Posted 8/21/2013 9:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hello. This is maybe the first time I write in a forum like this one, but I really need to talk with people, who UNDERSTAND me, as no one around does. I am 29, good-looking, intelligent and tender soul, but...
In 2007 I was diagnosed with Generalized anxiety disorder with mild depression after almost an year living in constant and increasing fear, sadness, apathy etc. I was living with my parents at that time and they were really supportive. When I realized there was something really wrong, I started looking for help and I found a wonderful doctor, who prescribed me meds and talked with me every week or two. (I have to point out that at first I tried looking for a psychologist, but I live in Bulgaria and I guess it is too hard to find a good professional here, at least I couldn't. I saw 3 psychologists, but all they did was have a small talk with me about my relationships, my everyday life, and didn't give my any help or advice.)
After 2 years, I was off the meds and I was feeling great, living happily, loving my job, etc. There were a couple of times when stressful situations made me feel anxiety more than it is normal for healthy people, but I got rid of the causes, and the things got normal again.
I found a great guy and we've been together for about 4 years, 2 of them living together. He loves me so much and is very steady and caring. He has two kids from his previous marriage and they visit us every other day - I don't have problem with this, because I love kids.
But since we live together, sometimes I have anxiety attacks - for no obvious reasons. For example, there was one period, when I was obsessing over the thought that he's cheating on me, for the most irrational facts. When I feel anxiety, I shut myself in and I just cry and he doesn't understand. He doesn't like discussing emotions and we rarely talk about this. I suppose he thinks I am over-dramatic. He knows my history with anxiety, but I don't think he gets it, although I've explained it to him many times.
Now we have adopted a homeless kitten - I cried over her, because there was no one else to take her. He said he was okay with that, so we did. But we have also two budgies and we live in a small apartment, so now I have to make sure the animals are never alone in the same room. We sleep with the budgies and early in the morning I switch them with the kitten, because she wants to come in the bedroom. She is a very nice kitten, she just wants to play - I understand that and I like her very much. But since we brought her home, I feel growing anxiety and depression - I cry, I cannot concentrate on my work... I tried to explain the things that worry me, but he only said "Well with a cat and budgies, the trouble was expected". I know that in time I can teach the kitten to leave the budgies alone, because I did so with my older cat, who lives with my parents. But it will take time.
I really don't know what to do. I am afraid that this is too much of a change for me and our life together, and I don't know how to cope with it. On the other hand, he doesn't tell me how he feels about this change and about my problems. This makes me feel even worse. I don't know how to make him talk, I don't know if we should try to find another home for the kitten or this is only in my head and I should try to deal with the situation and my problems. I just feel so alone and hopeless about such a trivial situation, it is so stupid. I even start to think he will leave me - either because of the trouble with the kitten, or because I am an emotional wreck, or because I am an annoying don't-know-what-she-wants person.
I really hope I will find understanding and help here.