Anxiety or not? Please help :(

I know it's long but please please I need help :( Hi my names Jenn and I am 18. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). My depression and anxiety have been well controlled since I was 13 (when I was diagnosed) until recently :( about 6 months ago I was walking around the mall near me with my mom. We had just finished eating at a restaurant. And my face became very flushed (red) and my mom asked if I was ok. I said yeah just hot. I felt very hot and very dizzy. We walked to the car sat down and I thought I was feeling better. I was wrong. about 5 minutes
After I was in the car texting when my right arm (only the right) went completely weak. I could lift my arm but my phone dropped and I was very weak. I suddenly felt like I was suffocating and couldn't breath. I went to the ER where they said I was fine (had EKG and blood tests) and should follow up with my doctor. Since then my symptoms have been out of control! Here are ALL my symptoms from over the past 6 months-
-Weakness in arms (started out as right side but now it's both, but only one at a time and it's random in comes and goes out of no where! I can even just be watching a kids movie and it happens. No stress or nothing)
-When trying to sleep at night right before I fall asleep I gasp for air and my heart pounds like I stopped breathing but I didn't. It also happens when I am already asleep
-Heart racing, I feel like it's going 5million miles per hour but I take my pulse and it's normal like 78bpm
-Hearing my heart beat in my ears, especially if I'm laying down
-Feet sweating like crazy
-Hot flushes, feeling hot then cold then got then cold...there's no happy medium.
-internal shaking (happens rarely but when it does it's bad!)
-legs feel heavy but weak!? Kind of like I have weights attached to my ankles and they make my legs shake.
-Lightheaded, I get very very dizzy and when I look around the room it looks like the walls are moving, it's scary and weird.
-Heavy breathing. Feeling like I NEED to take a deep breath.
-Random red flushed cheeks.
-Itchiness, it's random and one part of my body will be uncontrollably itchy then it stops just like that.
-Weird bumps/pimples!? Hey appear everywhere! And only one at a time, they are like tiny hives they itch like mad! Then 5-10 minutes after appearing they totally I mean totally disappear and stop itching like they were never there!?
-Feeling so incredibly sad like I'm "stuck" then feeling hopeful for like a second then back to sadness. (Not really like a bipolar feeling I don't know hard to explain)
-SCARED TO DEATH to eat. It sounds dumb but I can't eat. I look back at the time when my anxiety started to flare up again and it was at the mall. And I actually think it food. I have no allergies except to coconut. And after eating I feel severe internal shaking, dizziness, chest pain, and arm weakness. I lost 82lbs in 6 months. I don't have an eating disorder I WANT to eat so bad but am scared to :(
-Eye twitching???
-RLS, if I'm wearing shoes I feel I have to wiggle my toes. At night I wiggle my toes a lot and feel I have to move my legs.
-Feeling like I'm not 'here' like I'm in a dream
-Feeling like I'm moving when I'm completely still!? For example I might be standing upright and I feel as of the ground is moving below me like shaking or the ground 'level' is changing. Kind of like I'm going down stairs but it's a flat solid floor....also when I lay down at night I feel like I'm on a never ending boat.
-Obsessing over EVERYTHING that's different about me...for example...the other day I noticed my fingers slightly swelling I totally blew it out of proportion and felt like it was a serious medical issue and I was going to die.
-Hands and feet feel cold
-Fingers sometimes feel 'fat' like swollen. But not to the touch kind of like and inner feeling...sorry I know very confusing.
-Scared for example... One morning my mom and sister both had work, it's been like this for years but this morning I was PANICKING! I got so scared that they were leaving and I was alone and I was convinced something bad was gonna happen.
-Scared to eat certain foods thinking food is causing all this (looking back to when this all began right after I ate a the mall)
-Afraid to take medicine (I don't like medicine like I said...but recently I have and a legitimate FEAR or taking it like I was going to be allergic and die from it, or it will interact with another medicine)
-Feeling like I'm going to die that my symptoms are going to kill me
This is my very very long list of symptoms, now that said...I am very obsessed and worried I will die so I also went to the doctor with my symptoms and needless to say he was concerned. But as far as tests are concerned I'm ok. Here what I had done:
-3 EKG's all normal
-Every time I go to the doctor they say my blood pressure is 'perfect'
-EMG (nerve test - did show I had carpal tunnel in both hands....but everyone is getting diagnosed with that.... Other then that normal)
-MRI of brain (normal, ruled out MS)
-MRI of lower back (acute nerve damage in lower back and legs)
-MRI of neck (acute nerve damage in neck)
-MRI of spine (normal)
-EEG (Normal, ruled out seizure disorders)
-Blood tests for hormonal imbalance hypo/hyper thyroid, testosterone/progesterone (all normal)
-Blood tests for my heart (normal)
-Blood test for Lyme disease because I live in a wooded area (normal)
-Blood sugar test (normal)
-Blood test for anemia and iron deficiency (normal)
-Sleep Apnea (normal)
I'm sorry this is incredibly long but I'm at a loss :( I just want to be happy again and not feel 'sick' ALL THE TIME. I want my life back :( has anyone had a similar experience?? Also I'm on no medication I hate medicine but at this point if it is my depression and anxiety I am willing to try anything, it's getting to be to much :( also my symptoms NEVER totally disappear but sometimes and quiet down for a couple days then come right back. I recently spent time in NY with my Grammy and cousin and I had very minimal symptoms they were still there but MUCH better I was happy for once! I recently came back home and they are getting worse slowly. :( I'm so upset! I have hear SSRI's work well for depression AND anxiety. Is this true? I have been trying to do my best on my own... Running/jogging, watching tv, cooking but nothing's working it's getting out of control like I said I hate medicine but right. Now it's what I need. Anyone have a similar experience?? I'm sorry this post is so long but I appreciate very much those of you who read it and try to help!

