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Start new job tonight, scared of having a panic attack and having to leave!

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Posted 12/7/2013 3:53 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning everyone! I have to say I woke up anxious this morning as always , took my benzo , and still feel anxious. I'm beyond frustrated with this feeling way anymore! Have been for a long long time. Just irritated and annoyed as to why someone as young and healthy as I am was oh so "blessed" to have to live this way forever , as so it feels! I was at my previous job for almost 6 years, so they knew about my anxiety issues and there were even a few people I was close to that I could talk to about it and help me through it when I would have attacks. My managers even understood the fact that I couldn't stay there when I would have the attacks so then Id leave, until it became too often and I went on a Leave of Absence. When I was due to go back I never did, fearing the panic attacks and feeling stuck there so I never went back. Since Im a full time student and a mother of two, I could use the money of a part time job again since my grants and financial aid are becoming not enough to live off of. I am scheduled to start my new job tonight and I'm nervous, not about starting a new job, but fearing the anxiety will act up and I don't know what I will do since my coping skills such as breathing and those kind of calming techniques seem to not work very well for me, sometimes they may even bring on the heart palps because I'm concentrating on it so much? I feel the safest at home because I am in control of what I can do when I'm panicking, as opposed to a job you have to do only what you are being told to do and stay where you are put, and if you don't, they are going to wonder what you are doing and may feel you're slacking off. My boyfriend of 10 years also gets frustrated with me panicking 20 times everyday, but 90% of the time comforts me and talks me through it. He works 7 days a week so I am learning to deal on my own recently, but it can be very scary! As far as my new job, I feel as if I'm not going to be able to perform my job duties as well as I should because of this. I truly feel that it's been very debilitating for me within the past 2-3 years after I had my second daughter. I remember getting pregnant with her and at that time I was feeling really good before and during my pregnancy, I just want to feel good again and that's what brings me to being soo depressed. I just want to feel GOOD! I know I'm told to take one day at a time, but it seems that I get so upset because I can predict how I am going to feel for the rest of my life and that's super anxiety ridden and depression filled, which I DO NOT want! Ugh. Thanks for listening since most of you know exactly how I feel, and I don't know a lot of people who do! Hope I can get through tonight!

Have a Blessed Day Everyone!

Lacey
Posted 12/7/2013 7:07 PM (GMT 0)
Lacy,

Getting through that anxiety period is horrible. If I can give you any advise, I'd say to hang in there and try to tolerate those terrible feelings. Do something special for yourself after a week, a month, etc...that you are there. Little rewards may help ease the anxiety.

It does get easier. It just doesn't seem so when you are in the middle of it happening. Try to keep telling yourself that YOU are in control. You can do anything you set your mind to. Remember, these people hired YOU because you were the best person for the job and they need you. Maybe  being needed helps with the anxiety. I guess it's  different for all of us,  but stick with it. We know your pain and we are here to support you.

Kindly,

Kitt

Posted 12/7/2013 7:23 PM (GMT 0)
Starting a new job is an anxious time anyway, so I think you're being very brave doing so whilst coping with anxiety and you should give yourself some credit for it.

I know where you're coming from when you say that your coping skills don't work very well, as I am in the same boat, I guess perserverance is the key.

Good luck for tonight, let us know how you get on :)
Posted 12/7/2013 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
I hope You will forgive my input, I'm a lot older than You and I have seen so much come and go in my life,
One thing I know is true, there is always Hope. I have one hard and fast rule!"Never Surrender", You are a
good Woman and Mother, seems to me you already have the I can do better mind set, I promise you will.
Lacy there are certain fears associated with PAD and the true answer is we must face them head on and
fight back, fear has no power except what we allow. Walk directly at your fear, when you get close it will
flee from you! Peace.

