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Scared and Just want answers... PLEASE HELP!!?? ):

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Posted 4/8/2012 4:12 AM (GMT 0)
  Hello all. I am new here and am hoping that someone will have some advice for me or know what I am and have been dealing with...

 I am a 31y.o. woman and I suffer from panic disorder/anxiety, bipolar, recently (as you will read) agoraphobia, as well as some other health issues (I have unknown gi issues and also suffered with endometriosis as well as other things and had to have a total hysterectomy when I was 26). I have one beautiful 13 y.o. daughter and so afraid that something is wrong and she will be left without me... Ok so a few years ago I was having financial trouble and I started having nocturnal panic attacks which then started occuring during the day and I started having chest pains all of the time. I went to the er about 20 times as I thought I was dying from a heart attack.After going through every test, they ALL were fine and I was told it was anxiety. I thought that once my troubles went away (or were figured out), that it would all just go away. Well they didn't! Here it is a year and a half later and I am still suffering from the following symptoms:

chest pain

arm pains

tightness in throat

constant fear and worry that I am going to die (and leave my daughter motherless)

I also suffer from insomnia (which started years ago after the birth of my daughter) so it is nothing new... Again, recently I have gone to the er as well as my gp and had tests done. EKG, xrays, d-dimers, cardiac enzymes, cbcs, etc, etc, all of which were fine and within normal limits. It is so frustrating!! I feel so helpless and lost...and angry!! Bc of all of this I have become a totally different person and I no longer leave my house unless it is absolutely necessary I do not even like to drive anymore like i used too bc I am in constant fear that I will have an attack behind the wheel and something bad will happen... All of the doctors cannot tell me what is wrong aside from it being anxiety related. But can this really be it? I mean I have these symptoms even when I am not worrying or anything!!?? I cannot stand it anymore!!): It is just so hard to accept that something so silly as worrying and stress can cause all of this to happen... Its either I worry and the pains begin, or i feel pain somewhere and then my mind goes into overdrive and I cannot stop it. Not even when I repeatedly tell myself that I am fine and the tests have proven it time and time again. Rather I keep needing to go and have them done again just to be sure bc I fear that they messed up, read it wrong, or they just didnt believe or care enough to really look into it. The worst part about al of this is I feel like I am going crazy here!! Literally!! I have no friends where I live as they are all a state away where I grew up and I have noone that I can talk to. And noone that goes through or has gone through all of this before so it just makes it that much harder to deal with... I just want the me that I used to be back. The me that didnt worry about such stupid things (not so much stupid per say, just unrealistic), and could go out and do things without worrying about what may or may not happen. Please if there is anyone out there that has gone through this or is going through this... please any advice... anything!? Thank you for reading thus far(: r8chil.

Posted 4/8/2012 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hi R8chil and welcome!

I am sorry to hear that you are going through so much at the moment. I know that it is hard to believe that anxiety can be the cause of so much physical symptoms and misery...but being a reader of many, many posts like yours, and going through it myself...I can tell you that it is absolutely true.

It is great that you have been checked out medically...now you can start to treat the anxiety since all signs point to that. Working a therapy program such as CBT would be a good place to start. You can ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist who offers it.

As you go through treatment, you will bring down your overall stress levels, which will reduce your symptoms. Your anxiety is probably higher than you realize. You mentioned having symptoms while not feeling anxious...the thing is, there is often an undercurrent of stress that we don't even notice. Our minds are incredibly adaptable and get used to just about anything given time...even toxic amounts of stress!

There are some self-help methods that you could also get started on right away! In our Anxiety-Panic Resources (main page, 2nd post) there are links to instructional videos that teach some breathing and relaxation exercises that will really help, if practiced daily.

Some other ideas are exercise, meditation, yoga and enjoyable hobbies. These will all bring down anxiety levels and get your mind and body centered...and off your symptoms.

You and your daughter deserve to have a well YOU! Please look into these things...there is help and hope, and it is worth the effort!

