HealingWell
Search Close Search
☰

Issues and Vices Journal

Support Forums
>
Anxiety & Panic Disorders
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
12 3 4
❬ ❬ Previous Thread |Next Thread ❭ ❭
Posted 5/22/2012 11:31 PM (GMT 0)
At the suggestion of one of our awesome members, I am starting this journal thread as an oppurtunity to post about our victories, struggles and shortcomings surrounding our issues and vices.

We all have things that we do in an attempt to deal with life and the anxiety that we experience.  It may manifest in a behavior, addiction, compulsion, or just negative thinking/self-talk

While it is great and so important to focus on the postive things that we can do to help ourselves in the journey to wellness...the fact remains that there are things that cause us to stumble...and it is okay to talk about those things to bring about progress.

You need not disclose anything that you do not feel comfortable with...in fact you may not want to post at all...just knowing that there are others with common struggles can help.

If you are having a good day...post about it.  If you are struggling...post about it.

The purpose of this thread is not to judge or even give advice...it is just to get things out, and to be encouraging to each other.:)

I hope that this will be the  safe and comfortable outlet that it is meant to be for everyone who chooses to participate.

S.C.

 

Posted 5/22/2012 11:38 PM (GMT 0)
I'll start:

I am having mixed results...did a lot of good things that needed to be done. Cleaned the house (okay, half of it!) Vounteered at my youngest daughter's school. Went grocery shopping. Started planning on my oldest daughter's B-day party. Got in touch with lots of friends this week...old, new and current, via FB...

and my anxiety has been low...but I did not do so well with one of my issues, that I will for now, keep to myself.

It is sometimes two steps forward and one back...and I can live with and accept that...I will try to handle things better next time they come up!

S.C.
Posted 5/23/2012 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
Today was not such a good day for me. I knew as I was getting dressed for work things were going to be rough today. Things have been going pretty smoothly for me lately but today I had several minor episodes. I was on reception today and luckily it was really quite so I could sit still, close my eyes and breathe deep for a couple of minutes till things calmed down. I signed up to help out with online seminars at work and was supposed to do this extra training thing for it this afternoon but I felt so bad I had to reschedule. I feel bad about it but I was just going to sit in on a session that was already planned so nobody was put out. I don't know what it was today that triggered things off. Maybe a little hormonal, a little tired, a little hungry, a mix of all of them? I don't know.
Here's hoping tomorrow will be better :)
Posted 5/23/2012 3:05 PM (GMT 0)
I have been feeling agitated at times this last few days, getting bad tension headaches again, and letting worry creep in, thought I was on the road back to a full blown attack! But I havent let myself go there. I read up about mediation last night, found some great info on it, and then practiced some which helped me so much, I learned that you can quiet the mind completely, block out all thoughts while doing it (you have to really try) and so it is therefore possible to block out negative / anxious thoughts at will when you get good at it! I had a great morning, no anx all day, then I found a tension headache /agitated feelings coming on a short time ago - just practiced some calming meditation and breathing / neck and head massage, only 10 - 15 mins and I feel fine now. So hopefully the remainder of my day will be great too. I heard an interesting quote recently which I now cherish & remind myself of it every time self doubt creeps in.....

'those who say ''I cant'' will achieve nothing,
those who say ''I'll try'' will achieve much,
but those who say ''I will'' can achieve anything.'


Ahhh, its good to vent.. yeah
Posted 5/23/2012 3:13 PM (GMT 0)
Awesome thread !

I can finally say that after  4 months of being in a bad place with my  depression and anxiety I have finally come out into the sunlight again.

I feel good and even thow I will have a twinge of anxiety I can let out the tears and move on which feels so good to me. 

Yesterday I went and had a spa day on my own - nobody had to drive Ms. Daisy.  I am back in my comfort zone again.  Monday I made the 200 mile round trip to my home town to take my parent's urn to the cemetery in time for Memorial Day.  I woke up Monday morning in a bit of high anxiety and shed some tears but recognized that the tears were due to the sadness of knowing that my Dad has been gone for so long now and I still miss him so very much.  Once on the road I was fine and I was able to stand at my parents grave site and remember the good times we shared.

I do believe my medications are finally straightened out and I am back to living each day by staying in the moment.

I know that I will have bad days again but I will always keep my eye on the good days that will follow.

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 5/23/2012 6:13 PM (GMT 0)
Hi SC

Great idea for a thread and some good input already, A 4 pager me thinks. I am super stressed at the moment in the middle of an employment tribunal case which is causing a lot of anxiety at the moment . The bad experience I had at my last place of work has changed me it has really knocked my confidence and the prospect of getting new work is also anxiety provoking.

