Positive Affirmation Needed

I woke up to a panic attack this morning - not a great way to start any day. I thought I was calm enough to function and drove to work, but I froze in the parking lot. I was supposed to assist with new applicant interviews and I couldn't make myself get out of the car! I attempted to call the boss 3 times but hung up before the call went through every time. I finally ended up sending her a text that I wasn't going to be there. I was already there, sitting in the parking lot! She probably even saw me pull in! I sat in my car for almost an hour trying to reconcile that I was at work and could not work - then it turned into just trying to breathe and not cry. I finally just went home and mowed my lawn. I haven't said a single word to anyone all day. My baby sister (she's 20) is visiting and I just gave her some money and the keys to my car for the evening. So on top of feeling incredibly anxious, I'm wicked tired from shaking all day and sustaining an elevated heart rate, and feeling guilty about neglecting my sister. On top of that, my cousin emailed 2 essays this evening that he wants me to help edit for his grad school applications. I feel so crazy!

My heart is still racing. I keep repeating positive affirmations and telling myself that everything will be fine, I can explain to the boss on Monday, but it's still super hard to breathe and every part of me just wants to cry! I hate this.

Joshua pretty much has it right. There have been countless of times I have been getting ready for work and felt super edgy. To the point of standing in my closet looking at my work clothes and almost feeling paralyzed. Each and every time I slowly begin to get dressed and get ready for work. By the time I get to work I usually feel much better.

Anxiety thrives on attention and the more you give it the worse it tends to get. When you feel it come on don't fight it, just roll with it and continue with whatever it is you are doing or going to do....at least for me this almost always makes the feelings of anxiety go away much much quicker than if I were to focus on it or try to push it away

Pushing through the feelings of anxiety has many rewards in the form of victories over something that is trying to take away your quality of life. By allowing anxiety to alter what we do, will allow it to grow and and get more intense. By pushing through it..you will be amazed at how short the awful feelings  will stick around and just how manageable anxiety can become...try doing this...you have nothing to loose except your quality of life...anxiety controls until we face these fears and continue with the task at hand....allow the anxiety to exist with little attention as possible and you will make great gains in recovery and anxiety management.....Best wishes....Wingman

Yes, Larry, I do have a doctor. This is not something new. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder when I was 5 years old. I am now almost 30, have had extensive CBT, and I think I manage my life pretty well. My doctor uses the word 'anomoly' quite frequently because medications have zero effect on me - we're still trying. My biggest issue is that talking is mentally and emotionally painful. I fight through it, work around it, and constantly tell myself "I can do hard things." I feel super edgy most the time but have accepted that as normal and just let it be. Every so often a day just comes along and blindsides me. Still a little shaky today, but it's all good:)