What's up with good and bad days?

Yesterday wasn't all that bad.  However in the evening, I got jittery.  Woke up the same way this morning and have been having it off and on all day.  Yesterday the pressure was almost gone in my head.  Today it's back.  The only change is the xanax.  It's a different generic brand I'm taking.  But I doubt if that's it.  I suppose I could ask at Walgreens if they can get the brand I was getting at Osco but it's a long shot that's the problem.  Someone told me this is just how it works.  Some days are just worse than others and you have to do your best to deal with them.  I think the saddest part of all of this is that there is no cure.  You can learn to cope and deal with it through meds, therapy and prayer, but it's always going to be a part of your life.  That's so discouraging.  And it just comes out of nowhere.  Somewhere in your mind something kicks in and the anxiety is off and running.  It's like I was trying not to think about it and it was all I could think about.  Like when someone tells you not to think about a purple monkey on a skateboard.  That's all you can suddenly think about!  Anyway, tonight  I was at the mall with a friend and I wasn't feeling too bad - just a little anxious.  Then all of a sudden the pressure in my forehead started and anxiety starting setting in.  Luckily she's one of the people who knows about my condition as she suffers with it too and talked me through it.  I'm lucky to have her in my life.  And even more lucky she wasn't having an anxiety moment herself.  Wouldn't that have been something???!!!!  I guess I have to remember what my doctor said.  Dealing with and learning to cope with anxiety is a process, not an event.  It takes time and I lack patience.  I want to feel better now.  I want to be happy like all of the people I see on the street.  It's just not fair.  But life isn't fair and things could be worse.  So far I'm functioning.  I'm going to work, shopping, working out at the gym, etc.  I should be happy that I'm still able to do those things.  So many people are much worse off.  Probably more people than I know!!!  Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent on a Saturday night.  It felt good to get this out!  Have a great evening.  And thank you all again for your support and encouragement.

Sometimes, when I think about the use of the word "cure," I find metaphors.

Why can't there be a "cure" for dental decay so we don't lose our teeth? Well, there is a way to increase our favour, but it means attention must be paid daily to our oral hygiene, not just rely on the twice/yearly visit to the oral hygeinist for two annual teeth cleanings,....we need to be on a self-maintenance program of taking care of ourselves.

Why can't there be a "cure" for having indigestion? Well, there is a way to increase our favour, but it means we have to be willing to make a choice to avoid foods that are triggers, and perhaps take medication to keep it in check so we can take care of ourselves.

Why can't there be a "cure" to some forms of lethargy and obesity? Well, there is a way to increase our favour, but it means we have to want to eat healthful foods and exercise daily,--want it more than we want the donuts and drive-thru.

(I emphasize "some" forms because there are diseases out there that affect this result that truly are beyond our self control, and I do not want to generalize).



So when I think: Why can't there be a "cure" for anxiety? Well,...there is a way to increase our favour, but it does involve doing things, sometimes several things, that aren't always comfortable. Sometimes the things that aid in our managing our anxiety to level off those peaks and valleys involve things like medication, and/or therapy, and/or exercise, and/or yoga, and/or meditation, and/or CBT, and/or setting time aside daily for our "maintenance routine" in practicing our breathing and coping skills.

If we expect something magical to take away a feeling that is natural, (albeit heightened in so many of us here), we'll get ourselves more frustrated and more anxious.

We are all a being in the process. This is not the end of our road. We are always in a position to try at least one new thing if we want to saddle up and ride this anxiety monster instead of letting it ride us.




M.