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Really loosing it!

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Posted 2/28/2014 6:38 PM (GMT 0)
First I want to say, sorry I know I haven't been on here lately. I'm just really loosing it. I was doing 'ok' for the past month. Not great but was hanging on and managing. Now I'm doing awful. I was trying to make it without medicine. I was trying deep breathing and 'self help' techniques (website that Scaredy Cat posted). And I was doing ok. Now I'm not. I can't even get out of bed without feeling dizzy and weak. And I have been feeling sheer panic, really badly. I will be fine, cleaning, watching tv, just relaxing and I feel panic. Sometimes it builds up and I stop it, but sometimes I wish the panic attack would just happen to get it over with. Question, does anyone ever feel actual weakness from anxiety? Like I will be find doing something then my arms (not usually legs but sometimes legs) will go totally weak. (And it's weird) they will be so weak I can't even lift my phone and (weird part) my fingers spread apart and then I panic. I have gotten my BP checked so it's not that. And I have had this headache for 3 days! It's like in the front of my head and it just feels like a bad tightness. I feel dizzy 24/7. And has anyone ever had the feeling if your heart beating in your throat or it feels like it's beating so slow it will stop? It's making me is depressed!y anxiety is stoping me from enjoying anything! And it's made me think about death a lot lately. (I *don't* have a plan, and I'm *not* feeling like doing it) it's just I feel like, why should I live life like this, this ain't living it's suffering. And I know all of you on this 'anxiety' thread understand so I know I'm not the only one. It's just I want to enjoy life and I'm not at all, I'm just loosing it. 😟
Posted 2/28/2014 7:16 PM (GMT 0)
Guess I will go back to bed 😞
Posted 2/28/2014 7:25 PM (GMT 0)
no, I haven't been on meds for about 6 months. And my family are fed up with me saying 'I don't feel good' or me being a hypochondriact. I can't control this, I don't want to feel this way, and they don't get that 😩
Posted 2/28/2014 7:39 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn,

I am sorry that you are having a setback.;( This can be especially dissapointing after having felt so well for awhile...

...therein lies the good news however!! You can get back to that place of feeling good again.

I would venture to say that everyone with anxiety has times of feeling well, and then experiences a rough spot here and there...and then there are even the really hard times that come up, seemingly out of nowhere.

Keep up with your coping techniques for now, even if they don't seem to he helping...they are, and it is important to keep up t he practice and discipline of that routine.

You may also need to consider expanding your anxiety management plan at this time. Have you been in therapy? (sorry, I can't recall) If not, then why not do some looking into it? If you have, then maybe a refresher course...or if you are currently seeing someone...asking for specific help for your current situatution and this tough period.

Know that we are here for you. We are cheering you on, and sending encouragment. We know that this will not last forever, so move towards your goals, and feel better soon...there is hope!!

Talk to you soon,

S.C.
Posted 2/28/2014 7:40 PM (GMT 0)
Keep Moving Forward- Exactly! And they think since they can't see it, then it's not real. I was on 1mg Xanax (as needed) and then depression medicine. Which is not my main problem, my depression stems from my anxiety. I'm thinking of asking my doctor about Zoloft. Have u ever had an experience with this med or someone you know? I can't live like this. I hate medicine, but I honestly I will end up dead if these symptoms continue. I just want my life back T_T

Scaredy Cat- no I'm not currently seeing anyone. I was seeing a therapist but recently stopped because my mom doesn't want me to. She gets mad and jealous and will say, go to Terry (my therapist) your 'real mom'. Which of course she isn't but..she gets mad I don't talk to her. But how can I!? I try to talk to her but she makes it about her. She will say 'I'm depressed to, I'm tired too, I hide my feelings too.' She doesn't listen! She always makes it about her :(

Post Edited (Jenn95) : 2/28/2014 12:46:07 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/28/2014 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
I echo the same concerns about your mom's attitude toward you seeking counseling! I am very sorry to hear that!

How about speaking to another trusted adult...a school counselor, pastor/priest, relative? Perhaps they could help you mom understand that you need more assitance than she is able to provide with her idea of 'helping'.

I do encourage you to check out the on-line therapy in the Resoruces. The MoodGym is a great self-guided program that you could start with for now.:)


https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

Keep talking with us as well. We are here always...really, anytime you need to support!

S.C.