I really want a job but have been out of work for over a year know so the prospect of going back to work is very daunting which is strange I never thought I would feel like that. The way I was treated in my last place of work has made me loose trust in the workplace and I worry if it will happen again.

I suppose nothing is easy in life but some times I wish things would not be so difficult but as Bob Marly said "Don't worry be happy, Cause every little things going to be alright" wise words.

Hibee
Posted 5/23/2012 8:40 PM (GMT 0)
BD,

Been having some rough days myself, hang in there, things will get better...and don't spend time feeling bad, you have to do what is best for you...and at that moment, it was not adding to your stress!

Dakota,

Glad to hear that you have been doing well:) I hope that you continue to have improvement...good job on the relaxation practice! Oh, and great quote...thanks;)


Kitt,

You don't know how happy I am to hear that you are at last feeling better and having a breakthrough after what I am sure felt like an eternity!

I am doing the happy dance with you my friend turn
I hope that you continue to feel good................forever!;)

Ben,

I know that this whole thing has been a trial. I just want to encourage you...you've done all of the right things, stuck it out, and have been a champ.

When the right oppurtunity comes along, you will rise to the challenge and ROCK it out;)

Hugs to you guys,

S.C
Posted 5/26/2012 3:11 AM (GMT 0)
What a great idea. I'm sure we all have our own demons we deal with that can trigger a bad day. I am fairly new to this forum and also new to dealing with anxiety. I have been experiencing it for about 2.5 years but just recently decided it's time to confront it and try to get my life back.
I am on my 6th day of going from 60 mg of Cymbalta to 30 mg. I have felt so much better so far. Wed. and Thursday were awesome days. Felt great, no anxiety. Best days I've had in a long time. Then came today. Last week I had lots of medical tests run and got most of the results today and things are not good. Put me in a real slump today. I guess more depressed than anxious. The anxiety will probably set in tonight if I can't clear my mind and get some sleep. I am also on 300 mg of Welbutrin and 2 mg of diazepam every 6 hours. I have not had any diazepam in the last 3 days, not even today yet. May need some to help with sleep now. I long for the days before the open heart surgery that brought all this on. The days when I didn't have to take all these meds to get by. I know I can't get there by going back so I have to move forward and try to get back to where I was, maybe even better than I was because of what I may learn to get there! Thanks for listening!
Posted 5/26/2012 4:47 AM (GMT 0)
Bronco,

It is tough when the news that we get is not as good as we would like it to be...but you know what? Things are going to be allright. Like you said...you have knowledge on your side, and you are going to do the things that you need to do to stay healthy!

You will have those good days back again soon...this is just a temporary bump in the road.

I hope that you can sleep, that your anxiety stays down, and that things will seem more positive tommorw.

Keep posting!

S.C.
Posted 5/26/2012 8:40 AM (GMT 0)
Ok well I said that I stoped on Monday right, I really did until 4:00 I'd say, I've been going at it again I am sssssoooooooo PISSED cause it was going on 3 an a half days from Monday so does this mean that I have all over again with going cold turkey????????
Posted 5/26/2012 9:13 AM (GMT 0)
Went to sleep ok but have been up for about an hour and have given up on going back to sleep anytime soon. Just took a diazepam, maybe that will help but will definately slow me down this morning! I'll feel better when the sun finally comes up. Thanks for the kind words scardy cat!
Posted 5/26/2012 6:12 PM (GMT 0)
well I sold my home because I couldnt pay the property  taxes and help my daughter who has health issues and cant work . well I moved in with her two weeks ago. I didnt know they had 8 pets.my grandaughter  went out last night    and locked the dogs in her room the two huskeys keep banging on the door and kept me up night.they go places and I have to deal with the pets alone. then the children drop drinks on the floor and not clean it up.one large drink was dropped all over thr floor. I cleaned it this morning.toI have a lot of anxiety now. I dont have a car so I would have to buy  a car to move to an apt.I want to help her but I dont see how I can stay here.

hugs, Caren 

Posted 5/26/2012 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
PC,

It's okay...this is just a set back...no, you don't have to consider it starting all over again...just continue to try your best from here on. Focus on the almost four good days that you had...not the one slip!

CP,

That does sound tough! You will have to make a decision on what is ultimately going to be good for your health...and the health of your relationship with your daughter and grandkids. I am sorry that this is rough for you right now...maybe given some time things will ease a bit.

