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New student, how to cope, and sleep-deprivation?

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Posted 8/10/2011 2:54 PM (GMT 0)
Good morning! First off I want to say that you have such a beautiful community here on HealingWell. The compassion and empathy here leaves me in tears. I'm new, 18 years old, and starting college tomorrow 1800 miles from home. Yay me?

I have never been formally diagnosed, but I never really understood before that you're not supposed to be anxious 24/7 and that life doesn't have to be that way. I have been suffering from crazy anxiety as far back as I can remember, perhaps since I was 4 years old. Strangely enough, my parents never noticed that I was anxious or OCD (I HAD to blink in patterns as a child, among other things). Perhaps it was best that they didn't and I paid it no mind. But I've been living with it for so long that I'm not even sure how to get a life back that I can't even remember.

For the past two weeks I have been going through another bout of chronic sinusitis. I thought it was just a normal cold making me gloomy, but then I started actually paying attention to how I was feeling not physically, but emotionally, and discovered that my anxiety was completely out of control. My anxiety manifests itself in a hair-trigger gag reflex, restlessness, racing heart, blind panic, and a brain that NEVER shuts up. For the past two weeks I've been sleeping maybe 5 or 6 hours when my body DEMANDS a full 9 or 10. Sleep deprivation, waking up before the sun to have a good old round of dry heaves, and zero appetite have completed a cruel circle. I've tried distracting myself with fun outings and friends, but I end up just feeling so drained that I have to go home and lie down. This has severely curbed my packing and THAT has further stressed me out!

I know that everyone going to college is going to be stressed. I was home-schooled 5th-12th grade and am the better for it, but because of it I've got social anxiety up the wazoo concerning people my own age. Were teenagers always so quick to judge and put you down if you actually used your brain once in a while or didn't go to school with them? I have no problems with my body image and I love myself, but somehow my brain works differently and my thoughts are NOT welcome anywhere. That and I am a hermit by nature and developed a fear of leaving the house because my post-nasal drip always made me nauseous. Applying to college so far from home was probably not the best move for me.

I take no medication besides benadryl and sudafed to control my allergies and post-nasal drip and some pink bi****h to stop the nausea (which doesn't help). I had a physical two weeks ago and I checked out fine, except for a racing heartbeat but that was further investigated and I was fine. I might go to the clinic today because I am desperate for real medication. I will NOT make it through my first week of school if I get up before 5 am everyday to throw up nothing and can't even eat. I've already lost a bit of weight and I was slender to begin with.

I'm sorry for the long post, especially since I'm a newb, but I wonder if there are any other students (or former students) out there and how they coped with starting school.

Thank you,

Me
Posted 8/10/2011 4:42 PM (GMT 0)
Hi HC and welcome! Congratulations on getting into the college of your choice-well done! I know that you are second guessing that decision now that it is so close to departure time...but remember, you picked your school for a reason, and you were probably meant to be there!

I did not have anxiety issues when I was in school, but hopefully some other members will be on soon to tell of their experiences.

It is clear that you are an intelligent, goal seeking individual, who will do well in school as long as the anxiety and its symptoms don't hold you back.

I believe that you are going to need a clear plan, and support system to help you through the first transitional months. One advantage that you have is that you are actually familiar with anxiety. this may sound like a weird thing to say, but many first time, away from home college students get blindsised by it for the first time...at least you know what you are dealing with.

I suggest that you immediately get hooked up with a therapist in your new area. Whether it is a private practice (are you covered w/your parents insurance?) or through your school. You will want to have someone to help you navigate the feelings of being away from home, anxiety and change that is happening in your life.

I would also suggest looking into our Anxiety Resource Guide (main page 3rd post) to get links to relaxation/breathing exercises and free on-line therapy (Moodgym) If practiced daily, these things can help you reduce your over-all stress load...this will help reduce symptoms, and help you to sleep.

Keep posting here with us as well...we can come along with you:)

We understand what you are going through, and are here to help with quesions and support!

You're going to be great, so go and get 'em!
Scaredy Cat
Posted 8/10/2011 5:46 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for your kind reply. I think a lot of my anxiety stems from the fact that my parents are also moving very soon. Moving out of the house I've been living in for the past 15 years! I'm packing not just what I'll need for school, but my entire room as well. My parents don't know where they will be moving yet, as it depends on legal proceedings and their finances. It could be 2 or 2000 miles away from where we are now. I think it just really scares me that I won't have "home" for a long time. I've got no home-base to fall back on. The feeling of suddenly being adrift is unsettling to say the least. I've been living with such blazing uncertainty for years that it's really done a number on me.


Hoping everyone else has a more solid base,

Hadricat
Posted 8/10/2011 6:04 PM (GMT 0)
Oh, that is hard! Even though I now own my own house, I still enjoy the comfort of being at my mom's house-the house I grew up in.

