Hello,
Ive never posted here before but I have read 100s of threads on this monster (anxiety/panic)
Heres the deal, im 34 Male and 7.5 out of 10 in regard to health. I run daily 3 miles and some weight training. I drink on weekends and eating habits are prob a 4-5 out of 10. I take small doses of Buspar/Zoloft and Toprol. My first attack happened in 2008 when I was 29. Watching football on a sunday and boom. Felt like I was dying/going to pass out was near unable to walk to my vehicle in which my wife was going to take me to the ER. EKG/stress tests and 10 hours later....everything is fine and go home. Maybe anxiety I was told. My doc put me on the Toprol to help prevent any random heart palps here and there which could lead to panic. Buspar and Zoloft of course for the anxiety, very low doses.
Here I am nearly 6 years later and have become obsessed with my heart, my body my brain etc. I checl my BP daily, I purchased an SP02 oxygen reader and recently an at home EKG monitor. (***) is wrong with me. ANy lit change in my body, thoughts etc grinds me into an anxiety attack. Since my first attack, I have been to the ER 3 other times for all the standard testst, then had a nuclear done 2 years ago and then again another standard treadmill test, in which I scored as healthy and high as you can get. You would think im calm cool and collect right? WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! I worry nearly every minute of the day unless my mind is busy and truly involved with something I enjoy. This is rare, but it happens. A couple days per week I have "great days" in which my anxiety doesn't effect my day and I thank the Lord up and down for allowing these moments to be enjoyed. Then there are days I would rather not even wake up. No im not suicidal, I love my life on paper. I have a beautiful wife, 2 healthy young boys, I own a very successful business. Very few bills, great family and a great close group of friends. Yet, I suffer from something that eats my life away. It literally forces me to make changes according to my feelings. I always want to stay close enough to home....just in case. IN CASE OF WHAT??? I used to be a funny, class clown kind of guy that people loved to be around. Now unless I have a few drinks in me, I don't want to even talk to p[eople. Fear of something weird happening. Sometimes I get a little dizzy and or nassaus, which im sure is from meds. Sometimes I feel short of breath or like I cant get a deep yawn breath, but all my vitals are always good. Sometimes I wonder if I would be best to just drop my meds and start from scratch. I use to LOVE my life, now I fear it. I used to be strong, now im scared. I used to relish a new challenge, now I run from them. Im currently in week 9 of my EMDR Therapy and have been enjoying so far. Any suggestions , any help would be beyond appreciated. Im trying to fix these thoughts of mine. Thank you