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Suffer with "health anxiety" gad, panic attacks, and depression

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 9/14/2013 2:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi,


I first got depression and anxiety when I was 13 yrs. old shortly after i watched my grandma die from cancer but I was too afraid to tell my parents because I didn't know what was going on with me. That resulted in me having to go to st. Jude's behavioral health center.i stayed there about a week got put on respiridone and deprocote for about 8 months and then everything was good. Well now it's been seven years and I am now 20 yrs. old and my anxiety and depression is back with a vengeance. I have always been really healthy with zero medical problems but early january I got an std (cureable one) and boom, the health anxiety kicked in and is controlling my life!! I worry that I have every medical problem known to man! I've convinced myself that i have AIDS/HIV, breast cancer, PID, brain problems, skin cancer, or silly things like I'm going to get the flu or a cold and die. I have been to the emergency about 6 times this year and have had tons of tests and everything is fine. Of coarse I never believe the doctors. My heart sometimes feels like it can't beat much longer or opposite, it starts racing right as I start drifting to sleep and startles me awake again. I'm just flat out scared about dying and I can't control it and it's scary and embarrassing!!! I have a beautiful 3 yr. old boy that I love so much and I hate it when he sees me crying and just says "it's ok mama" and kisses me:( it breaks my heart and I want to get better for him and myself. I'm tired of anticipating my death. I was on cymbalta 30mg and it started working for me but I stopped myself a few months back because I'm even scared that these medications will either not work or make me have like serintonin or neuropathic syndrome or something... My caregiver put me back on it yesterday and I already feel so much worse...i don't know if i just need to get used to it again or if it's just my mind telling me I'm worse because of the cymbalta. Somebody please help me. Please. My parents planned a Disneyland trip for my son and I and I'm so bad that I'm even scared to go to Disneyland because I might get some crazy illness or something. It sucks.
Posted 9/14/2013 2:12 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, and welcome!

You're not alone. I would avoid taking car rides to the beach because we'd have to sit in traffic for hours and I was convinced I would get a heart attack and the ambulance could never arrive and get me to a hospital in time. (This was before cell phones, too).

I used to get migraines and was convinced it was an undiagnosed brain tumor, even after MRI's.

Of course I ran the gamut of echos, and stress tests and numerous EKG's....convinced, almost determined, I had heart problems because my heart would beat so hard (and still does at times) that you can actually see my shirt moving with each beat, my body bopping up and down rhythmically.

I saw a special on TV about a mother and daughter who at the same time noticed they were having leg pains walking up hills,...and it turned out to be Leukemia. So of course, I started to focus on having leg pains walking up hills.

Oh dear, the list goes on....the specialists,...the ER visits,...and so many things, especially looking back, that I avoided BECAUSE of fear that something would happen. I missed out on a lot of things because I let that fear of "what if" be in the driver's seat.



Merrida
Posted 9/14/2013 2:13 AM (GMT 0)
WorryWart,

First off welcome to the site. I myself have , " Health Anxiety". I know the feeling of having every bump, pain, dizzy spell either be a brain tumor heart attack or some other disease that I have seen in the past.

As with most psych medications, they require a build up period to really know if they are going to be effective or not. In my expierence if the medication was working before, more then likely it will work again. You just have to give it time.

What other therapies are you using?Do you practice any deep breathing exercise or CBT at all? The thing I find that works best for me when my mond starts to race is to take a couple deep breaths and either out loud or in my head yell STOP! It kind of does a shock and awe on my my thought pattern, gives me a few moments to do rational thinking with out the thoughts rolling thru my head.

I too have 2 little girls at home and i remember them seeing me getting wheeled into an ambulance because I was having a severe panic attack and didn't know how to stop it. It broke my heart. Thats the reason I told myself I am going to do whatever I need to do to get myself well, and it seems you are on the right track. Like every other great thing in life, it takes a little time.

I hope this helps a little. I know I have only been dealing with my anxiety for 4 months and this website is the best thing I could have ever found. I am sure you will find great advice here as well.
Posted 9/14/2013 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Merrida,


Good to know I am not alone. Tonight is the first night ive found that I am not the only one with these issues and talking with someone that has been through it and that understands is very comforting as well. Thank you for your advice!
Posted 9/14/2013 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
Mursechris,

I really should just give the cymbalta a chance. I also see a counselor once every two weeks and I have a strong support system as well. I do breathing excersices and I get out quite a bit. All these do help me pretty well. I think I just psych myself out with the medication stuff. Reading the side effects paper that comes with the bottle doesn't help so much either . I'm trying to take life one day at a time right now. I sometimes feel like all I do is "wake up, survive, go to sleep," but I hope I can get better soon. And I hope you do too! Thank you!
Posted 9/14/2013 3:38 AM (GMT 0)
Hi. I have very similar anxiety/depression issues. One time years ago I convinced myself that I had HIV, for no reason at all. I was very afraid at first, and then eventually I just tried to avoid thinking about it, but after a couple years I hadn't stopped thinking about it off and on so I just got tested for it, and I didn't have it- it was just something I made up. I still have really bad health anxiety over other things- breathing issues, for example, and also have a fear of dying at times, though. I think the best thing you can do if you are afraid that you have a health condition besides anxiety is to ask your doctor if you can get tested for it, and then you will know for sure. Not knowing and being afraid is very scary to go through. I hope things get better for you.
Posted 9/14/2013 4:52 AM (GMT 0)
Megan,

I'm planning on getting another test this coming up Monday. This will be my 3rd test and will most likely be negative but I'll still be more nervous than ever. thank you very much and I hope things get better for you as well.
Posted 9/14/2013 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
W.W.,

Have you had a chance to look through our Resources yet? We have some amazing self-help options that are excellect choices to start your anxiety management with!

You will find links, video, informative articles, on-line therapy and more. One thing that I think you should really check out however are the health anxiety book recommendations! They could help you tremendously in understanding this issue, and getting the help that you need.

Consulting you doctor for a therapy referral is another step that you may find you want to do, as M.C. mentioned!

Keep posting with us as well. Support is key to recovery.:)

S.C.
Posted 9/14/2013 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you soo much!! I will surely check these books out
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