I know that someday, my mom and step-dad will move, and that will be an emotional change for a lot of reasons.

Try to stay focused on what you need to do to get yourself going school-wise. The impending move that your parens make is going to work out, and remember that your home is where your friends and loved one are, not a building or geographical area!

You have both a temporary home in your dorm (where you are going to meet some of the best friends of your life BTW) and a home in progress where your folks will eventually be:)

Keep us updated on your progress, and BEST WISHES in your exciting new chapter in life:)
S.C.
Posted 8/13/2011 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Well, now I'm in my new town and I will move into my dorm tomorrow. I took nyquil last night (still thinking that I had a cold) and went into a nyquil daze and suffered a nyquil hangover the next day. This included trembling so I went to a local doctor. After listening to my litany of symptoms and my situation, she prescribed me lexapro and some stuff for my nausea. Well here I am at the end of the day drugged up to my gills. I have some mild heartburn I think (I'm not familiar with heartburn. Mild warm/burning sensation in the esophagus?) and I just feel WEIRD. The feeling of heat in my esophagus makes me want to hurl. I don't have a problem with vomiting, so I never bother keeping it in. Then I puke myself into a cramping, coughing fit and it's sort of never-ending.

Sorry for my convoluted typing. I don't think I'm in my right mind right now. 10 mg of Lexapro hit me rather hard. They also took blood since I've never had a full blood work-up. This will cover thyroid problems and any other imbalances.

Merry Christmas from Lexaproland!
Posted 8/13/2011 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hi HC...congrats on your move, and well done on getting into see a dr. so quickly...you don't mess around;)

I am sorry that you are not feeling your best, but hopefully things will settle down once you are settled in, and things calm down a bit. Do you have some time in between getting into your dorm, and classes starting? I hope so.

I think that you will have to be patient with the initial weird feeling from your RX and the adjustment to it. What did your dr. say to expect? If you want, you can start a thread specifically about it and maybe someone who has experience with Lexapro can chime in and help.

Until then, hang in there, and know that you are being pro-active in treating the anxiety, and things are going to get better for you soon:)

Great job, and keep posting!
S.C.
Posted 8/13/2011 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I'm typing from my new dorm. I'm all settled in with my dad hanging around. I feel better today, but I did go to the ER because I was shaking, dizzy, and weak this morning and I just had such a hard time getting started on my day. All I wanted to do was go off in a daze!

The doctor at the ER told me that it wasn't my meds, it was just my anxiety. Good to know. He told me that any side-affects from Lexapro I shouldn't be feeling for a few days at least. Also, I believe that I am anemic. I have not eaten a complete meal in over two weeks, mostly just a few bites of food a day. It's all I can keep down. After forcing some bread, fruit, and chicken down my gullet, I feel a little better today. Enough to walk around campus and get my books in order and set up my room. The shaking has stopped mostly, just some weakness and dizziness that comes and goes. I'm just having a hard time eating because I keep wanting to barf. Blech.

I will take your advice and start a new thread on Lexapro. I keep reading such mixed reviews about it. So confusing!
Posted 8/14/2011 6:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hadricat,

you have so many things going on right now. New school, new location and your parents are moving somewhere so you will not have the old familiar place to go home to. I think that is enough to make anyone anxious! I really think you could be helped by some counseling. I don't know what the situation is at your school, maybe you could see someone there or maybe your insurance will cover therapy somewhere else. I think that you could use some help coping with  your anxiety. Knowing that you have it is the first step. Now you need to learn how to control it. If therapy is out of the question right now I would read some self help books that will guide you through excercises you can do to calm down. I liked From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett. I'm sure there are other recommendations on this site. The great thing about going away for college is that you can make a fresh start! You can be whomever you want to be. Also, people are not so narrow minded as they were in high school. In my experience college students are more excepting of people who are different then they are.  My guess is that you won't be the only person there that was home schooled. It's becoming a more popular decision. It has been many years since I went to college and I do remember being very nervous the first couple of weeks of school. Usually there are events set up to help facilite meeting other people. I didn't take advantage of that freshman year and I wish I had. I have a lot of social anxiety too and I've learned over the years that the best way to overcome it is to pretend you aren't anxious. Act confident and friendly even if you don't feel that way inside. It makes you feel more confident.  Ask people about themselves and be a good listener and you will make friends easily. If you've never read the old book "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie I highly recommend it! It's short and still rings true today. Congrats on going to college. I wish you much luck and success! One quick tip to calm you down when you are anxious: as soon as you start to feel panicky breath slowly and deeply through your nose. Count to four and breathe out through your nose or mouth. Continue doing this until your symptoms diminish. When people start to panic they tend to take quick shallow breathes through their mouth and this can make you hyperventilate which can make you lightheaded and dizzy.

