Hello Kitt ........
I have read some of your replies before on one or two different forums - the latest one being the Depression forum a couple of weeks ago.
I wanted, if nothing else, to let you know you are not going thru this journey alone. Besides HW in general .... there are some of us going thru the same kind of journey. And we do understand!
And some of us are truly alone going thru this life-changing trip. For me - it's just me and my dog. I have two daughters, but they're not too involved with all that is going on here.
I was at two recent "Men's with Cancer" support groups - and three of them were at different stages of colon cancer. One of them did seemingly beat it and one of them (a stage 4) is likely going to be on a maintenance chemo for life. The third person - is a stage 3 who seems to be doing fairly well.
I do regularily go to a support group for Metastisized Cancer. There are 2-men and about 5-women in that group. All of us have had the cruel temptation of thinking that our cancer was beaten by a former treatment .... then 5 to 6-years later, we found that it was not only back, but it had spread - usually significantly. And of course, now it's not operable!
Please do not feel bad about your tendencies to want to isolate. It is so natural when you're facing something like your facing. I think sometimes it's actually necessary. I've gone to a psychologist who specializes in terminal illnesses .... but I've never thought to ask him about that! I do live alone - except for my dog ... so it is very natural for me to do that. Then, maybe that's why the support groups are so important to me.
I have written on the Prostate Cancer, Alzheimers, Kidney and Depression forums here. My Mother just passed away two weeks ago after over 3-year battle with Dementia. My Kidneys have been affected by the growth of the cancer and of course all of that has created some Depression - along with my Advanced Prostate Cancer.
For over two years, my right kidney has had a nefrostomy tube and my left kidney (nearly gone) has had an internal stent between the kidney and the bladder. Of course, it makes me feel like half of a human - but it's either that or the kidneys are gone!
For over 6-years I have also been battling COPD - the least of my three battles, but the meds are somewhat costly - Spiriva and Advair. The COPD is more like an inconvenience if your taking meds ... so no pity party there.
My battle with cancer sounds much like yours - even though they are different types of cancer. I am currently on my 4th type of chemo - one that was just approved last year. It is doing some good - but the side effects can get to be depressing.
I've been on two types of oral chemo in the past. They were really more like a type of hormonal therapy - and neither worked - except being very costly!!!
I still am on Lupron - a hormone therapy for close to 3-years ... then Xgeva monthly for my bone structure that the Prednisone tends to destroy - and prednisone for the past two years. Jevtana, the latest chemo .... just became a maintenance chemo for the next three months.
I have gotten catscans each of the past three months and a bonescan this past Fall. There are tons of things that can cause either depression or anxiety ... but you know that Kitt.
I try to keep a sense of humor - it helps. I often read posts from the Prostate Cancer Caregivers thread. There are women there that are absolute angels here on Earth. Reading their posts will sometimes make me feel better - because many of their husbands are doing much worse than me - so i feel lucky. And sometimes reading their posts get me into a crying spell my Lexapro cannot control - when I think of not having any support myself at home by a loved one! That brings me back to reality.
Kitt ..... try to feel a little comfort in the fact that you're not alone in this. Actually, I hope you're not alone at home. You need some good hugs from time to time.
I'll add my signature - more cancer stuff!!! And a cyber hug!
Rob & Gizmo