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Posted 6/27/2013 10:37 PM (GMT 0)
I write today to get your point of view and see what you all think&it could help me with my choice, last night was a major set back for me&was hard the only thing that got me through. Was finding a few smiles through my tears&it got me to thinking I need a life,I have no life Iam just here the question was ask on a show arw you living are just here. Iam just here&thats a hard thing to take in for I want to be more then just here,Iam 28 years old&I have no car¬ a good job&the job I work is for high school kids&I live everyday in fear of whats to come. What kind of life is that? I don't desire to live this way it's just how I react to life problems&my mind is my worse enemy. And I know deep down I need to use my heart less my mother who is 56years old,has had to deal with this off&on for years&thats because she is a good mother. But its time I stand on my own to feet&even when I trt to I find her worrying still so much about me,these are her golden years she should be living as much stress free as she can. It has been just me&her for years&she has a son my brother,but he has a family&tend to forget about the both of us&I see the hurt it brings her. The same hurt my grandmother(my fathers mother) died with,when her baby son moved away& kinda forgot about her in his own way. I know she has said it before that sometimes it feel like Iam all she has&other ppl says this too,for we have been two peas in a pod for so long so much alike in many ways. She hides it well but her heart cares to much sometimes like mine&this can be a gift&a curse. As I know if God was to call my mother home today,I wouldn't be able to deal&same here I saw the look many times on her face when she see me sick. Scared. She has told me I will out live her hmmmmmm I want us both to have a long healthy life,but I know I have to get stronger for this and learn to stand more on my own two feet. Sad to say I have found myself to be stronger away from her& able to deal with stuff more better on my own,for when we are close we tend to use each other as a crutch. Deep down I know this is not healtgy,now the question is do I go away for a 90 day program&get help to learn how to deal better. It will bring rules&a locked up jail like no freedom until they say you can have it. Eating,and going out side when they say it's time&sharing a room ppl with major anxiety&other mental illness are there are do I stay in the real world&suck it up&learn to deal the best way I know how with my freedom&I keep my job that I hold on to,only because jobs are hard to come by&again I know you can't tell me what to do. Iam just asking your viee&what would you do to better you if you was in my shoes. For I want to live&leave a major mark on this world&help save lives,for I know someone story is still much greater then mine and so sorry for the book. Blessings to you all.
Posted 6/28/2013 3:04 AM (GMT 0)
Sole, my Dear Friend, You are humble and kind. Also very Loving and Caring especially where your Mother is
concerned. She has done a exemplary job teaching you and raising you. All you need is a break I do not
know what part of the world you are in but God made this world and in spite of all the wrong its not too bad. I wish You would take this problem to The Lord in Prayer. You know as well as I do that you may need to do this many times before you get the answer, but it will come and you will know it. Some little things to
remember. The Story of Ruth, "Whither Thou goest I go, your God will be my God" Many times women have
had to cling to each other for protection and comfort. Also you are still Young and you have the advantage of youth, I would keep my job for now but I would start to look for training and education, most employers do accept on line education for advancement. If you would like to discuss this with more privacy use my e-mail.
Larry ***
Posted 6/28/2013 3:24 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks Larry. I will if I can from my phone but I know I shouldn't share so much,but my life is a open book&I look to get my book to the world If I can ever get done writing it. Again thanks you are a blessing!
Posted 6/28/2013 4:06 AM (GMT 0)
I sent you a email trying to see if it work Larry.
Posted 6/28/2013 4:21 PM (GMT 0)
Feel free to share anything that is on your heart here.:)

Getting these feelings out in the open is very carthartic and healing. You have a great ability to express yourself, and that will serve you well in your recovery!

S.C.
Posted 6/28/2013 5:11 PM (GMT 0)
your story is very close to mine , mom is a great deal in my life she raised me when dad died when i was 2 years old she has been a father and a mother to me , my whole life i wanted to leave my country for good , and had some chances to do so , i live in a 3rd world country and i just cant cope with life here since i was a kid ,and all my anxiety is because of the crap hole im living in ,on the other hand my mom is very attached to me because im the youngest among my brothers , and her extra care and worry about me causes me lots of troubles ,but i understand that its her way of showing love to me , i tried many times to convince her to let me move out side the house and live be my self because i really need this , but she just worry so much ,and then starts to cry and make drama ,and whenever i mention leave the country she just become so so sad and try to convince me not to leave ,im really stuck because i love her so much , but i feel like im an outsider among my family , l really love them so much the are very caring and loving , but im so different from them and sometimes i just cant stand it , it makes me feel like a prisoner , she's at my older brother place right now only for 2 days because she got really sick lately and i told her to change the surroundings to feel better a little cause now she is physically better but her sickness cause her some level of anxiety because she got sick out of a sudden , just 10 mins ago my brother's wife called me told me she is crying because she misses me , i already called her this morning told her i will come by tomorrow ,so i had to call her again and change my plans for the day and i will go to her in fe mins ,i suffer from severe anxiety and constant chest pain for 4 months , because of the crap i had to go through while she was sick , im in a very difficult situation and i just cant deal with all this at the same time :( it makes me feel like im in a goddarn limbo , i just dont know what the right thing to do :(( , hope we both get the right answers soon
Posted 6/28/2013 10:49 PM (GMT 0)
@Adeel1 I wish you well to in your healing yes anxiety can be hard but we will overcome.
Posted 6/28/2013 11:26 PM (GMT 0)
Soul, I returned your message did you get it?

Larry ***
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