Post Edited (Jenn95) : 1/28/2014 10:52:50 PM (GMT-7)

Hi jenn. My name is Jen too lol and though I'm older than you I've had pretty much 90% of your symptoms over the last few years. I just recently started going to therapy and taking an ssri. I hope you can find relief that many others can relate and you are not alone.

Take care

Yes, I would ask my doctor about a daily A/D med again, it does sound like you have been trying everything else. This may just be temporarily, until you get your feet under you again so to speak.

How do you feel about your therapist? Do you think that he/she has done all that they can to help you acheive recovery success? Have you gone through CBT or mindfullness techniques?

What helped me was a combination CBT, self-help and being a part of this supportive community. As far as the self-help goes, I used the Resources here as well as checking out every book (and purchasing a couple) in my library...and taking from each what I found helpful/applicable to me. I essentially designed my own self-help program.

So far, I have not used medication...but if things got to the point where I needed something beyond what my skills could help me with...you can be sure I would be talking to my doctor.:)

I do hope that you can have a good talk with your doctor, and come up with a plan to start feeling better again. There is hope, you just need to find what is going to work for you at this time.

Keep talking with us, and we will support you through the process!

S.C.

Jenn,

Good Morning - reading your posts remind me of myself.  I was dx in 1982 with anxiety and depression and saw my first therapist as well as started on medications.

I did really well for years with a few minor glitches along the way - we lost our 21 year old son to a car crash in 1990 and somehow I managed to get through with normal grieving.  However, in 2005 anxiety and depression took over big time and tossed me into a deep dark hole. In desperation I took early retirement from my dream job as I knew work was becoming more stressful and I was bringing work home.

Much like you, I would wake up with an overwhelming sense of dread and anxiety. I would lay there for hours, sometimes in a fetal position, crying. I would pull a sheet over my head. I would beg God to make the sadness and anxiety  go away.

I would ask you to  take time each day to do something just for yourself, something that would recharge your emotional and mental batteries.

When I do not feel well due to an illness - I find myself trying to cope with increased anxiety and depression. 

Sending you many warm hugs,

Kitt

 

Thank you both so much!
stkitt- I am deeply sorry for your loss that's something no mother should have to go through :( your incredibly strong for making it through that. And thanks so much for the kind words and support.

Scaredy Cat- thanks for that link I will be looking at it and trying it out. Like I said I'm going to my doctor tomorrow so I will see what he says. I really don't like him as a doctor he doesn't listen well and pushes you to of the office as fast as he can. But that's what my insurance covers he's the only doctor within a 30mile radius that's takes my insurance.
Thank you both so much again! (:

Jen -

You are SO not alone! I too have experienced most of the symptoms you mention and I too freak when they happen. Though I have always been a worrier (it runs in my family) my anxiety and panic disorder were not diagnosed until 2010.

I also did not want to take medication for it, but when I started I could not believe how much better (and normal) I felt. I have been on Mirtazapine (Remeron) for 2 years now. Don't get me wrong - I still have bad days but they are not as frequent or severe as before I started the meds.

I have horrible health anxiety so when anything is off or different with my body, it sends me in a downward spiral.

Hang in there! So many of us know what you are going through.

Ugh! Dizziness is awful! Luckily I only get waves of it. Lightheaded ness is a side effect of my meds so I just tell myself it's that. I get very panicky when I notice something. I used to hold it in (and obsessively google my symptoms - big no-no). But now I'll let my husband know if something doesn't feel right or look right and sometimes just his reassurance will help. He'll usually get me to agree that if this something is still bothering me a week later then I'll consider calling a doctor. Much of the time it will go away. My biggest health concern is my heart because I suffer from frequent palpitations.