Hugs to all of you:)

S.C.
Posted 5/26/2012 9:03 PM (GMT 0)
After a bout with anxiety, a few months ago, that was unlike anything I had experienced before, I feel like I am doing better these days. I am taking a low dose (5mg) of Lexapro and a beta-blocker. I still sometimes have anxious thoughts, but nothing like it was. I was seeing psychiatrist every week. Now he says every other week is sufficient. So things are headed in the right direction. I am able to do the things I enjoy. When I was at my worst -- unable to sleep and unable to think about anything other than the issues that were causing my anxiety -- people on this forum helped me. I will always be grateful for that.
Posted 5/27/2012 3:18 AM (GMT 0)
Awesome update medved! It is so good to hear that things are better for you now. I hope that they continue to be so! We are really glad that being here helped you out. I know that I owe a lot of my recovery to this community as well:)

Keep up the good work!

S.C.
Posted 5/27/2012 3:20 AM (GMT 0)
There must be different kinds of anxiety or it affects people in a different way. I have read on these forums that some people get away for a weekend or vacation and feel much better. Those things can be very relaxing and they used to be for me. This is the biggest problem for me since the anxiety started. We haven't been anywhere for 2.5 years. I have been better about doing errands and things close to home by myself but I still won't ride with anyone, I need to drive myself so I can be in control and leave if I need to. Some things I just plain don't do anymore. We even sit in a different place in Church. Gotta be by the door. I really don't like going anywhere more than an hour or so from home and won't go that far without my wife. I won't ride public transportation or fly anymore. I have improved some over the past 2.5 years. At first I couldn't stay home alone, but I can now. My wife went to Vegas this past fall with her sisters to visit their aunt and I stayed home for 4 days which I thought was a major accomplishment for me. Wish I could get to where I could go with her. I don't have anxiety at home much anymore, just in crowded social settings and traveling to far from home or alone sometimes. Our social life is nothing like it used to be and I feel bad for my wife. Just keep hoping it will get better with time. I just hope the new medical issues don't push me backwards as that is what brought all this on in the first place.
Posted 5/27/2012 5:32 AM (GMT 0)
I won't ever ever EVER find anyone or visa versa, all because all of my scares I'm sssssssooooo ahsamed I really really am but this all the dalt of it My mom always, I mean ALWAYS saids 2 me all the time, I mean ALL THE TIME, I finally finally come 2 realize that shes sssssoooo right, it sadness me SSSSOOOOOO much
Posted 5/27/2012 6:01 AM (GMT 0)
broncho,

I absolutely agree that everyone has differing anxiety...and what relaxes one person, may actually bring on more stress for another. Being away from home used to challenge me as well. Hopefully as you continue in your recovery, this will get easier for you. For now, it is okay to do what you need to feel secure.:) I am hoping for good things for you health and anxiety-wise in the future!

PC,

You are beautiful inside and out. There is someone meant for you that will see this as well, don't despair. We are all a work in progress. Keep trying and working on your issues, and see what, or who, the future will bring your way.:)

S.C.
Posted 5/28/2012 3:34 AM (GMT 0)
Last week I had the Dr. reduce my Cymbalta from 60 mg to 30 mg. I think tomorrow I am going to try and quit cold turkey after a week on 30 mg. I go back to the Dr. the 12th of june, hope to be able to tell him I don't need it anymore. He doesn't know I'm doing this and if it's too difficult I will ask for his help on the 12th. Good night all!
Posted 5/29/2012 12:10 AM (GMT 0)
Bronco, you are correct.  I have come to realize that anxiety manifests itself differently in each person.  I have not been to my phsycologist since I had surgery in early December for a hernia and reflux. 

Even though i was told right before my surgery that my line of business was being phased out and my release with severance would be January 20th, I was ok.  At first I was upset, then I realized I would never leave this incredibly stressful job unless the hand was forced by a lay off or something.  Well, I returned from surgery a couple weeks before my surgeon wanted me to in order to get things wrapped up, but then I was offered a different job, but basically doing the same thing.  OMG, I so wish they would not have saved my job.  I felt flattered at first, but the intense sales production goals are insane, so is the work load, so my anxiety and panic are resurfacing for sure.

Mine manifests itself by fear of highway driving, public speaking (I visit clients and give sales presentations all the time), so I have to take Klonopin almost every day. Also, in my almost 8 years at this job, I am on boss number nine and he is very abrasive.  So, I am reduced to tears a lot of times at our 1 on 1 sessions, and I know it is my nervous system releasing at the worst time. I have worked so hard, and long hours for this company, and to be made to feel so devalued is so very upsetting.  There are 7 of us in this department and he wrote up 4 of us out of first quarter for not making our loan goals. I made well over 100% of all other goals, but was written up for the 1.  We are all so out of our minds stressed.  First time I've been written up, and I am just losing it.

My doctor said a while back, the 2 most common panic provoking things in most people with anxiety is driving and public speaking.  I still have breakthrough anxiety and a feel panic start to come on, even on Klonopin.  I take 2 before I know I have to get on the highway, and then 2 again later on for presentations and client calls etc.  I am to take no more than 4 a day, nor do I want to. My doctor wants me on Lexapro and I keep fighting it.

