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30 years living with anxiety and depression

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Posted 7/9/2012 3:22 PM (GMT 0)
Someone please post some encouraging words as my anxiety is off the charts again and all I can do is cry.  Feel so alone in this and I know all the things that should help but I keep riding this horrible roller coaster of anxiety and feeling so bad.

I am truly afraid that I will just keep getting worse and this is what the rest of my life will be. 

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 7/9/2012 3:28 PM (GMT 0)
Been suffering alot of years too.. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. so i've heard and seen people snap out of it. We can do this with lots of support.
Posted 7/9/2012 4:07 PM (GMT 0)
To My Dearest Friend Kitt

Sorry to here that your anxiety and depression is bad right now please know I am always here to listen and support you so feel free to FB or email me at anytime for a chat. Things are tough for you at the moment but I know how strong you are and you will get through this.

You are a very valued member/moderator here at healingwell and have reached out to so many members to offer support you are an inspiration to me. You are not alone and we are all behind you willing you onto the next small step or goal. You can beat this take care of you.

Hibee
Posted 7/9/2012 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Where do moderators go for support if not here in their own forums ?

Thank you Ben and bambola2nv !

Posted 7/9/2012 6:43 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt - You have done a lot of good, for a lot of people -- including me, when I really needed it. I don't know whether that makes you feel any better. But I hope it does. You deserve to be happy. Best wishes, Medved
Posted 7/9/2012 6:46 PM (GMT 0)
Hang in therekitt. Only been here for a bit but your words have helped me allot. :)
Posted 7/9/2012 7:09 PM (GMT 0)
You go to your friends Kitt-Katt! You have my contact info...FB, e-mail, or give me a call anytime you need to talk/vent/scream...I can take it!

S.C.
Posted 7/9/2012 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
SC,  I don't have your number cry .  I know I just need to practice what I have learned to control my emotions  but the hardest thing is not being able to leave home alone anymore as I get so anxious.  I am afraid of breaking down in public. 

I wonder if I will ever get any of  my old life back? I used to have a life relatively free from fear.   I could travel anywhere and do what I enjoyed without all this anxiety.  For some reason over the past 6
years, my world has become very, very small.

I have this enormous fear of leaving my safe place - my house.  I am not afraid of people but of how I will react when away from home.   I look around me all the time at people at work, at the clinic, in shopping centers and I feel like I am such a loser as I can't just be without feeling anxious.

When I do go out, it's usually because I have a specific appointment and someone is counting on me to show up, and so I FORCE myself to go.

I also understand that my reactions  stem from low self-esteem and pessimism. I have a new therapist whom I like as well as a good psychiatrist but my support system other then the professionals is very small - my hubby and one phone friend in my life.

I have wonderful children but this is not something they want push upon them regularly as they do not understand anxiety or depression.

I know - get a grip and get back on my horse or I will just sit here crying and that will not help.

Sadly,

Kitt



 

Posted 7/9/2012 11:25 PM (GMT 0)
We are all here for you, Kitt....just as you are here for us. In the short time that I have been here, your words have helped so much. I really hope that you are feeling better soon.
Posted 7/10/2012 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt,

If there was anything I could do now to take away your anxiety
and stress immediately I would. I just know from this forum
what a giving person you are, that takes the time to help others
with your advice, which from my own experience does help.
If anyone deserves peace of mind, it's you.
I know it's easier (like everything else) said then done, but
try not to be so hard on yourself. Hope you feel better soon.
Posted 7/10/2012 2:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt,

I don't know you but I can really sympathize because I've been battling depression and anxiety for almost as long. I keep trying different medications but have become hypersensitive to most medications recently. I used to never get side effects and now I get most of the ones named for each medication. I don't know how you feel about meditation, but I'm holding out hope for this new meditation I read about recently in the peer-reviewed journal PNAS. The meditation is called IBMT and in the abstract, the authors actually make the bold statement that "This dynamic pattern of white matter change involving the anterior
cingulate cortex, a part of the brain network related to self-regulation, could provide a means for intervention to improve or prevent mental disorders." It results in structural brain changes in as little as 11 hours and an improvement in mood. That seems powerful. I emailed one of the authors and they're developing a DVD which can teach the technique. It's one glimmer of hope; I really am tired of medications. In case you're interested, this Drs website is: http://www.yi-yuan.net

I just thought I'd throw that out there. New treatments come along every so often. I think they will really increase in the near future.

Be well,
Kathy
Posted 7/10/2012 1:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Kitt

I really hope you feel better soon, and get back on the horse as you said. You deserve so much more than feeling like this.
We would all like to give you a hug right now.

wishing you well xox
Posted 7/10/2012 3:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you to each of you and for the support, kindness and the suggestions which I will look into. 

My anxiety and depression has been keeping me prisoner since the end of December. It keeps me in a very dark place but coming here and helping others has always been good therapy for me and there are days and even one whole week where I saw sunshine. 

I will continue to fight back and I am always open to new ways to battle against my mental health disorder.  I do understand everyone affected by anxiety has a unique relationship with it and that is what makes this forum so awesome.  We can come here, ask for help and support and not worry about being judge - only supported.

Today is rocky but yesterday was so  much worse that I accept rocky for today.

I had my good cry this morning and now I will try to just move on through the day.

Thank you to each of you,

Kitt 

 

Posted 7/10/2012 11:53 PM (GMT 0)
O I am so sorry Kitt.

You sound like such a compassionate person and the way you care for others when you yourself are suffering is commendable.

I will keep you very much in my prayers. Know you're not alone in your anxiety; we are all here with you, fighting it together.

LP
Posted 7/11/2012 2:39 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

Hope you feel better soon. Not sure what causes these anxiety flares when we are all so used to coping with it for our entire lives...I know I have times when I feel like I want to jump out of my skin I feel so nervous yet most times my coping methods work.

