confession

I don't know how much I'm allowed to say on this site without making people uncomfortable, but I need to get this off my chest...... I normally post on the bi polar site, but my anxiety is through the roof right now. I was molested as a teenager, I downplayed it to my spouse and said it wasn't a full on rape, just touching and stuff. I told the truth today after keeping it in for years..... My spouse feels betrayed, and said I shouldn't have lied. Now I'm being ignored and I need to be comforted right now..... I don't want pity or anything like that, but the reaction I got was the opposite of what it should've been. How can I make a person understand why I kept this to myself if they've never been through it?! I have PTSD really bad because of it, weekly therapy, and my therapist don't even know the whole story, only my mom does (until now). I don't want this to control me anymore. The only way I can get on w/ my life is to talk about it and let it go, but I can't seem to do it........

Hi SS&T,

I am very sorry that this has happened, and the trauma that you experienced in the past, continues to hurt you today.

I am glad that you see that your husband's reaction was not what it should have been. It ideally would be one of support, comfort and understanding. If I could try to give some insight, I would venture to say that his initial reaction was one of anger, not at you, but at the situation and your abuser.

Men are naturally wired up to show emotion in this way, and then seek to 'fix' the problem. He knows that he is incapable of doing this, so he may have lashed out from frustration.

I agree fully with Alaskah, and would also suggest seeking a support group for rape/abuse victims. You may need those who share your experience and pain to reach out to at this time.

I have a website for you, if you think that it will help, read some of these survivor's stories: (it also has some good resources)

http://www.pandys.org/escapinghades/guiltshame.html

I hope that you will get through this as a couple, and as an individual, and be stronger than ever after getting the help that you need.

Post anytime,
S.C.

This is so saddening to hear, I could not imagine how you are feeling or what you had to go through. This is one of those situations that are so sensitive. I actually just had my best friend for many years, tell me something that again, was so shocking to here. She was molested by her brother for a long time. She has not told anyone, not her parents, no one. How do you approach situations like this. The best advice anyone will give you is to talk about it, talking to someone and having that care from a loved one is what you need. Your spouse is angry because he thinks that you have been lying to him. He will forgive you and will come around, I guarantee it, he is just angry at the fact you did not tell him. You may have not told him because you don't want him to get angry, you don't want him to look at you differently (which he should not, no one should it was NOT your fault, remember that). Something happened to you that you could not control, don't blame yourself. Getting this off of your shoulder will be the best thing for you, instead of letting it eat you up inside. I promise your spouse will come around. Explain to him, why you did not tell him, why it was SO hard for you to finally tell him, it may help the situation. Starting off slow is your key to letting yourself heal and move forward. Here is a forum and support group for your situation, it is people who have gone through rape and feel the exact way you do. http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Rape/support-group

It takes time to heal, it can't happen overnight, be patient, you will soon get everything you wished for, for it all do disappear. Don't look down on yourself, don't look in the mirror and think low of yourself. It is hard for anyone who has not gone through this to understand, I could not imagine, but giving support to help is what one needs for anything, people who are willing to listen, and give care and help. Try that website, now you don't have to hide from it. Talk to people who have gone through this, and you will find someone who is in the exact same situation.

Feel better and remember, there is someone, always willing to listen and help.

Lol I hope in a good way! Your so welcome!