Am I alone?

Hi, I'mnew here. I've had panic, anxiety and depression for about 10 years. I am 32 years old with 3 kids and a wonderful husband. As a nurse I know entirely too much ( which is not a good thing for me). Normally my panic and anxiety is health related. I see symptoms or hear of someone having a heartattack and then I'm convinced I am also. I've thought I had tumors, cancer, anuersyms, you name it. This year I had an extremely bad episode that lasted a month. It started with a visit to the chiropractor. After that visit I was convinced he had damaged me (which is not true). After that it's like my anxiety started playing on my worst fears. I became worried I was going crazy and almost checked myself into the hospital. I started to worry about harming myself or my kids, which would then throw me into a panic attack. I eventually got better with the help of Zoloft. But, I recently had a lot of stress due to gallbladder surgery and being out of work for 6 weeks, and my oldest son going to stay with his dad for this school year. This past weekend I had a headache for 3 days and went to the ER to find out why. All the blood work was normal so they did a CT scan. It said I has a sinus infection and a enlarged ventricle (normal deviation). So I of course googled this and found that a lot of people with mental illness have enlarged ventricles. Now of course I'm freaking and scared to be around my own family again. I'm a caring person and an overprotective mother and my worst fear is going crazy and hurting someone else. Any help is appreciated.

hello, this all sounds VERY similar to me, and i understand how frustrating and EXHAUSTING it is - its relentless.

I suffer with anxiety and panic - i was convinced i had hiv and wouldn't even believe the nurse when she showed me the results saying i didn't have it. I banged my head and then was convinced i had a brain hemorrhage. I worry about getting sickness bugs, won't eat ANY seafood just in case i get sick. I have just posted on this board as well because for the past few days i have been had a tingling in my hand and foot and have convinced myself (because of google) that i have MS. I am exhausted and i am FED up with going to the doctors for every single little thing, i feel like they are judging me whenever i go and i worry they think i go too often. (i am in the uk, so the health service is free, so i worry they think i'm taking advantage or whatever)

As for worrying about going crazy and hurting people - I worry about this too. When i used to live with my parents, and after that when i lived in shared student accommodation, i actually used to tie my feet together with string when i went to sleep, because i was so scared i would sleep walk and hurt someone in my sleep. I am not a violent person at all, but i am SO scared i would hurt someone when i was unconscious. Even now i live with my partner of 4 years and i am worried EVERY NIGHT that i will hurt them when i'm asleep.

You are NOT alone. It is frustrating and it is exhausting like i said, but what suddenly sprang to my mind whilst reading your story was how you are a nurse - i used to be a care assistant for the elderly. We are caring people who want to make sure people are happy and well. IT IS NOT IN OUR NATURE TO HURT PEOPLE - even when we go off into our "crazy times" we are not consumed with rage, but consumed with worry for others! The honest truth is, you don't have it in you to hurt someone, you are TOO caring, and thats where your anxiety is stemming from

Hi

A big welcome to healingwell you have found a great support network as you can see from the responses you have already had. I just wanted to pop in and say hi and keep posting.

Hibee

Thanks everyone for your support/stories. It really helps to feel I'm not alone. Today it's been more fear of a heart attack. Probably because a lady I know's 20 year old daughter had a heart attack yesterday. That always freaks me out when a young person has something like that. It's just so hard to know whether to freak out because anxiety can cause so many symptoms. I shouldn't worry since i've had more EKG's and bloodwork this year than most people have in a lifetime :) But I also remembered today that last year the doc had checked my vitamin D and it was slightly low and I am horrible at taking meds. I found out that low vitamin D can contribute to anxiety and depression. So I began taking the vitamin D again today. It would make sense because my anxiety has never been quite as bad as it has been since January. Again thank you for your support and I will update :)

My biggest fear is having a heart attack, as well. Although I have no history in my family of it, I've had several ekg 's and chest x-rays that came back normal, and I'm only 38.

Every time I hear of a younger person suffering a heart attack, my anxiety kicks into high gear. But then I remind myself, young people have also won the lottery, but I never have.

He ryates,

I am sorry that you are still battling the fears related to your health. I know how scary and absolutely exhausting it can be.

Health anxiety is very treatable however...and I am proof of that.:) I used to suffer daily panic attacks that were triggered by health fears. I was stuck in a vicious cycle. Anxiety would cause a physical symptom...which was interpreted by my brain to be a health issue...which then sparked more panic, and on and on it went.

CBT therapy changed my life for the better. Through it, I learned the tools to eliminate the attacks and manage my anxiety.;)

I encourage you to explore all of the treatment options that are available to you. You, your family and your career are worth it!

Keep posting with us as well. It is very healing to talk with others who understand what you are going through. We are here to support and listen.:)

Scaredy Cat

p.s. Congratulations on getting the job!  Way to go.:)