You have been much help to me when I have come to this forum.

Are you in menopause by any chance? I had a real peak in anxiety when I was in it. Do you take xannax or anything similar or does that not get you relief?

Not sure how you feel about spirituality but hope you don't mind that I'm putting you in my prayers.

I wish you all the best.
Posted 7/11/2012 2:37 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

You are definitely not alone. I'm sorry that you aren't feeling well. I know exactly what you are talking about. Things will get better. I know that fighting anxiety can be very tiring but it is worth it and you will win. There has to be a usefulness to our anxiety. Maybe in this day and age it's just that it's been made obsolete or something but perhaps in the past it had some use. There's just too many of us that have these feelings for them to be nothing more than a detriment. Maybe we used to be amazing advisers to kings or something. We're pretty good at seeing where things can go wrong so we would tell the royal head-honchos "you know that won't work" and we'd get all kinds of praise and rewards.
Good days do happen. Perhaps we appreciate them more because we see them better than people without anxieties. They will come. I'm sending hugs and I hope that today something pops up to make you smile.
Keep your chin up, Kitt. We're here for you.

-Razzbeary
Posted 7/11/2012 4:04 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning Everyone,

This morning has been a mixture of high anxiety and tears and working hard at staying in the moment.  Like each of you, I have some challenges in my life and these past months the challenges feel immense.  I am getting easily stuck in sadness which than turns quickly to anxiety as I feel so frightened that I will not be able to break out of the everyday fog.

I am trying to  relax as much as I can, rest my mind, don’t over-analyze the situation and just let go till the emotions pass away. I do appreciate the prayers and the encouraging words as well as each of you who understand how this feels at a heart to heart level.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 7/12/2012 8:59 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, I feel your pain and anxiety. I wish I could take it all on my shoulders for you, at least for a day. I tell my self, when I feel like bashing my head against the wall, that I made it thru yesterday. This day is half gone and tomorrow is an opportunity to learn something that will help us all. Now sweetie, let me tell you this. its a sure fire way to feel good in the moment. I usually wait until after my hubby has gone to bed. I am a nite owl. Have I peeked your interest? Its this. Get out the biggest drinking glass you have. Take hersheys chocolate and put lots in the glass. Fill it with milk, fat free works just fine. Make sure there is lots of chocolate. Mix it together well and sit down in your most comforting place and drink it all down. Burp really big, thats healthy, and smile to yourself. I do it even tho I am a diabetic, I dont make it a habit of this but it sure helps on those bad days. Many folks may think thats crazy, so what, it works for me! Im thinking of you. You are a blessing to so many. You are helping right now by sharing and caring..Cat
Posted 7/13/2012 5:19 PM (GMT 0)
Cat,

You put a smile on my face as I am a true lover of chocolate.  IMHO there is no such thing as to much chocolate.  I believe my ancesters lied to me and did not come here to MN from Canada but were truly from the sweetest place on earth, Hershey, PA.  turn

You are not crazy - if it works for you then go for it.  I will take your advice to heart and if one night you hear a really big burp and it is not coming from you then you will know someone is drinking a giant glass of chocolate milk.  !

I am feeling a bit better today but kind of in this fog - to many issues on my plate so I think my brain is trying to shut down a bit.  Scary feeling.

Hugs,

Kitt

Posted 7/14/2012 11:15 AM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I am so sorry to hear about this, I know I am a fairly new member to the forum, but you have already used your posts to help me. Can you find any activity, with your family, or with a few friends, that can take your mind off it a little? I know from my own experience that that is sometimes very hard to do. And mine is working Long long days, just to put myself fully in another place.

I am 20 and have had this for 2 years, I cannot even begin to imagine 30 years, because everyday is a struggle, but I look at you as inspiration alot, that after 30 years, you still try to help everyone on this forum as much as you can, and as you do for us, we are all here to help you as well.

I really hope things turn around soon, and you can get to a point where you find joy in an activity, and you can go from there.

Feel better!

-Mike
Posted 7/14/2012 11:47 AM (GMT 0)
How are you Kitt?
I hope this note finds you moving towards peace of mind.

Warm Regards,

Weary
Posted 7/14/2012 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning,

I am beginning to strongly suspect that the medication I started on in December is causing this flare to continue yet I hate the thought of weaning off the med as it does have withdrawal side effects which scare me.  I know I will have to make a decision and soon as each day I am to anxious to leave home I just feel worse.

I do keep busy but the anxiety is very strong.  I am doing my very best to stay in the moment and know that I am OK.  It’s so easy to get stuck in a loop of old memories. I want to  move away from them but there is a feeling there that brings them back over and over. I am working on  decreasing  the power that feeling has over me.

 

Coming here and helping others makes me feel useful as well as it is part of my therapy to think about others and not focus on myself and my worries. Each of us need to find reasons to laugh. This will bring light and happiness into our life, and help drive anxiety away.

 

I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love,

 

Kitt

Posted 7/15/2012 2:27 AM (GMT 0)

Try the info in this PDF file from online that I ran across. Some of the ideas really helped me and I will use them with some of my clients and train staff on them as well.

I especially like the intervention that allows us to observe the anxiety and make rational comments about it from a neural perspective "There goes my amygdala again", makes it easier for me to understand that the anxiety isn't some mysterious thing but has an explanation and I can center on that instead of letting my mind wander off and catastrophize about heart attacks and so on.

<Edit>  Link removed as the information in the power point presentation was directed at Medical Professionals and possible treatment options for their patients. 

Please refrain from referring to your " clients and staff"  In the forums we are all peers with problems with anxiety.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/15/2012 9:03:47 AM (GMT-6)

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