Fear of cancer taking over my life

Hi everyone
First time posting. It's the early hours of the morning here and again I am awake, worrying.. Scared. Terrified I am dying of cancer.
I have always been a natural worrier but until last year it didn't control my life. After a particularly stressful few months at the start of last year, I finally saw a doctor and I was prescribed lexapro which I took with no problems for about a year.
In January this year, my partner and I discussed having a baby so I gradually weaned off the meds.
Everything was going ok until we bought a house (my second mortgage) and I was struck down with severe panic and anxiety which has been gradually getting worse.
I constantly think I am dying of cancer. Have convinced myself it is the inevitable. I have twitching muscles in my back. I can't eat or sleep and 2 days ago I started back on the lexapro.
Am seriously considering stopping as the side effects have made my anxiety 10 times worse.
I have been getting night sweats (which doesn't help the cancer fears)
Blurry vision, insomnia, nausea and diarroahea.
I have absolutely no appetite and feel freezing cold.
My doctor wants me to take 5mg for a week and then go back to see her to do my mental health plan.
I'm terrified of being alone during the days and my partner is at his wits end.
I didn't have these awful side effects last time and I can't remember ever feeling this bad.
I feel out of control and can't work. It doesn't help now we have a second mortgage. I feel huge financial responsibility.
In the middle of the night I fear I have brain cancer, a tumour in my back from a melanoma, liver cancer you name it.
I can't switch off. I've tried breathing techniques and relaxation.
I tried to have a massage but completely freaked out with my head in the hole on the table.
Please help. I'm scared and feel very alone. My friends are getting sick of me. I just want to feel normal again.
Should I stick with the meds even though they are giving me these awful side effects?

Hi and welcome!

I am sorry that you are experiencing the trouble with anxiety, heath, money and new Rx problems...that is a whole lot at once to worry about!

First of all...it sounds like your doctor has a good plan for you. She is advising that you take your med for the minimum amount of build up time, and then evaluating, which usual is protocol. Until that 4-10 week window (approx) it is really hard to tell how any individual is going to respond to an SSRI...and yes, it is fairly common for symptoms to actually increase at the onset of starting!:(

However, 2 days does not sound like enough time even for that to start happening...so I wonder if you are just having a particularly high time of anxiety, or a placebo effect.

Either way, if you can ride it out, then I recommend following your doctor's orders.

I hope that her plan includes a therapy recommendation for you. If not, inquire about it for yourself. I can't tell you what a difference it made in my life!

As far as the health anxiety...welcome home! There are many (I dare say a majority) of us here with the same issues. I can recommend some good books if you would like to get a jump start on treating this...they are CBT based, and very effective.

Keep posting with us. You are uderstood and cared for here. We will be with you along your journey to wellness with support.;)

Scaredy Cat

That is great news about your plan!! I am so happy to hear that. You will get great care, and find much recovery I am sure!

I am sorry to hear about your lack of sleep...that is brutal.:( As you get along in your recovery, it will get better. Sleep problems used to be a big issue for me...not anymore.

Night sweats can be from many things...of course the scary one is the only reason that our anxious minds home in on, but there are plenty of other reasons for this!

Hormonal changes are probably number one. You mentioned trying for a family? Consider what your hormones may have gone through as a result of stopping birth control.

Also factors such as what you eat and drink....especially close to bedtime factor in. Exercise too...basically anything that ramps up the metabolism when your body should be winding down, can cause overheating at night.

Keep on with the plan...I know it is hard, when you want to feel better yesterday! However, if you hang in there, things will improve!

S.C.

I still haven't slept. My body is exhausted but my mind won't switch off. I guess I just need reassurance that there is an end in sight.

I wanted to go to the hospital tonight. I have severe nausea, feel weak and have blurry vision. I'm having hot flushes and I'm scared its the medication. Well I hope it is.
I'm lying here awake. Again. For the third night. Thinking that its cancer. My doctor wants me to stick with the medication for a week but I don't think I can go on with these side effects much longer.
Has anyone else had these side effects from Lexapro?

Thank you Larry. I've been to see the pharmacist who assured me these are all normal side effects which helps somewhat.
I'm so thankful for everyone's support x

Hi lovely people!
The meds seem to finally be working! Yay! I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in weeks. I saw the doctor today and we did my mental health plan. Hope to start CBT soon! Also, the nasty side effects seem to slowly be resolving. I just wanted to thank you ALL for your support through some of my darkest days. I truly don't know how I would have survived without you.
Tomorrow I'm having a whole lot of blood tests and YES I'm terrified but I'm staying positive that they will finally give me reassurance that this was all just nasty nasty anxiety and nothing more.
Love and light xxx

It is all going to turn out allright. I am so glad that your treatment choices are working for you!!

Keep up the good work, and let us know how you are doing soon!

S.C.