Posted 1/4/2013 2:48 AM (GMT 0)
Well the anxiety herbal medication seems to be helping. I've had "much" fewer panic attics and my mood swings seem to be a lot better. I'm still having a lot of communication problems with my daughter and I think this triggers some of my medical problems. It seems she does not care about anyone and really gives me a lot of attitude. I'm a single father strugggling emotionally, medically, and financially everyday. It seems as if I keep taking two steps back. I have always been there for my kids and have tried to give them everything they needed and wanted. I would consider them very spoiled and it has kicked me in the butt. My daughter is 17 and is a senior. I just keep thinking I can't wait until she is out of the house and off to college. I need time away from her. The past two years I have been dealing with several issues with my son. Both my kids know I have always been there for them and they use that to make me feel guilty. My son is in his second year of college and he is now just starting to make some positive changes. Not great ones but little ones. I hope he continues to stay level headed and figures things out. He is difficult to talk to and feels like he has all the answers. I just want him to grow up and get a great education. There's a lot I can keep talking about him but my main problem right now is my daughter. My daughter moved in with me and my girlfried at her house a year ago. I really wanted her to live with me because she was really out of control since I separated from her mother. Her mom allowed her to do whatever she wanted. I wanted her to live with me so I could get her on the right track. I did not want her to follow in her brothers footsteps. My daughter was missing a lot of school and was always late to school because her mom was not being a mom and she did not have any kind of responsibilities. it was a bad situation for my daughter. I finally got my daughter to move in with us. It was great. My girlfriend welcomed her with open arms in her home. I felt great about everything. My daughter did very well with us for the first few months. She loved everything. Then she began slipping with her attitude, it was getting out of control. it was making everyone feel on the edge. This is not her house and she just kinda took over. She did not respect the rules of the house and felt like everyong needed to wait on her. My daughter felt like she is better then everyone else. I'm not sure where this attitude came from. I tried to talk to her and she felt she was doing nothing wrong. I was always getting upset at her because she was really causing problems between my girlfrien and I. My daughter was being very disrespectful towards my girlfrien and her daughter. this really became a big issuse. For a while i was ignoring it because I did not want to deal with it and I did not realize what this was doing to my relationship. Because I has no control of my daughter I was taking out a lot of anger on my girlfriend. I felt so confused and I really became out of control. My girlfriend would argue a lot about stupid things. I could not control myself and was trying to control her. Things were getting bad, very bad. She asked that I move out and we would still date. She wanted me to move back in after my daughter went off to college. I found an apartment pretty quick. I was hurt to move but I respected her wish. I moved out and into my apartment. One week after in my apartment my girlfriend was having an end of the summer party. I showed up after work. I had way to much to drink that night and we got into an arguement. That night ended our relationship. I have a lot to blame myself for. My girfriend and I have had a lot of arguments. But they really were a lot during this past year. She has always said something was wrong with me. She felt I was always hot and cold. I just never listen to her. We were very much in love. I guess I really never evaluated myself. i was blinded because I felt I was fine. I just had so much on my plate. I was trying to make everyone happy and could not make myself happy. i was falling apart and did not see it. The break up tore me apart. It really put me further in the ground. It's been two months since we broke up and I still feel heart broken. We don't really have any communication and she wants to be left alone from me. Right now between the problems I'm having with my daughter and now no girlfriend I'm feeling very lost, stressed, depressed and all kinds of other stuff. I have no idea what direction I'm going. I've had alot of time to think about what i have done. I knew I needed some help. I was affraid to take prescription medication so I saw an ad for the herbal anxiety medication so I decided i needed to try something. I figured if it did not work I would go to the Doctor and get prescribed something. Like I said earlier, It seems the medication is helping. I have also started a support group class that meets once per week. i will continue to go. The only bad thing is there are not real medical Doctors or psychologists there. They are all people like you and I. I'll try until I can afford to go get some real treatment. I would really like to see a professional to get real help. I have also been on sites like these chatting with people like us. This is pretty good, people really do get involved here. I am sure I probably always needed something to help me with mood swings and anger. I hope this medicine hels with that. It seems to be working good. I have been trying to get my girlfriend back and right now it's not going anywhere. She may need more time, she is also far from perfect and has problems of her own to resolve. She can be stubborn and holds onto things for a while. There is no drug for broken heart only time and lots of time. I hope we can find a way to start over. I have been getting help and will always need to get help. Back to my daughter. A few days ago I could not take anymore from her. I asked her to leave for a few days. I told her I had enough and needed time away. She really did not care, she just gave me attitude about it. Between my daughter, my ex girlfriend, work, financial problems, my emotions, my anger, my anxiety, my panic attics, I just felt like I can not take anymore. I wish I would have had medical attention a long time ago. I have not been to a doctor to determine that I have anxiety and panic order but I have done a lot of reading and it sure fits in. I'm sure I probably have some depression with all this going on to, but I don't think I have always been depressed where I needed to be on medication. Right now it just feels like I have hit rock bottom. I do have a lot of other personal problems but I could write this for days lol. Right now i'm just trying to take things one day at a time, but I can really tell you one day at a time sometimes just don't work. I kniw I need to really set some goals. As far as my daughter, I have about 7 months until she is off to college and I will be very honest, I don't know if I will be able to handle that much time with her. I don't have any friends that live here anymore so it has been real hard dealing with this alone and it's kinda hard to just go out and find new people to talk to. I sit a lot in my living room and think things over. It seems as if I'm the only one I can talk to. Well I have no idea whats in store for me tomorrow and I'm trying hard everyday to be stronger. I think if I can find a way to get back with my ex that would help a lot. I believe in my heart that I really understand myself personally and I know I need to keep getting help regarding anger, anxiety, and mood swings. This is going to take some time to get her back and I really have no idea if I can. She is kinda hard to read. Well that's my issue as it stands today. Any ideas or advice would be great. Thanks again and Happy New Year!!!