The driving and all the commotion in traveling makes me understand why you don't travel Bronco.  I still do, but I have to take Klonopin, especially on a plane - closed in space and no way to get out of the situation once you are in the air, freaks me out!

My anxiety came out of nowhere several years ago, and seems relentless.  I fear I will never know what a day without anxiety feels like.  I know as long as I stay in the toxic environment, it will not go away, but I have applied for other jobs and so far no luck. I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the road, it still has to be mowed, but even if I have to take a pay cut, reduced stress (if that is possible in today's work world) is so worth it.

Heard a good quote from a movie today; "We are here for a good time, not a long time."  I so wish I could adopt that attitude, stop worrying about what's going to happen, and just live each day as it comes.

Sorry so long, i guess I had a lot bottled up.  None of my friends understand, and I don't want to burden them.  Lucky to have this site! Virgo

 

Posted 5/29/2012 1:48 AM (GMT 0)
Well Virgo, it sounds like your work is definately causing you some problems. I took early retirement for much of the same reasons. I was in management but in this economy everyone is trying to do more with less. Same as you my work load was getting the best of me, but that was a seperate issue than the anxiety for me. When I went back after open heart the pace and stress was taking it's toll on me so my cardiologist advised me to find something diferent or quit. The anxiety was triggered by the surgery and caused me to do things differently at work and I would have to take valium to be able to sit in on a pre-construction meeting. I would find excuses to not ride to meetings with my boss so I would meet him there. I just needed to feel like I could get up and leave if I had to. I have been through many difficult times over the years and never had this happen. There have been many moments in my life where I have felt anxious but it never lasted, I was always able to stay in control. I was in the military 4 years and was sent to Vietnam twice, was aboard a ship at sea that caught fire and almost sank. I had to come home on emergency leave because my 4 year old brother was run over and killed in front of our house, 9 months later I had to come home on emergency again because my other brother was shot in the head and not expected to live, he did survive. I have been thrown through the winshield of a car. I have been busted up pretty bad after hitting a utility pole on a motorcycle, and that's not the only time I was hospitalized from motorcycle accidents. I could go on and on. The point I'm trying to make was none of these events left me in this shape.
It actually wasn't the open heart that started it all. June of 2009 I went to the hospital with chest pains and had an angiogram. They decided to put two stents in. They were what they call kissing stents, I was on the table 4 hours and awake through the procedure. Things didn't go well and they almost lost me twice during the procedure. If that wasn't bad enough when they sent me home they told me there was a 30% chance the setnts could fail within 12 weeks. I felt like a walking time bomb. I didn't know if at any moment I would drop dead of a heart attack. That's when all the anxiety started. Well, it took 13 weeks for them to fail and I was back in the hospital for open heart. I went into a bad depression after that and the anxiety got worse and I have been dealing with it ever since. This is hard for me and so foreign to me. In 1987 I lost my job for the first time in my life due to a bad economy. I was devastated and went on a 4 year drunk, the last two I don't remember much about. I was picked up on a Harley with a blood alcohol of .38, ended up in jail then the hospital and it's all along story but the bottom line is the Dr. told me if I didn't quit drinking I was going to die, my wife told me if I didn't quit drinking I was going to die alone. I quit cold turkey and was ordered by the court to go for substance abuse counseling. He offered me medication to help me through the withdrawals and I refused, I told him I wanted to feel every bit of the pain so I would never want to go back there. Once again I felt like I was in control and got through it all. Now, the anxiety is in control and has changed my life and not in a good way. I can't seem to get on top of this one. I want my life back again and I would rather do it without meds but if that's what it takes I'll accept that, This is slowly taking the fight out of me.
Well Virgo, I guess I vented also. I am so lost in this right now and don't know how this got such a strangle hold on me!
Posted 5/29/2012 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
By the way Virgo, money and position is not everything in a job. If you have to loose a little of both to feel good about getting up and going to work then go for it. Don't put yourself at the mercy of controlling people if you can find a way out of it, and I know in this economy that's not an easy option sometimes.
Posted 5/30/2012 1:58 PM (GMT 0)
GUESS WHAT EVERYONE confused confused :confused I havent picked since last Monday at 4, I don't know just how many days that is excactly but I don't give a CRAP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I just give a CRAP that I stoped FINALLY WWWWWHHHHOOOOO HHHHHHHOOOOOOOOO
Posted 5/30/2012 3:47 PM (GMT 0)
High Fives PC!!! Great job, and I hope that you continue to have success! Here's to more days of feeling calm and not feeling the urge to skin pick.:)

S.C.
Posted 5/30/2012 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone
✚ New Topic ✚ Reply
1234