Posted 8/14/2011 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much!

I do have free counseling available on campus, so I will definitely take advantage of that. My dad left just now to fly back home, so it's me all on my little lonesome. It's nice, though, because I don't have to worry if my parents know exactly where I am at all times of the day.

My meds are kicking in and I think the Lexapro has really helped my physical anxiety symptoms like nausea. I can stomach some food and I don't feel any worse than I did before. I'm actually *almost* sleeping through the night, but it's not bad waking up at 2 am. A lot of other people are up, surprisingly, so you're not alone. There are always comforting signs of life (especially when you live in an 11-story building). Just very, very hard getting started in the mornings, since my blood sugar just seems to plummet. Maybe I should wake up and eat something in the middle of the night to tide me over....

And thank you all so very much! It's been a very tough year, but thanks to you, things are really looking up. : )

Yours,

Hadricat
Posted 8/23/2011 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone! I'm so sorry for the long absence. I'm on my second day of full classes at my university and only just found the time to post while I monitor my laundry.

I have been to see the counselor and will begin regular sessions this Monday. My Lexapro side-affects have mostly subsided. I just have this problem with nodding off during lectures which is so unlike me. My appetite is back and I have new, close, amazing friends and I think college is the best thing that has happened to me.

With school and friends keeping me busy, I haven't had much time to panic. I have this disturbing need to throw up or cry whenever someone talks about something I used to love to do. I think I need to ease back into some normalcy. Taking it slow and easy so I don't freak. I miss my cat dreadfully.

I tried to get into a sorority this past week during formal recruitment but none of the ones I wanted would have me. The only one that I was accepted into would have cost me a fortune and I didn't get the right vibe from them. So much for having more of a home and belonging to something. I'm tired of always being on the outside looking in. Well, I don't feel that way with my friends. They are wonderful and they make life wonderful. Surrounded by mechanical engineers and biochemical science majors and a whole host of other fancy people, I feel at home with such extreme nerdiness. I'm even getting involved in our theater department in their understaffed costume department.

Thank you so much,

Hadricat
Posted 8/23/2011 10:20 PM (GMT 0)
Yeah HC, it sounds like a wild and exciting time there...I am so psyched for you and your new adventures! You are going to do great, and I am proud of how you hit the ground running, yet know to also pace yourself and ease into certain things...good balance:)

Don't sweat the sorority thing...I say if it didn't work out, and was going to break you financially, then it wasn't meant to be. You could always pledge later, but may even find that you no longer want to.

Keep up the good work! We know you're busy, so just post when you can:)
S.C.
Posted 8/26/2011 11:53 AM (GMT 0)
Glad to hear that things are going well for you!
Posted 8/26/2011 5:09 PM (GMT 0)
Hi

Welcome to HW you have found a very good support network so keep posting here and you will get the support you are looking for.

You have had some great advice and In agree with what other members have said I just wanted to pop in and say hello.

Hibee
Posted 8/27/2011 10:06 PM (GMT 0)

Hadricat said...
I know that everyone going to college is going to be stressed. I was home-schooled 5th-12th grade and am the better for it, but because of it I've got social anxiety up the wazoo concerning people my own age. Were teenagers always so quick to judge and put you down if you actually used your brain once in a while or didn't go to school with them? I have no problems with my body image and I love myself, but somehow my brain works differently and my thoughts are NOT welcome anywhere. That and I am a hermit by nature and developed a fear of leaving the house because my post-nasal drip always made me nauseous. Applying to college so far from home was probably not the best move for me.

In fact, i think applying to college far from home is the BEST thing you could have done. i made the mistake of applying to college close to home, and then when the going got tough, i ended up staying home and commuting to college. not that i'm truly upset about how i turned out, but i missed out on opportunities and fun times that i will never ever ever have a chance to have again. you have no idea how lucky you are to be in the position you are
Posted 8/29/2011 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone!

Just waiting for my first session of real counseling. The past few days have been very rough as my roommate wants to switch rooms. This is all well and good because she would be swapping roommates with her bestie. Her bestie is MY new bestie's roommate, so everyone wins. The only thing is is that my roommate insists that I should be the one to move. I told her that I was not interested in packing up my life for a third time (in two weeks!) but she remains adamant that it would be easier for me to move rather than her. Her bed has been lofted and she has a futon couch. I told her that I would pay the boys upstairs to move all of her stuff for her (we have very sweet boys in our building. They work for doughnuts, bless their hungry souls), but she still claims that it would be best if I was the one to move. She says that she wants to stay on the hall because her other friend lives there. Just across the hall would be her new room. Honestly. I tell her that her logic isn't sound because ALL of my friends already live on my hallway and practically everything I own is crammed into my room. She ignores me and lives in stubborn ignorance.