Larry ***
Posted 12/8/2013 5:09 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the replies , my new job went very well. Its very laid back and a calm environment, wasn't anxious one bit but still had the heart palps and jitteriness, I guess that'll just never go away! I just kind of wish I had a Dx or explanation as to why it does this to me because it makes me super upset. Maybe when my Xanax wears off it causes that to happen, I don't know. Just when I think Im doing good and feeling well I'll get a heart palp and itll cause me to panic just when Im not, and Im calm. Does anyone else get these out of nowhere even when they're NOT having anxiety? Seems to be when Im active or bending over n stand back up and out in the cold also. I don't know, the drs and cardiologists seem to just blow off my symptoms once I tell them I have anxiety / depression and that really does make me angry. Im wondering if when I go see the next cardiologist on the 12th, if I should even tell them that I have those illnesses or just leave them out so they'll actually take me seriously. What do you guys think? I need advice!! These are really becoming bothersome to me and even though Ive been told Im fine, I know my body and heart palps are NOT fine. Especially when they have woken me up from my sleep before feeling like someone punched me in the chest! I know Im not anxious while Im sleeping that's for sure, so it cant be why!??

Ugh. \\-:
Posted 12/8/2013 8:04 AM (GMT 0)
I would say to leave out the anxiety and depression part and see what the doctor says. Doctors seem to write everything off as anxiety when you tell them you have it! It's ridiculous. I know anxiety can cause a lot of symptoms, but not everything is caused by it. I've had doctors write something off as anxiety a couple times that was something else. The only way I got it diagnosed was to see a doctor who didn't know I had anxiety.

However, I do get palps out of no where when I'm not consciously anxious and then it sends me into a panic. I think what happens is you are so anxious and use to being anxious that lower levels don't bother you as much. But your body is still in a heightened sense of anxiety even though your conscious mind isn't and you get heart palps.
Posted 12/8/2013 8:09 AM (GMT 0)
Also, the whole heart palps and sleeping thing. TOTALLY GET THAT TOO! They're freaky! It's like you're gasping for air and your heart is pounding. Extremely scary. I think those fall under the same category as your body and unconscious mind being anxious even if you aren't entirely aware how bad it is.

I get those sleeping ones, mostly, in times of extreme stress from the day. It's almost like your body is still in fight or flight mode from the day and when it feels you're asleep it knows it's in more danger (instinct from when humans lived in caves haha) and your heart freaks out and wakes you up.
Posted 12/8/2013 8:54 AM (GMT 0)
I'm glad everything went well for you :)

I've had ecgs & blood tests and each time been told that there's nothing wrong and that I'm normal.

But I've been jolted out of my sleep by palps and they can come at me from seemingly out of the blue during the day when I'm feeling perfectly ok.

I don't have any answers, if anyone does please share:) I just try tell my self that there's nothing to worry about and I'll be fine, sometimes easier said than done I know.
Posted 12/8/2013 3:30 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you guys so much for the info. I'm glad I'm not the only one suffering from this. I wish we didn't have to though! Its not only bothersome, It's scary! I know the first cardiologist I went to said she could give me meds to stop them but didn't want to Risk any damage to my heart from long term use of them. I've alwAys had anxiety since I was 15, and the racing Heart thing, but these flutters n flip flop feelings only started about a yr maybe yr in a half ago. I keep blaming myself saying I caused these to happen from being so anxious and having attacks and I brought this upon mySelf because I feel I did! If they went away I honestly think I'd feel a lot better minus the jitteriness,atleast I wOuldn't be sent into panic mode as much as I am now! //-:
Posted 12/8/2013 5:12 PM (GMT 0)
I would definitely go see another doctor. Pain or tightness in your chest is a serious matter and I think its absurd for your DR to assume its just your anxiety or depression. Good luck and hang in there!
Posted 12/9/2013 1:51 AM (GMT 0)
LMA,

Congrats on your job! Great work on getting through your first night. It will just get better from here on.:)

I hope that you continue to enjoy it, and that your symptoms decrease as you continue to learn to manage your anxiety.

It can and will get better. I have dealt with palps since I was a teen as well, and they only rarely bother me now.:)

S.C.
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