New to the forum - yet dealing with a lot of anxiety & panic attacks

Hi everyone -

I am new to this forum but certainly not new to anxiety or panic attacks. I have dealt with them since 1996. I have been on varied medications and have cycled through the anxiety-panic attacks-depression mode often. Unfortunately right now I am in the depression mode after an overwhelming amounts of anxiety & panic attacks. I have seen my doctor and discussed a plan of action yet the plan involves me needing to stay away from my place of work because it is a major trigger for me. This is discouraging for me since I literally just wrapped up my bachelors degree 10 days ago and my major is Child Development. My work is currently working with infants & toddlers but I just cannot tolerate it any longer. When I hear the crying (which I know is completely developmentally appropriate for them) I want to scream or run out of the room. I had been seeking other employment already but now I am taking a medical leave of absence with the support of my doctor. I am finding one issue that keeps coming back to me and that is my concern that I have been feeling overly disconnected and in a haze lately. I also have been having major headaches and just that general feeling of "blah". I (just like all of you) want to feel "normal" again and feel like a functioning human being - even if it while on medications.

Thank you for taking the time to read.

Hi P.A.P. and welcome!

I too am sorry to hear that work is a hard place for you currently. It must be frustrating after just completeing your education...but have hope that with treatment and progress, you will get back into your chosen vocation!

You mention working with your doctor and medication...how about therapy? Are you currently seeing someone? If not, I highly recommend starting...or re-visiting a program to help you manage this current rough spot.

We also have excellent Resources here that you can check out for great self-help ideas! Here is the link...look and see if there is anything that looks beneficial to you.

https://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&m=104206

Keep posting with us as well. We understand and care...and support is key!

Lookig foward to getting to know you better,

Scaredy Cat

Thank you for the responses.

Scaredy Cat - I am seeing someone again and my hopes are to get my attacks at bay again. It's been an extremely overwhelming/emotional week for me. I feel like I fallen into the vicious cycle of "Anxiety - Panic Attacks - Depression" yet again. I find myself weeping for what seems like no reason. I am easily irritated, short-fused, and in a constant "on edge" mood. I will see my doctor again tomorrow evening to re-evaluate how I am doing and what my next steps will be.

I have had a few people suggest trying acupuncture and hypnosis/meditation yet I am unsure of the true success of these. Do you happen to have any experience?

Problems are Opportunities - I think that feeling like running from the room when I hear the crying children is in part to do with the simple fact that I do not enjoy working with that particular age group. I was merely supposed to be assigned to that group short-term and then to a preschool aged classroom. I do not find joy in changing diapers, feeding, and taking care of infants all day long. I find enjoyment in working with older children (approximately pre-k/kindergarten/1st grade) and applying lesson plans that I have developed to enhance their natural learning abilities. My bachelors degree is for that of Early Childhood Development (birth-age 8) so my hopes are to find something in the older age frame. Yet, returning to your question. I also start to feel "trapped" in the classroom with the children and there seems to be someone always crying. It is myself and another teacher with 9 children under the age of 18 months. I feel that I spend my entire days meeting basic needs (diapering & feeding) and merely as a babysitter rather than an early childhood professional. I also find that I have minimal support from the supervisory staff who do not directly work with the children. Even moments when you just need to step out of the room to use the restroom are met with heavy sighs and comments such as "Can't you wait until your break?" I know that the work environment has become part of why I would feel so much anxiety every Sunday evening and then a panic attack on Monday morning while driving to work, and then depression & feeling helpless by the end of the day.

I truly just want more out of my life. I do not want to work with others who are filled with distain for their jobs because of their distain for the management as well. I do not want to feel unhappy/anxious/panic-stricken when it is time to go to work. I do not want to feel "trapped" when I am at work. I do not want to be somewhere that I know has no room for advancement. I have worked at my place of employment for 10 years and I the wages I am currently making are the same as newly hired staff. I am worth more. My sanity is worth more. My family is worth more.

I think you should apply for a job working with older children and if this is not for you give your proper notice and leave. I would not think that it would be good to have to give a reference from a place where they have a feeling that you were not handling your responsibilities- right or wrong.

Panic Attack Princess , Hello and welcome to HealingWell.   Glad you've found our online community. It’s a great place to connect with others traveling the same road...you'll find much support, encouragement and advice from others who understand. Congratulations on your bachelor’s degree, you must be very proud of your perseverance and dedication to your education.  It has only been 10 days ago and all of a sudden your ties with the scholastic and academic community are complete at least for now.  You’re on your own and ready to work in the field you study but this is a huge change for you.   One of the worst things you can do when this happens is to pretend everything is "just fine." Even if you agree intellectually that the changes are necessary, emotionally you still may have some painful, negative reactions to deal with.   I have dealt with anxiety and depression since 1982 and the one thing I maintained was a relationship with my Drs. - when the low times struck I had my support team already established.   I had great success with self-hypnosis as well as coming here and talking with other.   Stick with us as we care,   Kitt