I would gladly move if it really were more logical for me to. But I have already gotten settled and I don't think I could handle being "evicted", so to speak, since I was already facing that with my family at home. I have explained this to her and her future roommate but they refuse to see my side. A new dear friend who is far wiser in the ways of mankind than I am has given me excellent advice as to how I should present my case today at the residential life building where we need to having a hearing of sorts.

My roommate also sends me the weirdest, ugliest looks. We've been living together for two weeks. The first two days were lovely, but then I've hardly seen her since. Thank god for my real friends. She's dividing our floor into warring factions, it seems, and ruining the dynamic. I am prepared to move if that is the final verdict, but I am not happy about it. I'd only be moving across the hall, but really. I'm settled. I don't want to go even twenty feet from my new room.

That, and she had a bunch of guys in there two days ago when I walked in to go to bed at 2 am. One of whom was sitting on my bed. Uh. No.

I apologize for the ballyaching.

Yours,

Hadricat
Posted 8/29/2011 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
You are not bellyaching! I'd say you have every right to be annoyed, and I am glad that you are standing your ground.

It sounds as if you are much better off without this current roomie. I hope that you get a fast and easy resolution to this dispute, and that your next roomate is a good match!

Besides all of that, how is school going? Great I hope:)

Let us know how it all works out,
S.C.
Posted 8/31/2011 1:04 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Hadricat,

I just wanted to chime in and say that I know exactly how you're feeling, and I can totally relate to the "brain that won't shut up". I'm going to be a sophomore in college this year. I also decided to go to school out of state, 600 miles from home. The first few months were an absolute whirlwind of excitement, fun, stress, and challenges. It was one of the only times I've been able to say my anxiety was justifiable! I agree that you made the right decision to move so far away. Coming back for the summer, I feel like I've matured 10 times more than my friends who stayed in-state. Let me tell you, it'll stretch you! But don't be afraid to swallow your pride and ask for help - this was my biggest challenge, and I would have been a lot better off if I did it early! Good luck, you're gonna have a good year :)
Posted 9/9/2011 5:06 AM (GMT 0)
I apologize for my silence. A lot...a lot has happened.


I spent Labor Day weekend with a long-time online friend who has now crossed into the realm of real-life friend. Her home smelled of home and dogs and life, and that refreshed me like nothing else. And then I went to my real meeting in the residential life building.

Sick and tired of my roommate, I agreed to move, just to get away from her. So I move this weekend. I ran from the reslife office because I couldn't bear to walk back with her and cried on my friend, then cried in the bathroom like a loser because in college, you can't even peacefully cry in your own room in your bed clinging to your teddy bear. After all's well and done, I think I will throw myself a little celebration when I move in with my friend.

But now my parents are being served their 60-day notice to get out of the house I grew up in. Wonderful. Also, there is a serious possibility of them not splitting up or separating, but simply living and working in different states due to monetary reasons. My mother moving to my teeny college town would save us soooooo much money because she works (barely. Curse you, Californian economy!) from home. I could get in-state tuition and not have to pay room and board here at school.

I should also mention that I was born and raised in Los Angeles (a city of over 3 million, not afraid of people online knowing where I'm from). Not as a well-to-do movie-industry person, but a normal member of the struggling middle class. If this isn't enough to stress anybody out, I don't know what is.

Counseling, however, has been good for me I think. It's very calming, free, and I am so heinously clinical, it's so funny to see the counselor being more interested in ME than I am.

And, weirdly enough, my roommate is being friendlier now that I'm leaving. What a ho.


I'm so sorry that all of my posts seem to be bellyaching. But on a happier note, school itself is wonderful. I actually ENJOY my classes, love my professors...college is a beautiful thing. And I have a job interview on Monday with my department head (who loves me. Just saying!) for a writing job with the newsletter for my department.

Ever yours,

Hadricat
Posted 9/9/2011 2:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hi again! Wow lots of stuff indeed...good and bad, but such is life right? It sounds as if you are handling the not so good stuff really well though! You have an amazing positive outlook, which IMO is one of the most important traits in not only fighting anxiety, but for success in life:)

I am sorry that the living situation got so ugly. You did what was easiest for you in the end though, and that makes you the winner. Your old roomie and her new victim have to live with each other, and that is their own problem! (let's just see how long that lasts;p)  I hope that your new situation is comfortable and stable now:)

I am glad that you had a good long weekend, and that you are enjoying school and all of your classes. I am sorry to hear of your parent's situation. I know that it weighs on you, but try your best to keep focused on school and your therapy/recovery. The last thing that your parents would want would is for you to be worrying about them. They will be okay, and though things are a trial right now, I bet a blessing is right around the corner:)

Keep up all of the good work, you are rockin' it! Keep posting when you can.
S.C.
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