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Nothing like a good ol' emotional breakdown...

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 8/12/2011 12:30 PM (GMT 0)
So today has been a really bad anxiety day and I'm just feeling completely drained.
I woke up this morning feeling like absolue and utter crap. Nausea, dizziness, couldnt breathe, feeling extremely emotional, etc. I'm due for my periods so i put it down to that. I went to chiro and told him, he cracked me and I felt a million dollars for the rest of the day. Yaaay!!!
... Then I got home. I had a shower and started getting heart palpitations. Did my breathing and was all good for a little bit. Then I sat in bed and started feeling anxious again. Did more breathing, did my positive thoughts and felt ok. Tried to watch tv, but not feeling all that great. Had to vomit so I did and then I just burst into tears and I couldn't stop and still can't. My mum came home from work and we sat and talked and she tried to calm me down but I just can't seem to stop crying and asking why.
I just feel completely defeated. I'm trying my positive thoughts and my breathing but I just dont feel strong enough. I just wish this stupid anxiety will go away.
I feel a bit better now. I know I'm ok and healthy and there's nothing to worry about and it's probably just my hormones causing havoc and it's slightly comforting. But there's still this tightness in my chest and I feel like I can't breathe and right now I just want to sleep. So I'm going to try - fingers crossed that I can relax enough. :)
Posted 8/12/2011 1:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hi CB, I am so sorry that you had a rough day! It is so frustrating when even when we do our best, and make efforts to fight it, the anxiey seems to get the best of us. It happens, and I just like to think of it as a small setback. When we are on the road to recovery, it can feel so great to have some relief from the anxiety, and them suddenly, it can reappear, leaving us feeling devastated:(

The important thing to remember is, it happens to everybody, and is part of the process. There are going to be times when it comes back (or tries to) and learning to accept this, and continuing on to fight another day is what it takes to make it through.

Remeber that even though you felt frustrated that your regular techniques didn't work this time, they really do make a difference. Some days and episodes are just harder than others to get through...don't give up on your coping mechanisms or yourself! (and like you said, hormones do play a big part of A/P for women!)

I hope that you got some good, quality sleep, and that today is a better one for you all around. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing soon:)
S.C.
Posted 8/12/2011 2:50 PM (GMT 0)
Chrissy

Oh my, oh yes............Been there way to many times.  I used to wake up in tears and pray that someone would help me yet nobody was home.  I always promised myself that I would get up everyday and get dressed which I did.  But I would then land on the couch and the tears would turn into sobs and I would hug my dog and ask him to help me...... smhair

I would feel hopeless and useless and fear that I would never make it through the day.  But I always did somehow.  My favorite mantra to myself was "stop it" or "STOP IT" . 

Other days I would have a crying spell and then I would feel better letting out the built up emotions and could go on my way.

My psychiatrist worries that I am like a pressure cooker as I let off a little steam and then I hold back the rest and go on my merry way until the kettle boils over and I crash so I am trying not to do that.

So, Chrissy, don't worry if you have a bad day,  let out the pain and sadness, the anxiety and fear and then let go of the bad day and move forward knowing that you have many good days in your future.

Please know coming here is a wonderful and courageous step. You are voicing your fears so you know what they are.

We've got your back my friend.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt


Posted 8/12/2011 9:04 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the input guys. :) I still feel really bad today but as they say, the show must go on. As much as I'd like to sit in bed and cry all day, I can't exactly do that. I'm going to continue my positive thoughts today and pray that I get to the end of the day without becoming a nervous wreck again.
Posted 8/12/2011 10:08 PM (GMT 0)
Hi chriSsy, I'm so sorry you ave been having a rough couple of days....hormones are killers aren't they, I am going thru menopause and my hormones are all over the place somedays....remember we all have rough days that we think will never end, but thank god they do, and we all feel defeated by our anxiety but we will overcome it....and good on you for continuing your breathing and relaxation..you see that is an achievement, you tried to relax and you concentrated on your breathing....sometimes I say to myself when im really anxious " Stop, and breathe, I can do this, this will pass, these feelings won't last forever"...

And yes life goes on in spite of all we go thru and it's ok to cry..just like kitt said...sometimes I used to sit and cry all over my poor puppies....sometimes I'm sure they were waterlogged from my tears...hugs to you and I know you will feel better soon, keep up your good work.....shannon
Posted 8/13/2011 5:33 PM (GMT 0)
Chrissy, I really like that fact that you felt bad, but continued with your day "the show must go on"...good for you and that is what it takes...can't let it take you completely over.
For what it's worth, I have read things and tried things...some work, some don't, everyone is different. I read that sometimes it's OK to get mad almost as a diversion and as Kit said for her she would think "stop it"...I even tried putting a rubber band around my wrist and I would begin to snap it against my wrist if I thought I felt panic coming as a diversion. Now, all of that or some of that might work for some, but what I found worked best for me was to just roll with it and not fight it in any form or fashion.....I know, easier said than done right...right!
But what kept me doing it is, I did start to notice it would ease much quicker...my analogy is...anxiety is truly like a bully...give him attention and he won't go away, ignore him long enough and he will stop and move on.

So using that method coupled with truly being compassionate toward myself, talking to myself in a comforting way and a reassuring way....basically don't be telling yourself you are some kind of failure....you wouldn't do that to a best friend, so make sure you don't do it to yourself. Lots and lots of baby steps....setbacks, sure...they happen but over all keep you focus on the big picture and keep the hope.
Benny
Posted 8/16/2011 10:56 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks guys!! And Benny, your post inspired me. I've read a few things about just riding through the panic rather than fighting it and I like your analogy of it being a bully. I've just been too scared to try it to tell you the truth, but I'll try my best to give it a go next time I have an attack. The hardest thing I think is telling myself that I'm not a failure because ssometimes I really do feel like one.

On another note, I saw my therapist today and he taught me a new relaxation teqnique and I'm confident that it'll help me. My periods are over so I'm feeling back to normal again. Except for a strange pins and needles/numb feeling in my foot - which I'm trying my best to ignore - and I notice myself tensing up every so often so I find myself having to consciously relax my muscles. For now I think I just really need to sleep. And I pray that this week is better than the last. :)
Posted 8/16/2011 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
Chrissy, you are doing great so keep up the good work! Keep practicing what you are learning in your sessions, and things will continue to get better for you...but most of all remember that you are a WINNER. I won't have the 'F' word around here now! (failure, or the other one either lol:)

Seriously though, you became victorious over this the moment that you sought help and looked to overcome the anxiety, so there's no way you can lose!:)

Take care,
S.C.
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