Posted 2/28/2014 8:16 PM (GMT 0)
Keep Moving Foward- Thanks! I really appreciate your kind words. Although like I said I feel the same as you I don't like medicine. But it's what I feel I need right now. I see my doctor Wednesday. My mom believes medicine is great. Um...no, not what I believe at all. She's on 5 medicines. Yeah she need medicine but she relies on that solely. All she does is sleep from 3pm (when she gets home from work) to 5am when she wakes up for work. I feel sad about that, and that's definitely not how I want life to be for me. Thanks again for your words of support ❤
Posted 2/28/2014 8:19 PM (GMT 0)
...here is the direct link for MoodGym.

Free on-line CBT programs:

http://www.moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

http://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome

Posted 2/28/2014 8:20 PM (GMT 0)
Scaredy Cat- I will look into that online support! My mom wants me to be so sheltered from the world. Homeschooled my whole life, and in online college. My only refuge is work (of course I work with my sister like my mom wants) a And I need to be preppy all the time. It's very hard, so I reach out online I guess.
Posted 2/28/2014 9:01 PM (GMT 0)
Keep Moving Forward- Thank you once again, for your kind words of support and encouragement. I feel like I finally have a friend.😊💕
Posted 2/28/2014 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
You do have lots of friends here, who genuinely care for you.

It is my hope, now that you are a young woman (legal adult), that you can get strength and healing, and walk away from your past....and into a bright future.

You have started taking steps toward independence, healing and thinking for yourself and your own best interests.

Keep up the good work!!

We are cheering you on.:)

S.C.
Posted 2/28/2014 9:38 PM (GMT 0)
Jenn,

You are going to find many people here in situations where, due to various circumstances, we feel isolated and misunderstood,....and "talking" to other people online, and truthfully, HW in particular, you will find friendships forged.

This is a very caring, open-hearted community, and while most of us (with a few exceptions) have not been able to meet in person, we still feel very connected through the trust we've built up here.

I did want to mention to you that if you feel that you are in danger of harming yourself or someone else, to please seek immediate emergency attention. Please also take a moment to read the forum rules regarding the discussion of topics such as self-harm. To do so may be triggers for others who are here to recover from such issues, so we ask that you refrain from discussing those activities. We want you to know, very much, that we care about your well-being, and a big part of that is asking for help when you need it.

If you are experiencing feelings of suicide, self-harm, or inflicting harm on another, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

You are always welcome to post here, and you do have friends here who care and want to help see you through this. You've found what I sincerely believe is the best and most receptive forum for people to gather and share thoughts that circle around anxiety and panic.

Welcome aboard!


M.
Posted 2/28/2014 11:05 PM (GMT 0)
Merrida- I genuily apologize, I did not mean to offend anyone or trigger anyone. I fixed my post to take out 'that subject'. Thanks again for the support, Jenn
Posted 2/28/2014 11:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn95, Don't worry, I hope all is good, don't worry, how are you doing now? My best wishes! HB (all is ok, don't worry)

Post Edited (HappyBean) : 2/28/2014 4:24:16 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 2/28/2014 11:46 PM (GMT 0)
HappyBean- thanks, I just felt bad, didn't want to upset anyone. That's the last thing I want to do. I thought I was ok, but I fell asleep about about hour and a half ago right after I had dinner, and as I was falling asleep I felt this throbbing/pulsing sensation throughout my body. And it woke me from sleep, I checked my pulse it was reaching 105bpm. It scared me a lot, seeing that I was resting, not even exercising. I am chatting with Keep Moving Forward, she says I'm fine, I always fear the worst. I drank a lot of water and my pulse is slowly coming down it's at 92bpm. I'm just concerned it was that high for that long. I pray it was just anxiety. Thanks for checking in and caring, Jenn 💕
Posted 3/1/2014 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn,
Sounds like a really tough situation to be in--not feeling good, but no support to help fix it. I hope your doctor can work with you to get a plan in place to help you feel better soon.

In regards to your head, I will say that lately, when I am feeling super anxious during my waking times, I often wake from being completely asleep with a "buzzing head" and racing pulse, completely drenched in sweat. It is unnerving, but since I haven't had this happen before my most recent episode of high anxiety, I am trying to tell myself it is related to that and that I am going to be ok. Of course, this is easier said that done for us anxiety prone types, but the fact that you are an otherwise healthy 18 year old and the pulse is coming down with time would suggest to me that you are indeed ok. Just my non-medically trained 0.02.

Posting here when I feel really worked up has helped me "come down" from some intense moments of anxiety over the past month and I encourage you to do the same. Lots of great people with big hearts who have been where we are.

Take care.

