away from him. For instance, I have the Prozac on my nightstand, and he asks if I've taken any(I've had it for 3 days). I told him no that I was still trying to decide whether I was going try it. Well then he gets all upset and says that I should just take it and what was the point of me going to the Dr if I'm not going to take the meds, and so on. I felt like just taking one to make him be quiet. Anyhow, I'm going to try CBT, I read up on it and it seems to have a great success rate. I'm also going to try yoga(at home for now) and other exercise daily. I've read that makes a difference too. I have to conquer this, I just have to. I need to get back to work and back to my life, most importantly back to having peace.