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Hard Past Few Days - Alone

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Posted 7/20/2012 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
Wow, these past few days have really been tough. I have been in total panic mode. I have been freaking over ever single little thing in my body, and I feel very alone. My parents left for out of town for only 2 nights and they return tomorrow and I just feel so scared and feel like I need to be around them. My summer has not been the greatest as is, all I have been doing is working. I completely broke down the other day, had a major panic attack, and as well as today I broke down in tears over this stupid arm lump. Ever just feel like you have nothing to live for cause your body feels like it's tricking you into having every single bad thing in the book. I think theres always imperfections but one little thing can totally freak me out, and I get the whole "I am dying" mood on. It is such a terrible feeling. I am only 18 how can this be happening. It is just so hard to make yourself believe you're fine.
Posted 7/20/2012 3:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, I am 18 years old as well. And I know how you feel, every single thing freaks me out and I search the symptoms on google and it brings up these devastating diseases like MS, or Cancer etc. And my body seems to mimic every single one of those symptoms, I've actually cried over the fact I might have actually had MS. I've talked to my doctor who also thinks I'm nuts with these, 'problems'.
Posted 7/20/2012 3:31 AM (GMT 0)
flashinglights,

I am sorry you are going through this, I know how hard it is for you. I do deal with those types of thoughts, that everything is bad and I am dying. Today I was a bit panicky over a mosquito bit, thinking that I had some sort of horrible sickness. My anxiety today is a bit up because of the heat and dealing with people and stressors at the fair that I went to this evening. Right now I am a bit anxious, and of course that lovely thought "I am sick and dying" is going through my head. I am trying to overcome this by playing games that interest me, talking to my children, and reading the forums.

As for your age, anxiety hits at any age. My daughter is 10 and she has anxiety like I do. It runs in the family so I try hard to encourage her.

I know how hard it is to make yourself believe everything is fine, because it's hard to believe that when the mind is going bonkers. However, everything is okay, and you are fine. Maybe take some deep breaths, watch a comedy, write in a journal, or meditation. I know writing helps me a lot when I get anxious. I think getting it out and off my chest helps the most.

I do wish you the best, keep us posted. I will be checking the forums for your responses. Maybe me and you chatting might help?
Posted 7/20/2012 3:45 AM (GMT 0)
It is crazy to think, just some of the things I have tricked myself into having or in total belief of. Heart disease, diabetes, kidney failure, stomach cancer, high blood pressure, liver failure, ms, brain tumours, blood clots, etc. And now my worry is lymphoma. Looking at all that, makes me feel insane, because I don't have any of that, and I know that. It is just so scary. I have not done anything all summer and I just feel like I am completely obsessing over my body and it is not good, or normal. I agree! Getting your mind off of it, is the best thing, I notice I feel fine when my mind is not on it. I think to myself, if I we're to think about the things I have had done, from 6 EKGS, to bloodwork, to a chest x-ray, I know something would have shown up if I had "lymphoma". It is crazy to search 1 symptom, and boom, worst thoughts and results. I have been having shortness of breath all day long, and just feeling so blah. I try and take time to calm and it feels impossible because I still think "don't think just trying to do this will take away the big problem" which is whatever disease I may think I have. I also don't have the best support I need. I was hyperventilating and begging for my parents to just understand and know I can't help myself, and they did not understand, and I felt so scared. It is like they find it a big joke. If I mention something that may be bugging me, they tell me to just stop and it just hurts. My friends understand to a point. I mentioned this lump to my friend today and got the response "you need to go to the hospital what if it is cancer" and I broke down. I just feel hopeless. And trust me, if you knew me, you would believe me to be the last person who you would think is going through this, it is just crazy and life controlling almost.
Posted 7/20/2012 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
Flashinglights,

It is amazing how our minds can make us believe we have some terrible disease. Sometimes when I look back at the times I believed I was deathly sick, I laugh because of how ridiculous the thoughts were (even though at the time they were not ridiculous.) I believe most of us with anxiety feel insane a lot. I know I do, in the morning and before bed is when it's the worst.

As for your support group, sometimes friends and family are hard to talk to and it's hard for them to understand what we are going through. One thing that always sticks with me and I think of is that when I am freaking out, I pray that no one suggests some sort of disease, because I automatically think I have it then. I have two people who I can talk to about my anxiety, but at times it still is not enough because I know they don't understand completely, which is why I started coming here.

I have shortness of breath as well, especially the days where a lot is going on. Like today. It may not seem like much but I took my girls to the fair, and rode rides with them. The event didn't seem stressful really, though I was a bit nervous. When I came home I did have shortness of breath, which made me anxious, it's one of the reasons I logged onto the forums. It really does help when I talk to people or read other peoples post, mostly because I realize that I am not alone and I am not crazy, or sick, or going insane.

My mind has also made me believe I have had cancer (or will get it soon), or have tumors in my brain (or I will get it eventually). Even rare diseases that are like 1 out of a million people get, my mind makes me believe I have it. Well actually it didn't fully make me believe because I know I am healthy, I guess it's trying to make me believe something.

