New Member Intro

Hi everyone,

I have posted on a few threads and figured I would tell y'all a bit about me. So, I'm a 30 year old female, been dealing with intense anxiety and panic attacks for as long as I can remember (I had my first panic attack when I was 5, for years I thought it was something everyone experienced) Developed agoraphobia in my late teens-early twenties. After a bad experience with Zoloft when I was 12 I refused medication and treatment for a long time, 10 years or more. In my early-mid twenties things were just too much to handle on my own, ended up in a couple of 5150s and a long term hospital program. I found a good doc after that and tried just about every SSRI out there, none of them making much of a difference. Finally my doc prescribed what has become my benevolent jailor: Paxil. It is the only thing that touches my crippling panic but lord help me if I miss a dose, the withdrawal effects are murder!

I currently take 60mg of Paxil and about .75mg of Klonopin everyday. And I still have trouble with regular daily functioning. I haven't worked since April, I don't drive anymore, and I have a bunch of irrational "rules" I have to follow to feel safe in various situations. I currently live with my boyfriend and his family and I don't feel comfortable leaving our bedroom without a hoodie on. At first it just had to be long sleeves, and it was just if I was leaving the house, now it has to be a hoodie and it's any time I leave the room. I just finished my application for SSDI with my lawyer, it would be awesome to get approved on the first round (fingers crossed!) but I know the odds are slim.

Like most people who struggle with these issues I imagine, I have good days and bad days. I have a supportive family (two really, my boyfriend's family is very supportive as well) and a stable and loving relationship. Most of the time I am able to view my issues with acceptance and a sense of humor. For example I am terrified of bugs, yet because of my severe phobia of chemicals, I am also afraid of bug-spray

I'm glad to have found this forum and am looking forward to getting to know the community!

Actually, regarding therapy I am very fortunate, where I live we have some really good programs funded by the county. A lot of the services are not advertized and finding the right person to talk to can be tricky but once you find the right places they really have a lot to offer. I have a Dr I see for my meds and I will be starting therapy next week. I'm also looking into a CBT therapy group. I have done individual therapy on and off, honestly I have probably never been able to stick with it long enough to see much benefit, but I did enjoy group therapy before, so we'll see.