Keep posting with us as well. It is healing to talk to others with similar struggles. This is a great place for information and sharing...and we are here to listen and help.:)

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 4/8/2012 4:53 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you for your quick response. I appreciate it! I know it is crazy but I look for reasons to be dying or having the symptoms. If that makes sense at all?? For instance, I am on medications for pain due to my abdominal issues and have been for years now and i have recently convinced myself that they are now causing my heart problems! I know crazy right... I have even asked my Dr if it is possible and he has reassured me that it is not. But whole I can listen, hear, and absorb that things that i am told by drs, I cannot seem to continue to accept them for very long. I have also been in pain for many many years now and am baffled as to why I freak out at the onset of anything or any new pains. I obviously also have a backstory as well... I have lost many people close to me in my life and know to some extent that this contributes to my fear of death. It's just very frustrating when your family and friends do not understand why I have become what I am today. They don't get how or why and have the attitude of get over it (aka my parents) of course this is what they said when I list a child due to my first uterine surgery too... I was also in a unhappy and unhealthy relationship for the past+ years that I finally got the strength to get out of this past year and he refuses to let go which also adds to this stress!! Thank you again... Also what is CBT? A therapist tried to force me into a group a while back and wouldn't give up. I don't like being forced into anything (again my past...) And I do not do well around large groups (social anxiety), or anyone I do not know. Which again the old me used to love and be great with new people... Ugh... I feel I am and it is hopeless! A lost cause.
Posted 4/8/2012 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
No, you are not a lost cause at all...and you should not be forced to do anything that you don't want to do. If however, you make the decision to seek treatment, I can recommend one-on-one CBT.

In this type of therapy, you are taught skills to change the negative/fearful thinking patterns that are causing the anxiety, into positive/rational ones.

It has helped me get over my panic disorder, and learn how to manage my anxiety (both general and health anxiety) I can now stop the irrational, runaway thoughts that try to derail my peace and calm...and no longer am I a victim to daily worry and panic.

I still have to manage my stress levels, but who doesn't? Everyone really needs to do that, and therapy, as well as selr-help programs, are great at teaching those anxiety lessening skills.

If you feel like therapy really isn't for you, then there are quite a few self-help programs available. There are also great books that you could check-out or buy. The more information you have about this disorder, the better...knowledge is power!

Whatever you decide to do, you are taking steps in the right direction...you've made a great start already...keep going.:)

S.C.
Posted 4/8/2012 5:48 AM (GMT 0)
So how do you deal with the pains? If you had them?? That is one of the hardest things I feel. Not getting scared ny them. I try to convince myself its the fact that I lay on my sides bc I don't sleep and I lay on my side while proped up on my arm so I can write read, type etc... During the days I try to stay as busy as I can to keep my mind off of it though it doesn't help... I make jewelry and work on crafts for my online Shoppe while my daughter is at school, asleep, or busy not spending time with me. Any help you can offer as to how you get around when you get pains...? Or do you not get them now? Or did your worry, stress, and anxiety cause the pains?? Sorry to hog up all of your time.
Posted 4/8/2012 2:42 PM (GMT 0)
I think for everyone it is different. I occasionally have random pains that might start to spark some panic...the last couple of days I have been dealing with some neck problems for example. It has caused my left arm to feel achy and kind of numb. This automatically started me thinking of heart issues of course, but my rational thinking kicked in and I was able to push that thought away.

I struggle more with feelings of being out of control, like feeling dizzy or faint. That is more my trigger for panic. If I have these symptoms, I have to stop what I am doing and use my breathing techniques and repeat a reassuring and positive mantra to myself. I might say "I am okay, it is only fear that is making me feel this way."

I also make a list of the likihood of my symptoms being from anxiety, or rather from some serious medical situation. The anxiety list wins out...the only reason I really have to think that the symptoms/panic is something worse, is that I am fearing that it is.

These techniques sound simple, and they are...but they work. I really can't encourage you enough to either look into therapy, or seek out a self-help program/book(s). You will gain so much understanding and empowerment!

There is help and hope, you just need to go after it!:)

S.C.
Posted 4/8/2012 8:06 PM (GMT 0)
r8chil,

     Hello, welcome & nice 2 meet U. A lot of what u wrote was like i was reading my story. i have had 15-surgeries & face another one possibly (currently waiting for results). I suffer from extreme major anxiety/panic attacks daily. i wake up in the middle of the nite even in a full blown one (its horrible). Just a year ago i was diagnosed agoraphobic, Bipolar 2, Depression, BPD, Major Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, OCD, etc. Basically i'm a mess...Lol   i've been married almost 24-yrs & we have 7-kids ages 13-26 & 4-grandbabies.

