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first time Cash family reunion, I cant go

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Posted 7/22/2013 5:31 AM (GMT 0)
My mothers family, which is huge, are have a first family reunion. People are coming from all over the US for a huge 3 day event. I cannot go. I will not go. It is just too darn stressful and I wont put myself thru it.

My family does not understand, when it gets really down to it they really dont understand. They say things like, everyone is going to be asking about you and they all love you and will miss you. You are always the life of the party. I am NO LONGER THE LIFE OF THE PARTY. I am sick, and that covers a huge circus of ailments. If you really love me, then leave me alone. STop asking. I am not going.

My husband is plssed because he says; You will be sorry if you dont go. People wont understand. You are going to hurt your mother. Why in the world would you not want to go? I just cant go. I cant. Leave me alone. Tell people I am sick, which is the truth. Please stop asking. Why would you do this. You dont look sick. That is the conversation that will happen every day until friday. Then when I dont go the conversations turns around: you should be so sorry for not being there. It was a great time.

Well, I will make it thru this and I will NOT go. I CANT GO, leave me alone. I am a 62 year old woman with numerous medical problems. THE END
Thanks for listening.........hugs Cathy
Posted 7/22/2013 5:37 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry, friend.

Even if no one in your daily life understand, those of us here do.

Hugs!
Posted 7/22/2013 12:01 PM (GMT 0)
Cathy,

You said it all...just stick to it.  You cannot go to the family reunion because you are not well...period.  I'm sure your family loves you and will miss you, but they will get over it and soon there will be something new to talk about.

Tell your husband that you aren't going to be sorry that you didn't go...you would only be sorry if you did go.  Sometimes we have to think about ourselves and what's best for us even if what we choose to do will hurt someone's feelilngs.  We can only do what we know is best for us and tell those whom we love that we're sorry but that's the way it has to be. 

I'm sending well wishes your way and stay strong in doing what you know is right for you.  Joni

Posted 7/22/2013 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
Cathy,

Believe it or not, but I am going through the same thing right now myself. The background is a little different because it's my stepmother I am supposed to be visiting this summer, but the same deal about them making me feel guilty, etc., etc. It's 600 miles away....just one direction. (I forced myself to go when my wonderful father was alive, but he passed 18 months ago).

I simply cannot do it. My anxiety is off the charts, plus I have OCD and fear of germs to make things worse. My husband and I just went this weekend to visit my son 3 hours away and stayed one night, and I could hardly function between the panic attacks and fear in general (eating out, etc.) I could barely do it for my beloved son, so for stepmother I think it's not going to happen.

No one understands this horrid anxiety puzzle, and it makes life beyond difficult. I will be following your post to see what you do!
Posted 7/22/2013 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
Cathy,

I have been right where you are but it was a family wedding.  You have the right to say no.  This is your life and social anxiety is a legitimate reason to put yourself first and just say no after all you were not put here on this earth for the purpose of making other people happy when your not feeling well.

I missed a really "big wedding" a few years ago second degree to a major depressive/ anxiety episode I was going through. I suspect I was criticized but my hubby supported me 100% as did my adult children. 

You have to decide what your highest priorities are ( in this case, your well being) and have the courage - pleasantly, smilingly, unapologetically - to say 'no' to other things.  And the way to do that is by having a bigger 'yes' burning inside.

No guilt for putting yourself first - you rock.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 7/22/2013 5:01 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so very much for your support. I cannot tell you what you all mean to me. I will not put myself out for this. I am going to tell my mother and sister that I cannot manage my anxiety under those circumstancres.

I am also dealing with possibly going to Arizona with them and stay 2 or3 weeks and my hubby will come out to pick me up and he and I can have a vacation together. One of my biggest fears is being in a car where I am not driving. its the only way I feel safe, so that is a big issue too. My reason are my great niece and nephew who are like my grandkids. I was their grandmother for 5 years and I miss them so month. It has been 4 years since I saw them, so, they are my sole reason.

I got the OK this past saturday to see my grandchild when they got home from hosp.....I have not seen him since. My son says he will call when its convenient for them. As long as they push me away I will stop calling to see if I can come for a short visit.

People dont get it about people like me. When we shut down our feeling thats what we do. I am close to that. My mother is here in Texas and she wants to see him and have pictures with him and hold him in her arms. She is 82 and may never see him again. This situation just breaks my heart. Hopefully it will work itself out. 'That is a big part of my decision to travel to Ariz. with them. My mom sold her home and left Texas to live with my sister. I love my mother and spending time with her is important.

Got to stop and fix hubbys lunch....be back later friends....hugs Cathy
Posted 7/24/2013 12:58 PM (GMT 0)
I hope that you are able to see that baby boy soon! Family is hard - it is where our deepest connections and our deepest pain seem to all be put together. I just wanted to commend you for knowing what your needs are and being able to share them in a respectful but firm way. May today be a day of hope for you.
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