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Posted 12/7/2012 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
I have posted on here many times and have had an overall slight improvement. I still am getting unwanted nervous, insecurities about myself, and annoying thoughts. I am now more annoyed and pissed off with myself for still thinking about them. Im also frustrated with the fact that i can't stop the thoughts myself and always need someone to talk to. that provides temporary relief, but it doesnt go away and frankly i dont always wanna tell people exactly whats bothering me. this causes me a lot of panic and anxiety. i was brought to tears the other night and i cant concentrate anything else but my anxiety. accepting the thoughts doesnt help or make them go away either. Idk what other advice there is, ive heard it all and appreciate it, but im sick of waiting for it to start working. I am gonna give prozac a try on top of the busbar im on right now. I cant take this anymore. Im gonna screw my whole life up because of this stuff. I just wanna be able to control my thoughts and not be nervous at all. Im not gonna give up, but I just needed some place to vent. its probably annoying to read my posts because i say the same basic thing in each post haha. i feel like a nut. When or how long does it take to get rid of this stuff? ive been dealing with this and depression for over a year now. Also, how the heck do i get my self confidence up. on a 1 to 10 scale, my confidence level is darn near close to 0 most of the time with very few exceptions. I just wanna get better already. im sick of dealing with this. thank you for reading. idk what other advice i can get but just being able to vent helps. thanks for reading.
Posted 12/8/2012 4:32 AM (GMT 0)
nervousabouteverything,

Hello and I am Kitt.  I am going to share a bit about myself..............I have had anxiety and depression for 30 years now and most of the time I am good however in 2006 I had a major melt-down without a precipitating event.  I just crashed so I took early retirement and was going to have a heck of a good time.  No more worries.  I know I was a bit lame with that thinking. blush

In August of this year I found out I had a large colon tumor that was nearly blocking my bowl, it was a stage IIIC colon cancer with mets to the lymph nodes. I was blind sided by the news - hit right over the head as I was at the Drs. for my annual physical.   My anxiety spiked and I was beside myself but as I got used to everything, had the surgery, am now receiving chemo I find my anxiety is not near as bad as before all this happened.  I now know I don't have time to live life in the anxiety lane and yes it is OK to feel sad but than I get on with things. I can cry 4-5 times in a day but I let out the tears and remind myself I cannot change the world, I can only change me and how I react to things. I love to laugh and I take every opportunity to find things that make me smile.

There were times when I thought I could not take another day of anxiety and depression before my cancer dx.  but now I kick the anxiety to the curb and do the things I love to do.  I expect to knock this cancer to the South Pole but it takes hard work and I have seen the enemy and he is a nasty bugger. 

We will both be winners if we remember we are good people who deserve happiness and we have the power to help ourselves.

Blessings,

Kitt

 

Posted 12/8/2012 12:48 PM (GMT 0)
Very inspiring words KITT :) thank you!
Posted 12/10/2012 12:00 AM (GMT 0)
i so know exactly how you feel i am so over this as well i have been trying so hard to get over this stupid anxiety it is there all the time the minute i wake up it is there so i go straight for a valium which i feel is not working any more probably taking it every morning for the last to months has had something to do with that
Posted 12/10/2012 6:10 AM (GMT 0)
Yes, anxiety is a real pain in so many respects. It never completely leaves you, sometimes its so sneaky you dont even realize you are already so stuck in your thoughts and in analysis paralysis mode. What I try to do is to just continue doing what I want or need to be doing, whether am doing it with zero attention or whatelse have you.

I still also take xanor when it gets really bad or when my headaches/dizziness becomes really bothersome. Perhaps pepper, for the valium to be effective again, you may want to consider not taking it every morning to regain its effectivity. Its a trade off which only you can decide to make. At my peak I used to take 1.5mg xanor per day until I weaned off daily use to an as needed basis. Right now, I only take 0.125mg when I need to and thats all thats needed for the relief to come. With benzos, what Ive relaized is less is more. hope this helps.
Posted 12/10/2012 9:40 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt, Thank you for your post. I am sorry that you are going through all of what you are going through and my prayers go out for you. I was very frustrated the other night because of the anxiety and I was also trying to fight it on my own rather than talk to anyone. I hate it when people worry about me and lately the only thing that has made me feel better is talking about it. The only problem is I should be able to handle it on my own. I read what you said, and you are right. I have to keep fighting this and I can not let it get the best of me. Get well soon and its inspiring to see an example of someone who can deal with all the adversity you face and be able to enjoy life and help people out. I appreciate the feedback on my post.

I can see how it will never completely leave, but it is just hard to come to terms with. Anxiety and depression have taken a lot from me already and I dont want anything else taken. It has actually made a few opportunities impossible for me to do and more importantly I dont want it impacting my relationship with my family, friends, and my girlfriend. They have all been incredibly supportive and understanding, but it makes me upset that they have to deal with me when I am nervous. I wanna get better for them and myself. I guess I just have to accept that this will never go away but it can be controlled. I want my life back to normal and I know this will go away if i keep working. I just have trouble being patient with it sticking around the way it has been. Thank you all again. I wish I could offer some good advice, but I really dont always know what to say.
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