     One of my surgeries was a hysterectomy (abdominal) w/my first bladder lift. Then a year & a half ago my colon tore thru the vaginal wall & my colon, bladder & vagina fell out of my body. Then almost a year ago i had 2 have an ileostomy (reroute ur small intestines out ur abdominal wall & u where a pouch 2 collect ur stool.

     Anywaz, i could go on & on with my crud...

Do U see a psych on a regular basis or a psychologist? As was brought up earlier i think u should check into CBT (cognitive Behavioral Therapy). I did 6-mths of CBT-outpatient. i'm currently in DBT (2 learn skills 2 not self-harm & suicidal ideation).i know below they mentioned breathing, meditation, etc. i know i have learned 7-different types of breathing. i used 2 think it was a joke, but it truly does help.

i wish u all the best.

Your Healingwell Friend,

Serenitee

 

Posted 4/9/2012 7:57 AM (GMT 0)
Hello serenitee.
I am glad to hear I am NoT alone, and yet so sorry for all you have been and are going through... Yes, I know what you are going through! My insides are a wreck, lol every Dr tells me how I am so young to have such an old body...once they get to know me that is! I am just thankful to have not had all this bologna going on when I had all of my surgeries or I don't think I would have ever made it through... I too have ocd and have my whole life as well as ptsd. I didn't mention these above bc it was more personal and I didn't want people to think I am totally crazy lol. My ptsd came from my first uterine suspension surgery... Long story short the lab messed up my blood work and I ended up losing a child that I had been trying for for months and months... I had the surgery, and went through hell and back and all for nothing bc they ended up going back in to undo the first surgery bc of tearing and bc they messed up... As for you and your trama, here's the real kicker! I'm actually a nurse. All I ever wanted to be really and now I can't be as I cannot work let alone leave my house. I am going for disability which is something I never imagined doing at my age and still cannot believe it everyday. As for the cbt, my old therapist tried forcing me into that and I wasn't ready but she pushed and pushed. And as I am sure you know from experience...she wouldn't hear me when I would talk and she would tell me only one thing at a time. Well I have more than one thing going on!! Which is what I meant btw... As for the nocturnal panic attacks, yes they are horrible!! It's scary to wake up in a full on attack. I also have a lot of hot flashes and sweats and headaches? Idk if it is due to hormones or lack there of but, it stinks! They to scare me just the same though. The cheat pain is the worst even as I write/type I am having some. I again also always am laying on one side or another propped up on my arm. I always lay on my left side due to my gi issues as it is better for trapped gases etc. Can I ask, what does the breathing due? The chest pain is almost constant or well it comes and goes throughout each day. But when it is bad I tend to panic... I get all paranoid that I need to have the heart tests done again bc it has changed and now there is def something wrong. My Dr says that they are good for.a year, but idk if he was just saying that??... Even most of the er drs know me now they some are gentle, kind, understanding, and tell me how it is which I like bc it is usually what I need to hear like you are fine or your heart is fine, or mostly it is oh its just anxiety hare take this it will calm you down or my favorite its gas... I have even been told that i am full of sh** lol believe it or not!!(: bc of my gi stuff of course. And again I will be okay for a while or until the next morning then its back to freaking out all over again... I have been told about a million times to take the xanax bc it'll help and it does when they give it to me in the er, but I am so afraid that if I take it, I will get messed up and sleep and not wake up if something happens or my daughter needs me. So I don't take it. So stupid, that i take pain meds everyday (which I absolutely hate!! And cannot wait for the day that I can not need them to get through a day...), bit I am afraid of a med that may help the craziness... Maybe I am nuts!? So, I try to stay busy with my jewelry making and crafting. Also have you ever heard of reiki? My best friend whom I have know all my life actually got into it a couple years back and has since then become a reiki master. It is focused on energies and healing touch (though she doesn't even have to touch) but she has done this on me and sends me it from time to time when i ask her too (she lives in ma and I am now in nh) and it is amazing! Just a thought for you maybe try it out... Do you think unhappiness has something to do with all of this? With me and my situation I mean... Well I will stop blabbering on and on as I too can go on forever lol. But is love to hear from you again if you can. I find it comforting to talk and know i am really not all alone in this. I mean there is only soo much my 13 year old can handle. I know I'm sad. Thank you so much and please if ever you need to talk I'm here!:) take care.
Posted 4/9/2012 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hi! Welcome :) I'm also 31 and suffer from similar problems. You are NOT alone, and knowing that for myself is something that has truly helped me on the road to my recovery.

