Wondering what I could be experiencing

Hi. I just wanted to post my symptoms here, because I am wondering if anyone knows what this could be, or if anyone can relate to anything I am experiencing. One of the worst symptoms I have are intrusive thoughts,
in flashes. They can be anything, from simple words (names, song lyrics, etc) to thoughts that are really scary and usually relate to news stories I see, but can come from anywhere and repeat over and over, almost every day. I have been experiencing this for a couple of years now, and I have no idea why. There have been times where it has been less severe, but right now it is severe and happens constantly. My thoughts are racing almost all of the time. This is a symptom I am afraid to talk about. I am ashamed of many of them. I can't be sure they are what I think they are, but it seems likely . I usually try to ignore them, but when I do I feel bad that I allowed the thought to happen, because if it is really bad, I feel like I am justifying the thought. Knowing what it is makes it less scary, but I still feel like I can't just ignore it because it isn't normal, and it makes me feel like a bad person.I also have a problem with checking. For example, I check several times to make sure doors/windows are locked. I also have a problem with needing to check anything I write that I need to send somewhere or give to someone, because I have a fear of writing something incorrect or innapropriate. My other symptoms include general nervousness in every day situations (social situations, job interviews, etc) and what I think is derealization (which has improved over the years) I don't trust that the things I am saying or thinking are true. I question constantly whether or not I am being honest, and also question how honest other people are.I am restless almost all of the time when I am anxious, and even though I do not think I have had a panic attack, I feel on edge all of the time and like I could. I sometimes feel very irritable, and angry. Sometimes this happens all of a sudden, and sometimes it happens over time. When I am not thinking about my anxiety, I wonder why, and I think that I should be. I am never bothered by one symptom for a long period of time, but usually many symptoms and fears that change constantly. Sometimes I don't even know how I feel, but sometimes when I feel apathetic about anything, it makes me worried. I also find that I do and say things almost automatically sometimes, without thinking about them. My biggest fear is becoming a cold or insensitive person. I don't like how I don't respond enough to my symptoms, like
I should feel more badly than I do at times, but most of the time I just think about them and don't respond emotionally. Many of my symptoms are more mental than physical anxiety symptoms. This is really hard for me to explain. I am not sure what this is. I used to think and was told by a professional a few years ago that I had Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but I did not tell them many of my symptoms, and I have only had most of these symptoms for the past couple of years. I experience both anxiety and depression, and usually one occurs for a period of time, and then the other one occurs at another time. Sometimes, though, they occur at the same time. This has been ongoing for the past year. I need to get a professional opinion about this, but I am just wondering if anyone can relate to any of this, or if anyone knows what it could be. Sometimes I am afraid that this Scizophrenia or something, because many of my symptoms are similar, except for the hallucinations and hearing voices (I even question that sometimes if I hear something, and when I am afraid of this, I listen to music). Sometimes I wonder if I am just making all of this up, or if it is really something I am going through.

 I was also wondering if caffeine or nicotine can make anxiety this severe. I smoke cigarettes and drink a lot of coffee, but I am strongly considering quitting both.

Hi anxious and welcome.

I read through some of your last thread...and it looks like you are in the process of finding a new doctor and/or therapist? (and for good reason!)

When you do, I would recommend discussing your anxiety issues and inquire about treatment for anxiety and possible OCD tendencies.

I certainly can't say for sure that this is what you are dealing with...only a mental health specialist is qualified to do so, but many of the things in your post would point in the OCD direction.

It is within the anxiety spectrum, so many individuals who deal with anxiety also deal with OCD...especially when their stress levels are very high.

There is treament to help you to cope/reduce the intrusive thoughts, the checking and the overall anxiety that feeds into these symptoms, so I encourage you to seek help so that you can start recovery and feel better!

I wish you the best. Please keep posting and allow us to support you during this time.:)

Scaredy Cat

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I think my symptoms might be related to OCD or GAD.

It's important to remember that the symptoms of many anxiety related disorders and mental illnesses overlap. So, if you have one, you may have some of the symptoms of another. For example, some of the symptoms of OCD overlap some of the symptoms of schizophrenia. So, just because you have some, or even a lot of, the symptoms of schizophrenia does not mean that you have schizophrenia. Only a trained mental health professional can weigh your various symptoms and determine what it is that is affecting you. No matter your diagnosis, though, there are treatments and ways to manage your symptoms. Please remember that.

The question of schizophrenia has been raised in my treatment. However, I have some symptoms that you do not have - I "do" sometimes believe I hear voices telling me to do certain things or asking me for help with certain things. I do even act on the requests of those voices sometimes. (Pretty scary sounding, I know, but they're benign - it's ALWAYS about helping someone.) I also do sometimes see things that are not there or hallucinate. Last night, I "watched" a spider crawling all around on the ceiling. I mean, I was keeping up with his pace and judging where he was in relation to me and my husband. (I can't kill things, so as long as I didn't believe the spider was going to fall on my husband, I wouldn't take any action.) Eventually, I decided he was over my husband's head and woke hubby up. We turned on the lights - it was a spot of paint on the ceiling. No way it was moving. I also experience "magical thinking" - in the idea that I can unintentionally cause harm to other people with my thoughts or words. Like, physical harm. For example, if I say that someone died and that's incorrect, they may really die because I said it. Those are the symptoms that have been discussed which raised the question of schizophrenia.

The symptoms you're discussing are the type of things that led my doctor to diagnose me with OCD. Keep in mind, I'm not saying that is what you're suffering from. I don't know. However, maybe this will provide some reinforcement that the symptoms can relate to multiple disorders, so please don't assume you have the one that scares you the most.

I have some really, really disturbing intrusive thoughts. Ones that I'm very ashamed of. Things I thought that no other person could possibly think. (I don't want to give an example for fear of triggering you.) Guess what? I described some of these in detail to my therapist and she didn't blink an eye. She's helping me process some of them and learn to cope, but she says that a lot of people deal with those intrusive thoughts. They don't make you evil. In fact, she said that sometimes we have intrusive thoughts about the things that scare us the most. If they're things you fear, then you're not "inviting" those thoughts. They aren't there because you're bad. In fact, I think of "intrusive" thoughts as "unwelcome/uninvited" thoughts.

Please don't try to make yourself feel even worse about these thoughts than you naturally do. There is no requirement for a requisite amount of guilt. Guilt can become debilitating - it's one of the things that has propelled me to this point in my life. Try to talk to a therapist about how to properly process these thoughts, please.

Checking is a big part of OCD, too. (Again, not saying that's what you have.) I check everything, repeatedly. I have driven 26 miles back to my office to make sure the door was locked - more than once - on the same night. I also sometimes get other people to "check" for me, because I'm not sure I checked well enough. Like, calling my husband while he's home on lunch to make sure that I turned off the coffee pot. If I don't "check" thoroughly my mind fills with all of these horrible scenarios of things that may be happening because of my carelessness.

I also question whether what I'm saying is true, all the time. As far as other people - BIG time. I'm a reporter so I try to tell myself that I'm supposed to be a bit of a "human lie detector," but I know that isn't normal thinking. I sometimes ask other people if I'm telling the truth. For example, if I'm telling a story about something that happened, I'll ask others involved, "That IS right, isn't it?"

All of these things are symptoms that were discussed before my OCD diagnosis. Like I said, the question of schizophrenia wasn't raised until the voices/hallucinations/magical thinking stuff came up.

Please try to resist diagnosing yourself and find a professional who can diagnose you properly. When you get your diagnosis - no matter WHAT it is - we're here for you, friend.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs!