Posted 4/14/2012 12:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hi all! Hope you're enjoying the start to the weekend :)
I'm having a problem lately with thinking about anxiety, which then, in turn, causes those dreaded feelings we all know too well. For instance...
Today was a great day. No problems at all. I even drove my husband around, which is a HUGE step for me, because driving is my biggest anxiety trigger, and driving someone else is almost always a no-no...guess I've felt like if I were to have a panic attack while driving, at least if I'm alone, it only effects me.
I decided to head out to the gym...usually not a big deal for me, but the gym has certainly been a place where I've panicked. I'm on the elliptical doing my thing, feeling fine, and it crosses my mind. 'Hey, I've been having a good day"...and then it was all over. I had to get off. I changed to a bicycle, hoping sitting would help (which it did). I did some if that, did a few weights, and dreaded getting in the car for the drive home. I took a Xanax, decided to look around a store before driving home to give the xanax a chance to kick in. All wound up being ok, but I was pretty upset about the fact that I feel as though I willed myself into a panic attack.
Does this happen to anyone else? It's almost as if I can't lt myself be at peace...like I don't deserve it or something. Like panic is a part of my life now, so if I dont panic, I'm not me (even though all I desperately want is to have zero panic!) I don't know. Any thouts or advice is much appreciated!!