My suggestion to you might be to start over. New therapist, new psych if you feel you need, and make sure you tell the everything about your endometriosis and hysterectomy!! I, too, have endometriosis.( I was taking birth control continuously to help). I've always been TREMENDOUSLY effected by hormones. I decided to go off of the birth control, as I think the extra hormones were making my anxiety worse. I've been off of them about a month, and between that and a change of med, it really helped.

Take suggestions from reading these forums, as I have. They help sooooo much, as these people here understand. They've been through it and are going through it!!

You are so blessed to have your daughter, and it sounds like you know you have a great life. You just want it back, as I did!!

While I'm not 100% anxiety free yet, I know that I'm on my way, step by step. Best wishes to you and keep visiting and posting!! We're all here for each other!!! :)
Posted 4/10/2012 8:03 PM (GMT 0)
"Hi R8chil," how R U doing? i checked 2 see if Ur email address was listed on here but it wasn't. So i thought i could let U know that i would love 2 chat 1/1 sometime if U don't mind? We're not supposed 2 post it on here, but U can click on my name right here on my post & it will take U 2 my info where my email address is. i really hope U email me :)

i haven't heard of "Reiki" but am going 2 look it up. Have U ever done "Yoga?" i was just wondering what its like, i was curious if U have 2 be flexible & thin 2 do it?

in my opinion, @ least how i handle life, i truly believe that my unhappiness is related 2 a lot of my issues. i'm not sure if its more of my Mental Health issues that cause my unhappiness. i have 7-kids ,(ages 13, 15, 17, 19, 20, 23, 26)  + 4-grandkids...it is horrible that R kids have 2 see us struggle daily.

Regarding the breathing exercise skills i've learned thru DBT...The

7-Skills of "Observing Ur Breath" R:

  1) Deep Breathing

  2) Measuring Ur Breath By Ur Footsteps

  3) Counting Your Breath

  4) Following Ur Breath While Listening 2 Music

  5) Following Ur Breath While Carrying On A Conversation

  6) Following The Breath

  7) Breathing 2 Quiet The Mind & Body

If U email me i can give U the info in detail on how 2 do each of them.

Look 4-ward 2 hearing from U.

Ur Healingwell Friend,

Serenitee

 

Posted 4/10/2012 8:40 PM (GMT 0)

Hi,  

I also have similar problems with panic and night terrors.  My current doc specialists give me two-three months to be in a wheelchair!

I have been diagnosed with Major Depression (recurrent), anxiety disorder, Neuropathy in both legs, chronic pain and Sjogren's syndrome. 

I to have a tendency to give up.   I have been to Mayos (3 times) and The Marshfield Clinic.  I have been mis-diagnosed so many times I can't remember.  A lot of times I think this is all in my head.  You see, I have 33 years as a Psychologist and I really get tired of diagnosing myself!!

I have started a large hospital based pain center.  And am a licensed pain specialist.  All of my experience has done nothing to help me.  Sometimes too much knowledge is dangerous.

I would give anything to help you and those dealing with medical problems that nobody can find the cause of.  If I was younger, I would devote my skills/knowledge to do more about this and the docs who say "it's all in your head".

I try to listen to others that tell me to just keep going. I have found some comfort in Spirituality.

Please try and hang in there as nobody is hopeless and no good.

Dr. Bill

This forum entry is my first time and the organization of healing well looks great.

Posted 4/10/2012 9:52 PM (GMT 0)
Wow,, you could be me. I know it is hard to leave the house. I only do now when I must.
They suggest going to the doctor,, but like you i don't want to drive. Doctor is an hour away!
gonna keep reading here.. see if i find any answers.. but wanted to say hi.. and let ya know your not alone in your feelings.. for what thats worth. Hang in there.. it will get better! iT ALWAYS DOES..
Posted 4/10/2012 11:19 PM (GMT 0)
I can really relate to your post. So much of my anxiety and fears are me projecting how my Son will feel when I die. What I have found is I have spent so much time worrying about that, and my own health issues that I am loosing the precious time I do have with him. I also had to accept the fact that we are all going to die sometime and that is nothing we can control. What I can control is what is happening right now. I know the physical feelings are scary and get rule your life. I had a pain in my head for months and was convinced I had a brain tumor I finally went into the ER and they did a cat scan. After they told me I was fine. Do you know that pain WENT AWAY right after they told me I was OK. I knew then that I was the one making myself sick.