I'm not sure if you seen the link posted around but a site that I found has been helping me quite a bit. its http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au it's an online CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) course type thing. It is free and it takes you through different modules, shows us how we have weird thoughts and such. Maybe checking it out might help you some? If anything it gives knowledge on why we think the way we do. It is weird though because when it comes to anxiety something as simple as thinking positive will help. I still struggle with that, wondering how something as simple as thinking positive can help a complex disorder like anxiety, but it does!

Anyway, I will stop at that xD Hope that helped some :D
Posted 7/20/2012 4:43 AM (GMT 0)
flashing lights the same thing is happening to me
i started 2-3 months ago. i had an abcsess on my neck and then i developed a little lump in my armpit. i googled and read about lyphoma and i wwas convinced that i had it. i was seriously depressed and anxious for a whole week. it was really bad i would cry and wouldnt want to do anything and just think about that. i was going to the doctor and they werent giving me the answers i needed. i googled and i felt like i had all the symptoms since they kept replaying in my mind. till this day i still have doubt but im trying to keep calm. actually todday i had a bit of anxiety because i started thinking about it again. the lump that i have in my armpit i pop it 2 days ago so im thinking its just a boil. but it still worries me since its still there. smaller. i am 19 and its hard. i seen the doctor these past few months more than i have ever since him in my entire life.. i also convinced my mom to take me to the ER and they did blood test and x rays and everything was ok and i still wasnt convinced. i am still abit panicy but im tryinng to stay possitive.
Posted 7/20/2012 11:03 AM (GMT 0)
You guys are so young and my heart goes out to you. Please try to get help and get your anxiety under control early. Im 45 and for the last 2 years have experience high anxiety and panic attacks. Ive had them all my life and at 20 convinced my whole family I had aids. We are all going to die someday, but we are wasting our lives worrying about something we have no control over. This is a great place to come and vent and talk to people who understand. I hope you get the help you need and feel better soon. We only get to be 18 once so dont waste it fearing the worst like I did. Wish you all the best.
Posted 7/21/2012 3:21 AM (GMT 0)
It is so hard to believe the doctors when they say you have nothing wrong, there's a doubt that what if they are wrong, what if they got someone else's test results, etc. It is sad being young and not being able to do the things that the other teenagers are doing because you are either to scared or just to upset. It is taking over my mind, and I know that, I need to see someone, it is constant. Here is such a great place, to be able to express yourself and worries and have no one be negative and just give total support, but also honesty. It truly has saved me from feeling so alone, and I thank every singe one of you, you are all great, not only worrying about yourself and trying to find answers, but caring for others and making sure we are all alright. I get such reassurance from this site and it is great. It is sad to know that we can make ourselves sick, and almost insane to think that we can cause ourselves to have the symptoms. I just wish I could take all the worries away from everyone, but it truly has to be ourselves doing it, but having this great support is amazing. Lilith, I will check that out right now, and will keep you guys updated! Hope to hear from you guys, and how you guys are doing as well.
Posted 7/21/2012 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
Flashinlights,

That's one thing I love about this site, so many people here helping each other in need. The last few days have been rough for me, my mind has been going overboard, but I have been keeping comfort by reading the bible. I know some do not believe in God, but reading the bible has been helping me. It could be just distracting my mind, or honestly the work of God, but for me reading the bible has been comforting. I find myself trying to do more with my time as well, to distract my mind from thinking so negative about things. It's been rough, but I know one day everything will be okay. I guess all in all it comes down to us having to convince ourselves that we are okay and that we are fine, that nothing is wrong. I think my main issues is that I don't trust myself that everything will be okay. I know everything is fine and that I am healthy, but I have not convinced myself of it yet.

Like you I wish I could take away all the worries from everyone, I know how rough it is on people that have high anxiety and worry.

This may sound silly but something I have been trying to keep in mind is a phrase that was said on batman the movie "why do we fall down? to learn how to pick ourselves up" I think I have anxiety and worry so to learn how not to worry. Life is about learning new things, learning lessons. I believe that the ones that worry, our lesson is to learn how not to worry. I know sounds silly, but I am starting to really believe this. It's hard at times to learn something new, but if we keep trying, keep trying to get better, we will eventually succeed. We may not be the best, but we can do it and we will succeed!
Posted 7/22/2012 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
flashinglights,

I am glad to see you posting and sharing your thoughts and feelings here in this thread.  I know I had anxiety at your age but I was not dx with GAD and depression until I was 36 years old.  Before that I just would feel the anxiety and think it was just the way my brain was hard wired.

I have been seeing a professional for 30 years and actually for 24 years did well with a bit of therapy and medication.  It was not until 6 years ok that I had a major event that caused me to have a meltdown and I have been working hard at learning to get past the anxiety and leave my sad feelings in the past.

There is a great free online CBT therapy program that you can work from home and many of our members have found it very helpful.  You can work the program at your own pace on your computer.  Do take a look at it. 

Free on-line CBT programs

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Stick with us and know we understand.

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail". Ralph Waldo Emerson

Kindly,

Kitt

 

Posted 7/23/2012 1:03 AM (GMT 0)
Please if you have ever been biten by a tick,, I dont care how long ago... get a lyme and rocky mountain spotted fever test. Lyme causing all kinds of anxiety, panic attacks.
best of luck
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