New here! My name is Tara

Hello everyone.

 

My name is Tara and I am 34 years old and a mother of 3. I have been living with anxiety & panic disorder since I was a child. The first episode I can remember was when I was in 2nd grade at a cheerleading competition at the Pontiac Silverdome. So I am not sure if that is when it all started but that is the first attack I can remember clearly. It's so scary.

 

As the years have gone by my disorders have just been getting worse.  I have been through quite a bit in my life. As far as becoming pregnant at 17, getting married and losing my husband in a car accident at the age of 22. I have lost many people since then, my mother being one of them who I lost in 2009 from lung cancer. I'm sure that plays a big part now with my anxiety. My dad is still alive but has had a heart attack a few years back. So needless to say I feel like im dying EVERY DAY. I have self diagnosed myself with so many illnesses lately. These past couple of weeks have been HORRIBLE. I had an attack so bad in the grocery store the other day I ran to the service desk telling them I needed help that I couldn't breathe and then grabbed the nearest bottle of water I saw because I felt that I couldn't swallow. It was awful. They were very nice to me, took me into the office and talked to me as I calmed down. I can't live like this no more. I have a huge fear of driving on Expressways. I never do it unless it's only a couple miles and I am familiar with the road.

 

I get attacks almost EVERY night that awake me from my sleep. They are so intense I jump out of bed, heart pounding, breathing heavy and I always am screaming and running to the nearest water source because I feel like my mouth is dry I can't swallow, then once I get that drink I realize what is going on. My fiancé has had me grab him when I jump up from bed. Its so scary and every time it happens I wonder was I just about to die and something happened so I didn't? or was it just ANOTHER episode. I have been living like this for so long, I don't even know what normal is.

 

I took Zoloft for a couple years, it helped some with my moods a little with anxiety but had horrible withdrawls when I stopped taking it when I was got pregnant with my 3rd child. So it's been over a year since I haven't had anything. I have been to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack but it was my anxiety. They gave me Xanax which only seemed to worsen it the first couple of times I took it , probably because I was AFFRAID  to take it. I have taken when I can feel a bad attack coming but I'm not really sure if it helps much.

 

So since my latest incident at the grocery store things have gotten worse, I have diagonosed myself with many types of cancer and heart disease. I since have started eating right and have lost 6 pounds and before this I had lost an additional 6 pounds over the past couple of months that I cant account for so that has me thinking I have something seriously wrong going on. I am very over weight, but this last episode has my eyes wide open and am trying to do something about my life style.

 

I have a Drs Appt. today at 6 and I am very terrified as to what she will find...and I am hoping to be put on some type of medication to help me cope with this, even thought I am TERRIFIED of trying and taking pills.

 

Well I know this post has been all over the place and I do apologize, Just tryin to get it all out there.

 

Nice to meet you all and Hopefully we can all give a little hope and help to one another somehow.

 

~Tara

Hi there and thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I am definitely going to ask about therapy as well. I just hope this Dr. who I've never seen takes me seriously on all levels.

I will send an update on my appt.

Thanks again :)

Hi Larry,

It's nice to meet you.

Well went to the Dr. appt. She put me back on Zoloft which I told her that it didn't do much for me and also some type of antihistamine (sp) to help with sleeping at night. Also told schedule blood work to check my cholesterol, thyroid and sugars. I will also be seeing a dietician and will be having a ct scan on my abdomen for these lumps I have found, which I swear up and down it's cancer...ugh. why wont my mind just SHUT OFF WITH THIS STUFF???? anyways, I am greatful to getting things taken care of, but I am not thrilled she didn't listen when I said I didn't want to take Zoloft. So when I left I called the office telling her Im not taking it, so she prescribed Celexa? HOpe this pill is nothing Crazy and helps, because I'm terrified to try it.!

So scared for this CT scan. She thinks to seem the lumps are lipoma. Which would be great if that is all. But then I swear even if I get normal results I will still not be convienced. I hate this. I am going to call around today for a therapist. I need help!

Thank you so much. I really hope she chimes in on my thread as well. I'd love to ask some questions!

Thank you Larry! Makes Sense!

Hi Tara,

Pontiac Silverdome!! Nice to know I'm not the only semi nutso person in our great state!!

I have had just about all that you have mentioned.........right down to the CT's of the Abdomen for a lumpy bulge (negative)...........

Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and praying for good results with the medication. Try not to be afraid of the medication..........the way I look at it is this, If we had Strep Throat, UTI, ear infection or etc., we would take the prescribed antibiotics. Being sick with a illness that can't be seen on the outside doesn't make it any less real.......I have been on meds for a long time and kind of doubt I will ever be off of them.
Also, is the antihistamine Phenegren(spelling)? They have me on that for sleeping............................................

Hugs,
Abby

Tara,

I understand your concern! As a mom, I have never been able to take a sleeping pill either...I feel like I might sleep through one of my kids needing something in the middle of the night.

Although Vistaril is not so much a sleeping pill, as an antihistamine prescribed 'off label' for sleep...and therefore probably not as potent...I still get why you have reservations about it.

Have you considered a natural alernative? Melatonin, Gaba and L-Theanine are all options for a sleep inducing suppliment. Ask your doctor about this possibility if you think you might want to go that route.:)

S.C.