what to do?

I'm a 31 year old man. I have agoraphobia and social phobia that have both been getting steadily worse for years. The underlying problem is PTSD from child abuse, and it's being made worse by a generally stressful living situation.

I'm really, really tired of not being to do normal stuff (have friends, date, go to the grocery store, etc.) For instance: Today I was supposed to play in a rugby match. I drove to the pitch, got dressed, warmed up, then had a panic attack I couldn't get under control, so I had to go home. Today was actually a really, really GOOD day- I was able to leave my apartment, get all the way to the pitch, and be there for like an hour before I freaked.

I'm also having trouble working. I've had to quit one job and turn down another because they involve hour long commutes. Right now I'm lucky that I have a gig where I work from home, but that's ending in May, and I'm terrified of what's going to happen after.

I can't do therapy. Talking about my problems triggers extreme anxiety, and usually leads to an instance of self-harm (threatened or actual.) This isn't just a problem for me, but for my therapists (I've gone through four.) Once I have one instance of self-harm, they're effectively neutered- they don't push me at all for fear of triggering a bad reaction. I suspect that at some level I'm doing this on purpose, because I really, really don't want to talk about my problems.

I've been on several SSRIs, without any real reaction- they tend to just make me feel wired, like I've had one too many cups of coffee. I currently have a prescription for Clonipin, which I'm supposed to take before events that tend to make me anxious. However, I've found that Clonipin makes me dangerously sleepy, so that I can't drive, which makes it useless.

My world keeps getting smaller. Ten years ago I had a normalish life- I wasn't the most social person, but I had friends, a girlfriend, etc. I no longer have any friends, I haven't had a girlfriend in eight years and haven't even attempted to go on a date in three. All I do is work and (when I can manage it) play rugby. This simply can't go on.

So, I guess I'm wondering, what am I supposed to do?

Hi Cid,

Sorry your feeling so low.

I too tried many different Doctors and tried many different Med's

You say you have no friends, can you not talk to a close family member? A Brother,Sister, or close cousin?
It worked for me. I found Doctors and Psychologists o.k but they made me anxious too, I think it's the 'formal' atmosphere and the waiting around, especially if your waiting in a crowded reception area.

I to was sick of feeling like a 'Zombie' taking all those med's too, I just use herbal remedies these days and try to meditate and have 'quiet time' alone when I can.

You may have no friends where you live at the moment but you certainly have many here!

Stay strong my friend, give it time, you''ll find a way as I did. Contact me ANYTIME you want to chat o.k.

All the best
Gian.

Hello CM and welcome.

I am really sorry to hear of your anxiety issues, past trauma and the continued struggle that it has caused you presently.

I would encourage you to keep seeking things that could help you to find healing and recovery. If traditional talk therapy is not tolerable, then perhaps researching some of the other methods for dealing with past trauma could be a good move. CBT/DBT, hypnosis and EMDR are some other options that might help you as it has others dealing with PTSD.

Self-help is another option. We have excellent Resources here on our main page. (1st post) You could pick up some new coping skills...we have video links for breathing/stopping and attack, PMR (progressive muscle relaxation) and meditation that could prove usedful. There are also book recommendations, informative articles and more.

Keep talking with us as well. We understand what it is to deal with anxiety and panic and we care. Support is a key factor in recovery.

Glad that you have made this bold step to reach out...well done.

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat