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10 days to be free and to be me...........

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Posted 6/1/2013 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/marytobias/guestbook

 

10 days until I start on the new chemotherapy and I am so anxious and afraid my legs shake when I stand up, my stomach is queasy, I feel so sad and yes angry too. 

 

I know it is a wonderful thing that we have medicines available to fight cancer but I know how sick I will be on a stronger med than the first time.  I was dx on 8/10/2012, had surgery followed by 6 months of chemo and never got a NED status (Ned = no evidence of disease) On April 23, I learned that I had recurrence of the cancer.  cry

 

My very first labs, once I completed chemo, my tumor marker was elevated out of the normal range. 

 

Having anxiety and depression and living with cancer is so very hard.   I wish I was stronger.  I continue to practice my positive affirmations and by now I have 100s of statements as I have so many negative thoughts heading into treatment again. " I have done this before and I can do it again",  I'm the General of my own army, I am in control"

 

To each of you, I am here for you though I may not be visible as much once chemo starts but I will do my best to be here when I am able to.

 

Thank you for your support,

Kitt

Posted 6/1/2013 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

You work your hardest to kick that anxiety to the curb...and enjoy the next week and a half.

Borrow my favorite mantra for when I am 'future-tripping':

"It's not time to worry about that now."

We are going to be alongside you the whole way.

You are not without the support of your awesome family, friends and HW family.

You are going to DO WELL and GET WELL through this next course of treatment.

Love and hugs and encouragement!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

S.C.
Posted 6/2/2013 1:24 AM (GMT 0)
Hey Kitt,

Glad to hear from you.

You are a very strong and inspirational individual. I agree with SC. You should not be worrying. Make the best of the next 10 days because I know chemo can be a tough time. However, you will get though it.

As always, we are here for you.

I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Remember to stay positive and strong as always.

Take Care

UA
Posted 6/2/2013 12:51 PM (GMT 0)
I'll pray that you'll get through this. It's so tough fighting cancer and anxiety at the same time, can't imagine myself having it, I think I'll go completely insane while anxiety attacks with high blood pressure will instantly kill me before cancer does. May God be with you.
Posted 6/2/2013 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Kitt

I have been away from the forums for quite awhile and was not aware of most of this...my heart and prayers go out to you. You certainly have had many mountains to get over and it has made you a fighter.

I'm sure there are many times when it must feel like you have nothing left, but I can clearly tell that sometimes it knocks you down, but never out. You have incredible heart and fight in you. It sucks to know anyone has to endure so many bad things...but you are that person that doesn't know how to quit...I hope you continue to find strength that you didn't know you had. I pray that you get over yet another mountain and continue to be the fighter that you are.....Best wishes always....Wingman

Posted 6/2/2013 1:33 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt

Thank you for being an inspiration to us folks with anxiety and panic.and for sharing your life, wisdom, and guidance on this forum. I don't know what it feels like to have cancer although I have had people in my life struggle and prevail.

I want you to know even though we don't know each other or haven't met at all that I'm praying for you that you find peace and calm in what must be the midst of a tropical storm at sea. You're not alone on a boat but you are here with your family, us, humanity, as you ride out this temporary spell of bad weather.

The sunshine always comes. It can rain for 40 days and 40 nights straight through but the sunshine always comes. The challenge in your life will pass, the fear and doubt, it will pass

Joshua
Posted 6/2/2013 8:18 PM (GMT 0)
I will keep you in my prayers while going through treatment. Just remember who your friends and family are here and you will get a long way. Stay positive and keep your chin up. Last but not least, I'll share with you what I said when we found out that my dad has Non-Hodgkins Lympnona-Cancer picked the wrong person to pick on!
Posted 6/2/2013 8:37 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt,

I haven't been a member of the forums long, but I immediately noticed several very wise and kind members. You're one of those members, sharing so much wisdom and kindness with everyone who posts.

I was astonished when I saw your post about cancer the other day. The fact that you can be fighting that, yet be willing to give so much of yourself to people you have never met speaks mountains about you. I think that all of that positivity, all of that kindness, all of that giving, will surely be returned to you.

Though we've never met, I hate that you're going through this. I talked to my husband about you the night I read your first post. We've been praying for you since and will continue to pray for you. This is a battle that you can win!

Love and blessings!
Posted 6/2/2013 8:41 PM (GMT 0)
Wish I could give you a hug. Prayers and love to you.

Carol
Posted 6/3/2013 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Well Kitt, You just Rock my Boat!

Love

Larry ***
Posted 6/4/2013 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Kitt I will be praying for you. You are so strong and such an inspiration. I know you can get through this.
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