I sometimes get the feeling like I'm not there. Almost like I black out for a split second. It happens when I'm walking a lot.

I will sometimes get waves of panicky feeling even when I am out. It happens sometimes when I am at dance rehearsal or out seeing a band. I just try to focus on what I'm doing and not necessarily what I feel at that moment.

Luckily for me I work at a small law firm and my boss knows about my anxiety. I can always take a "mental break" when I need to.

As far as the meds - the one I am on I felt relief within 1 week. I started at 15mg per day and now take 30mg. I actually tried to reduce it recently back to 15mg and my panic attacks came back within a few days. I immediately went back up to 30mg and have had no episodes. There are no nasty side effects except the zombie-like feeling for a couple hours in the morning. Oh and for the first month I was ravenous and craved sweets. I did gain a few pounds which was OK because I was losing weight anyway. It's great for sleep!

Hi Jen.... You are describing me to a tee!! Anxiety and Panic attacks are very real, and absolutely no fun! Mine started about 5 yrs ago, out of the blue, ugh!! I wasn't sure what was happening..but I knew I was dying...at least thats what my crazy brain was telling me! Countless trips to the ER, tests after tests..all normal...after sick of being like this, I had no choice but to give in to the fact of being on medication for it. As much as I hate the thought of being on meds, right now I do not have a choice...they are my friend. I am on Celexa for anxiety, and will take Xanax too, if need be. Remember you are not alone..we who deal with this, feel your pain! I love finding groups like this, to talk to others dealing with these same darn issues!! Good luck, I hope you start to feel better soon, I have :) ~Necey

Hello to everyone. I went to the doctor and he told me I have anxiety. My symptoms are tingleling in the arms and hands. My thighs to my feet burn and tingle. Some times my hands hurt. I do not have a appetite. I feel like there is something stuck in my throat. Hard to swallow i get the chills all the time. I am all ways tired. Have a hard time sleeping. I shake and tremble inside my body. Don't want to be alone sometimes chest hurts. Stomach aches. I can't relax when I do my symptoms gets worse. Does any one have these symptoms? If you do could you tell me witch ones? Thanks Misty.

Jenn,

I am so elated to meet someone that is just like me! I experience nearly all of your symptoms as well, and you are not alone. I will give you a brief overview of my story. My panic/anxiety began when I was a sophomore in college three years ago. I was obsessing about a recurrent upper respiratory infection and chronic cough. I had all of the necessary testing done, and there was nothing physiologically wrong with me. Soon after, I began seeing a counselor at the university as well as began on a prescription of prozac. It zoo was summer and I continued my summer. I was seeing a counselor on a weekly basis. I had doubts of going back to school in the fall, but I overcame them through various self-help methods and therapy. I continued through my junior and senior years pretty smoothly. I had occasional flare ups, but that is pretty normal. The anxiety definitely lead to depression symptoms for me. I saw my counselor on and off, and I haven't gone since the summer before senior year. I found and accepted that there were several factors leading me to be over-anxious. For one, I was a premedical student and a perfectionist. I am going to medical school this fall, hopefully. I also had a large course load that did not help the symptoms. I literally got every physical symptom in the book. A goal of mine was to get off of my prozac after graduating in May 2013. I had decided that I possessed the mental stability to do it, and another motivating factor was that I had gained a lot of weight. Before prozac I was very athletic and had a swimmer's body as I was a competitive swimmer. I think that prozac made me gain so much weight because it relieved my perfectionism and lead me to just "life my life" so to speak. It was definitely a great medicine for me, besides the weight gain. I decided to get off of my antidepressant in September 2013. My grandfather, whom I adored, passed away in October, and I was so proud at how I handled it. I was acting like a normal person should. I didn't really have any issues coming off of the prozac, but lately I have been feeling symptoms of anxiety/depression due to anticipatory anxiety about my future and life situation currently. I am considering going back to counseling and/or implementing my self-help mechanisms that I once learned. I can SOOOOO empathize with you. I know every single feeling that you are feeling. One good thing that came from stopping prozac was that I have lost several pounds of weight. I am back to a healthy weight and know that I can only get healthier. I know that you will get some relief. One thing that I have had to learn was patience and acceptance of my anxiety/depression. Although my symptoms seem to currently be haunting me, I hope I have provided you with a story that has some success in it. You do not have to make this your life. I know that the previous statement is more easily said than done, but we must and WILL get through this. There are several resources out there. Again, I know exactly what you are going through. Please feel free to comment me or contact me at any time. Sorry for the long post, I was just so moved by yours! Hang in there!

:)