--kate
Posted 3/1/2014 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Kate- Hi, thanks for your support. I'm glad you think my racing pulse is nothing to be to concerned about. Does you racing heart ever wake you out of sleep?? Can't wait to see my doctor Wednesday. Thanks for the support, Jenn💕
Posted 3/1/2014 5:23 AM (GMT 0)
I know exactly how you feel jenn. My palms are alwaysss sweating, I have to prepare myself to go to slp because I think laying down ill feel my heart beating fast. I constantly feel like I just wanna stay in and hide from the world, the only support I get is from my incarcerated husband, he helps me with breathing over the phone and even tries to get mymind off of it wen I'm having an attack (nvr works) and like u, my family tells me I jus need to find out tha cause for my stress they are also tired of picking me up to take me to thetheir house wen I feel like it's not working and I can't control it. I read sum 1 say their depression is because of tha constant anxiety, SAME HERE, I just want to be able to go out with friends again, hve a drink etc but all I can think about is anxiety kicking in. At tha moment I'm having a numb arm with a little pain n head ache. I thought of course stroke or something until I found this site. I'm currently on my moms couch. Took one lorazepam 4hrs ago still don't feel my Normal self tho
Posted 3/1/2014 5:29 AM (GMT 0)
I try not to take my meds too, according to the docs I can get passed it on my own and that's what I've been trying to do but its easier said than done today, I can only go about two days without taking meds. I jus got a referral for a therapist , hope fully that will ease my symptons. I don't even believe I'm stressed about anything besides dealing with this
Posted 3/1/2014 5:40 AM (GMT 0)
tastetheredbone- I understand how you feel completely. My depression is from my anxiety. I get so stressed out over my anxiety symptoms that it makes me upset and feel like not even trying. I'm sorry that you don't have any support, it's great you can speak to your husband and he helps you. But I know the feeling of wanting someone to physically be there to support you. My family are the same. Their sick of hearing me complain, even today I woke up feeling sick (I have a cold) and I was saying how my head hurt a lot. And my mom was like take ibuprofen you will be fine, your not going to the ER. I didn't say I wanted to, but she always assumes. And it hurts that they can't see that I Don't want to feel this way! I hate *thinking* I'm going to die. I also hate medicine and try to make it on my own, but sometimes my anxiety spirals out if hand. I just want my life back. I understand how you feel and I hope it gets better for you. But please know I'm always here to chat if you need someone. Jenn💕
Posted 3/1/2014 6:04 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks same to you. Every time a new sympton happens like the numb srm tonight, my dad sed maybe I should go to the doc and my mom chimed in like she's been to the doc she's fine and I'm jus thinking well wat if its not related to anxiety but hours have passed and I'm fine. I'm here for you too, I believe if you've never had an attack you can't imagine the feeling so I try to help because I do kno how it feels. Hope ur cold goes away I jus got over one and I was freaking about if I got an attack how would I breathe out my nose lol
Posted 3/1/2014 8:53 AM (GMT 0)
Jenn,

I've had anxiety, (GAD but lots of health anxiety) since I was young, younger than when you even started it, so I know how frustrating you can feel, and how boxed in when you feel like you have no place to go, especially when fear is keeping you locked up.

You'd be surprised just how fast your heart can beat when you're anxious (whether from panic or a first date!) They really are pretty strong organs, and our heart rates vary constantly throughout the day. We mostly tend to notice and take our pulse when things feel wild, though. But remember, that's not always the case.

My family also,--because I wasn't bleeding or had broken bones sticking out,--ran the gamut of being condescending to me and very dismissive. I'm 51 and you know I can still feel the pangs of how I was treated as I child going through this and not being believed.

Is there another adult in your life you have access to and trust and could safely talk to?

I understand in her efforts to protect you from those thing which she fears, inadvertently she's preventing you from growing up and taking care of myself. My Mother did the same thing with me. I'm only learning now things I should have learned in college....

((hugs))



M.
Posted 3/6/2014 12:50 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry your mom was unsupportive of how you were feeling. Even though in the back of my mind I know I'm probably not dying I still want support. And I can relate!! That was my fear all through my cold, what if I have an attack. Almost had one twice but didn't thanks goodness! How have you been the past few days? Jenn💕
Posted 3/6/2014 3:16 AM (GMT 0)
Jenn, it's me again Larry, I think you said you have Xanax, take according to directions it can be a life
saver, it was for me. Peace

Larry ***
Posted 3/6/2014 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jenn, im new here and was interested in joining after reading your post. I am a panic disorder and depression survivor. I was sick for 2 years after my child had major surgery and I was diagnosed with diabetes and working 12 hours a day at a very stressful job. I worked very hard at getting well in fact probably toughest job ive ever had. I have not been sick for 15 years, no panic and no depression. I didn't know or realize at the time that I just had the whole buffet on my plate. I really feel for you, its just horrible but you can get well. Id like to share my experience with you. take care, Deb
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