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Feeling shut out/marriage confusion

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Posted 1/13/2014 6:57 PM (GMT 0)
--- most of post removed because I'm paranoid, haha ---

I'm pretty upset to be in this situation, considering that I've always tried to be my husband's biggest advocate when it came to his anxiety/panic.

Do any of you have trouble feeling shut out by/lonely in the company of your spouses/significant others? How do you overcome it? Or does anyone have any advice?


--- Thank you, S.C., I appreciate your understanding advice. :) ---

Post Edited (BeRock) : 1/13/2014 1:40:01 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/13/2014 7:42 PM (GMT 0)
BR,

Glad that you feel secure in posting what I know is a difficult and hurtful situation. Know that this is a safe place, and that we understand and feel for you.

Is there any reason why your husband may be acting in this seemingly uncaring way? I wonder if it is a lack of understanding...or ability to help that is causing this.

Yes, he has dealt with this himself, but that doesn't mean that he is equipped to help another person necessarily.

Is is possible that he thinks that you have not done enough to deal with the issues yourself? (although I don't think that is possible...just grasping for possibilities for his attitude)

I know that my sympathies reach a limit with my oldest daughter and her anxiety issues...simply because she does little to help herself in terms of using tools that she knows she should.

Are there other possible underlying issues that could be at the root of this?

I am wondering if counseling or talking to a mediator, such as your pastor, or an older/trusted couple for example could help?

I do believe that you need to be careful in your relationship with your friend. I may get a lot of contrary opinions on this subject...but I think that even platonic male/female relationships...especially when a marriage is having some issues...can be dangerous territory.

This is just my opinion...so do with it as you please, and I won't say any more than that.:)

I want to encourage you to keep the communication as open as possible. It sounds like you are...and I hope that he is responsive to that....as well as the idea of counseling, if that is what you decide is a good step to take as a couple.

My heart is full of compassion for you and this situation. I pray for a good resolution for you soon.

Comforting hugs,

S.C.
Posted 1/13/2014 8:53 PM (GMT 0)
As usual, I believe S.C. has shared some authentic wisdom.

(I read your original post, and just wanted to ^^echo^^ what S.C. had written re: the relationship. When things on the home front are volatile, we need to protect the things we prioritize).

Also as S.C. mentioned, sometimes people are good at helping others, but not themselves. And, some are the other way around,...they can take care of themselves but have a more difficult time when it comes to the role of providing support.

I know it's hard to remember, and to encorporate into our lives, but I've found it's helpful to remember that different people have different strengths, and sometimes it's a balancing act. Rarely do two people meet at the 50/50 point in each circumstance.

In my experience, there are times when my Husband gets frustrated when there's nothing he can physically "do" to bring about a noticeable change. He wants to "fix" things, and sometimes, that's not possible.

Communication is so important,...not just speaking and sharing your thoughts, but being there to listen, to provide that ear without interrupting trains of thought. I learned this, but it was difficult and took longer than it needed to.

Now I know, -- when Hubby's in the mood to communicate, I listen more and let him talk more, because I know that's a vulnerable place for him, and he's choosing this moment as a time that feels safe to share. Pulling back the reins on eagerness,....




M.
Posted 1/14/2014 3:53 AM (GMT 0)
Sorry Joy, Prayers

Larry ***
Posted 1/14/2014 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
BR,

Do you need me to edit/delete my response? Just let me know.

S.C.
Posted 1/14/2014 4:59 AM (GMT 0)
No, it's fine. :) Thank you guys for all of your advice.

Larry - *hugs*
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