I would find a very good therapist and deal with your fears. Try to take deep belly breaths and be gentle with yourself.
Posted 4/12/2012 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello!! I had no idea that so many of you wrote to me!!): I apologize for not getting back to you all sooner... I have been dealing with some personal and family issues and as you all know ( I am sure), it seems to effect me more than most. I was thinking the other day how I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders daily...

To LoveMyFam2012, I def know what you are going through and I did that route for a long time... I know hormones play a bigger role in our stories than the doctors even realize! When I had hormones, I never felt the way that I do now and I also seemed to deal with my pain better (all of my abdominal pains due to my plethera of problems in there...). I also notice its effect on my mind and my psyche as my depression while bad then too, is worse now. As before my surgery, if I was feeling down and missed being home (ma where i am from and where ALL of my friends and most of my family are), I would just head down there for the weekend and the 2.5 hour drive was a piece of cake!! Now, I cannot do it. No matter how hard and badly I want to, I cant!!): I have gone through a lot with all of the womanly stuff and if you ever want to talk, I am here and I will figure out how to post my email in case you or anyone else ever wants to talk... I currently have no hormones. Since I was only 26 at the time, the drs thought I would be fine. Then when all the poo hit the fan with me, I had been put on some only for a few months though as I stopped taking them bc I was then convinced that they had something to do with all of my chest pain though there was no proof of this. I do however plan on going back to the gyn and seek out my options. Again, if you ever want to talk!!(: Thank you so much for writing!

To Doc Bill, Hello! I am sorry to hear that you too suffer. Especially being a health care provider... I cannot imagine what you go through on a daily basis. I know for me, being trained as a nurse it is awful. I find it is much worse when I start to feel something, then think something, when I know better. Or at least I feel that I should know better anyways!! As for the neuropathy in your legs, I know that it is difficult! The man that I was with for 9 years has diabetic neuropathy and being around him daily and nightly, I know the pain that it causes. He is only 33 and is now on disability due to it. How I wish there were therapists who did phone/house calls! lol. I mean you always want your patients to feel safe and comfortable right?! So for people like me, what better comfort than being in my own home and getting help!!??(: It is just where I live, you have to drive about an hour in any direction to get to pretty much anything good. In my town there is a drugstore, a supermarket, and a few other small stores but nothing good and no psych drs!! I really do want to be better but even more so...I want to know why I am this way now and what happened, what specific thing triggered me to be this way all of the sudden. I think about this everyday and the only thing that I can come up with is how I am so unhappy here (in this state), I was with someone who I was not happy with and it was so unhealthy yet I clung to the companionship and the fact that I didnt want to be alone for the fear of something happening, and harboring so many feelings on a day to day level that made me feel like I was about to burst bc I just cannot let go of things that have happened to which I have no closure or explination... and I guess when I started to think about those things more and more and the fact that there wasnt anything that I could do to fix it/them, it just swalloed me up and has yet to spit me out...if that makes ANY sense at all?? I am happy to have found this site and have such nice people willing to be there without the expectation of getting anything in return other than the same support if anything at all. I would really love to hear back from you! Thank you for writing!!(:

To Bars, I feel your pain!!lol... I do hold onto the hope that things will get better. It is just the waiting and wondering when that is so upsetting as I have been waiting for 2 years now...

To Jewells, My problem is that I cant control what is happening to me now!!): If so I would and could make these pains in my chest that I fear every second, go away... It stinks! Bc I know what is wrong with y stomach, but not what is definitely causing my chest pains... If I could just know what is causing it, then I need not worry ya know?! My cousin just found out that she has a brain tumor this week... now I also fear for her and hurt for her too. Yet at the same time I realize that all these times that I complain why me?, there are others out there that do have it worse. I know and have always known this, and tell myself this everyday, but to have it happen so close to home...it is scary! And I know what you mean after I go to the er, and they tell me I am okay and my heart is fine, I am okay for a little while and I am relieved but after a while it just all starts up again and I cannot turn it off the way that I feel that I can when I hear it from a dr... Which is why I feel nuts and I cannot control my own body/mind/life!):
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