Feeling sick almost constantly.

When did you last have a complete check up? blood and everything?

Larry ***

I ended up in the ER three months ago because of anxiety and they took blood. I have no idea what they actually tested me for but I guess everything was normal :/
I'm scared to go to the doctor. I'm worried they'll find something, i'm also worried they won't, which is just weird. I also hate the anxiety I get waiting days for the results :( I also get anxiety when I do nothing though, so I need to just suck it up. I really wish I would have done it sooner so I wouldn't have to wait three more days. Its just three more days of worrying for me.

I just keep obsessing over this, I can't stop. Its just making everything worse.. I can usually tell the difference between anxiety and reality but everything is all blured now. I feel like i'm heading for a breakdown and i'm scared.

I relate to this only too well. I spent MANY years in this same cycle and I learned it from my paternal Grandmother. Same thing,....felt something was "wrong" but afraid to go to the doctor because I rationalized "if they find something wrong it confirms I'm really sick and have a problem and my imagination would go into overdrive wondering what the diagnosis and treatment would mean!" And then there was, "If they DON'T find anything wrong, it MUST mean they missed it, and it's some rare condition few doctors know about and then I'll REALLY have something catastrophic wrong, and suffer in silence with no treatment!"

So I rationalized to myself that by "doing nothing" that it was self-serving because if I just stuck my head in the sand, "it" would go away or not get worse or....if there truly was nothing physical wrong,...it was in my head and I was too embarrassed to have to face that!

Oh my dear, my dear,....this is sooooo common, I'm willing to bet most of us have dealt with this at various points. Good news is: I no longer suffer from those all-consuming fears. Meaning: You'll get through this.



Sookie

Thanks everyone. I agree SC, it is reassuring to know I'm not the only one who goes through this!
I'm feeling a little better today, still sensitive and fragile... but better.
I took the time to really think about why I would be feeling so low and anxious lately. I realized how unbelievably stressed I've been, I've been dealing with too much at work and not sticking up for myself. That's the main issue. Adding on all the other little things just compounds the problem, and for me, it gets out of control pretty fast. I'm just a really sensitive person.

Anyway, I don't know how to stick up for myself at work.. I'm afraid of conflict, but things can not go on like this! :(

Also, I got tickets months ago for this video game convention (PAX if anyone knows of it) and I went on Friday. Its in the heart of Seattle and the crowds and traffic were just unbelievable. There were a lot of things that were way out of my comfort zone (crowds, traffic, incomplete knowledge of the area...). It was scheduled on the same weekend as a huge music festival, and for anyone that doesn't know, people come from all over the U.S. (and maybe other places) just for PAX.. so those two things combined makes Seattle a really crazy place right now. I have tickets for tomorrow too, but I'm so nervous about it! At least I know what to expect this time, right? :( I really want to have a good time, I love video games, but with all those factors working against me.. I don't know how to deal with it.

Sorry. I just had to vent about that too.