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Posted 1/12/2012 5:32 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone, I hope you are all doing well.

My boyfriend has been seeing a CBT for his anxiety. He still refuses to take any drugs. He does seem to be doing better after each session, but something new has popped up. For the past week or 2, he hasn't been wanting to leave the house. He feels anxious just thinking about leaving the house. He tells me he feels like when he leaves the house he is constantly plagued with worry that something is going to go wrong. So now whenever I have to do anything, like an errand, I have to go alone when we used to always be together. And instead of spending time together he's gone back to his bad video game habits.

Do any of you have the same worry? How do you deal with this? I am not going to let him become a shut in.
Posted 1/12/2012 2:53 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tame,

I just wanted to let you know that your boyfriend seems to be going through a typical case of agoraphobia. I have struggled, and still do from time to time, with not wanting to leave the house out of fear that something awful will happen. It is great that he is doing CBT, and I would suggest letting his therapist know about the recent agoraphobia.

Some people find that exposure therapy works well in over coming this fear, as in forcing someone to go out of the house. I personally have found that tschnique detrimental to my own progress, as it generally lead me to panic and associate the world outside with negativity. However, everyone is different and I would consult with both your boyfriens ans his therapist on the best plan of attack, so to speak.

As for the videogames, try not to take this personally. Often times a person with anxiety will need to have their focus on something that requires their attention, but is not very complex. I turn to videogames plenty in order to block out the anxiety for a while, though of course that does not always work. Your boyfriend, whether he realizes it himself or not, is probably using the videogames as a coping mechanism for his anxiety.

Keep in mind that healing from anxiety is not an over night process, it takes time, dedication, and a lot of work. Set backs will happen, but it is important to try and support your boyfriend through the tough times as best you can. The fact that you've posted here is a great show of your support and want to understand. =)

Agoraphobia can be especially difficult to overcome, but try taking little steps with your boyfriend. Suggest hanging outside close to home a few times, or going for short walks down the block and back. If he finds that embarassing, try going at night or early in the morning when it's likely no one else will be around. I found that going out little by little did help me, but I also had to be willing to do it, otherwise I would end up panicking back inside the house and reduse to even leave my room for a couple of days at a time.

The both of you will get through this, and please let your boyfriend know that he too is more than welcome to post here if he needs some support from people that have also experienced what he is going through, even reading some of the other posts might help him a bit.

Keep us updated and best wishes,
Em


(also I apologize if I am incorrect, but I have assumed that you personally do not suffer from anxiety.)
Posted 1/12/2012 3:15 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Tame,

I went through a long spell like this about 5 years ago and I still go through bouts of this from time to time.  For me it was all about the anxiety, the fear of leaving home which is my safe place.  I was so into "what if?" thinking that I could not get out the door.  It would be "what if I break down in public ?" most of the time or "what if my anxiety gets worse while I am out in public?"  and on and on.

What worked for me and still does is having my hubby drive me someplace and wait in the car for me while I run in the library or when I have a Drs. appointment.  Just knowing that I have a support person near by and also a get away vehicle helps me feel safe on days when I start to feel like I "cannot" leave home. :-)

I also write down what I plan to do each day and do my best to keep my goals as I need to work hard at not hiding out from the anxiety. 

Perhaps you could encourage your bf to make a goal of going out to do one thing daily until he gets back to where he can just go out without worrying about it.

Anxiety is nasty as you can feel good and be functioning well and then whap, something sneaks up on you the causes the anxiety to spike.

I wish you well and hope your bf can break through this problem.

Kindly,

Kitt



 

Posted 1/12/2012 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for telling me your experiences. As I've previously stated, I am not going to be an enabler and let him become a shut in. I got to talk a little bit with him today and told him it is my goal to get him out of the house at least once a day 5-6 days a week. We live right across the street from the beach so that's where I take him for walks. I find that when I get stressed out the beach always calms me down.

I just don't understand where this irrational fear came from. He explained it to me better today and he said he's scared that something will go wrong while he's out and he won't be able to get help fast enough. He told me before that ever since his anxiety hit he's been fearing death, so I'm guessing that's playing a part in this.

stkitt, even when he's with me it doesn't make him feel better. I never make him go out of the house by himself, but when I have an errand to make, like today I had to go to my college campus to get my textbooks, he didn't want to go with me because he didn't want to be gone that long.

I just want to help him get better so I can have his old self back. I miss him.
Posted 1/12/2012 10:11 PM (GMT 0)
8 years ago when i had my first panic attack it kept me home bound for about 3 or 4 months straight. i had no idea what the problem was at the time and to simply describe the feeling - it was hell.

i understand where your boyfriend is coming from - tell him that he will be alright in due time. mind you, he has to put the effort in to face his fears.......

i've learned that the only way to overcome your fears is to face it - and if it gets to be too much, then just ride it out (dont fight the fear or bad feeling).

anxiety caused me to imagine the worst of scenarios to the point that if i imagined my foot hurting, IT WOULD START HURTING! its in the mind. easier said then done though.

with that said, if this is his first time experiencing anxiety attacks, it is understandable if he takes small steps...its quite a scary thing to go through.

i used to play video games, surf the net, post on message forums and do things that were really silly sometimes just to get my mind off the anxiety.

i even used to put my self in a room and just yell out loud - im talking yelling from the bottom of my lungs and giving it all i can.....it actually helps. i would say whatever came to my mind....if someone heard me from the outside they would probably think i was crazy lol. but who cares, its about getting better and relaxing.

i get anxiety to this day (you can refer to my other thread if intersted).......

he will get better - but have him educate himself on anxiety/panic disorder so that he understands what he is going through and can feel more comfortable....
Posted 1/13/2012 9:42 PM (GMT 0)
I can totally relate to how your BF is feeling. Years ago I was suffering from Agoraphobia, it was too much for me to even go out onto my own front porch sometimes, and i'd be hanging on to the door for dear life. This is when I realized I had to do something to stop this. I went on medication and did CBT to help me get over this fear.

I was also scared to travel to places where I knew there was no easy access to a hospital, or there wasn't one close, "just in case" something happened. He can get over it, but he does have to work toward facing his fears, even if he is uncomfortable and suffers a panic attack while he's out. He has to let it run it's course, and he will realize that he made it through ALIVE.

You are a fantastic girlfriend to be so supportive of him. There should be more people like you in this world, that will actually take the time to research and understand this condition. Best of luck to you both! Fox
Posted 1/13/2012 11:48 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me!

Today we had to go out with a real estate agent to look at places for us to move. He came with me and we were out for a whole 3 hours. He started feeling anxious during the trip so he started texting some friends for 20 minutes to distract himself and put the phone away and continued with the search. It was nice to have him with me.

Tomorrow I'm taking him with me to gather last-minute school supplies. He says it makes him feel better knowing where we're going, what we're going to do, and how long it'll take before we get home.

He's really trying not to let this anxiety take over him :)
Posted 1/14/2012 12:31 AM (GMT 0)
Tame,

You are doing a great job in being his support person and it is apparent he is really trying.  Letting him know how long you will be gone from home is a good thing as that way he has a time frame to deal with.  Keep on advocating for him as you encourage him to take one step at a time toward learning how to overcome his anxiety.

You are lucky to have each other. 

Blessings,

Kitt

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