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Posted 4/6/2014 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hello,

I have depression and anxiety,one of my biggest problems is that i think i am inadequate and not smart enough. I have troubles concentrating and sometimes it becomes really hard for me to study and often people that don't really know that for me is one of the biggest problems in my life try to give me advice or tell me that i have to study. Such conversation make me feel that im not trying good enough and im a bad. I avoided people for a long time because of depression and recently i've started having my social life back,so i decided that instead of avoiding people i should avoid such conversations. How can i say stop such conversations?(about academic stuff) usually they really make me feel crap. Im really struggling with studying, so i dont really need people to give me "advice" without knowing that is an actual problem.
Posted 4/6/2014 8:43 PM (GMT 0)
jeoch,

I would advise you to not bring up studying in any conversation and if others get to talking about studying than just smile and listen.  If it gets to hard to listen to others talking about studying, live that group and join another one that is visiting about a topic you would enjoy.

Posted 4/7/2014 1:19 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Jeoch,

Good to hear from you again!

First of all...great job on making the important leap of separating the wanting to avoid touchy subjects, and avoiding talking to people in general!

It is a good and healthy step that you are taking, and one that requires courage and shows growth.:)

When/if someone does try to bring studying up with you, have prepared and to the point statement ready as a reply.

Somthing like:

"While I appreciate your input, I have a good plan in place for myself, but thanks anyway."

Then smiling and changing the subject should move things away from where you prefer the conversation not go.

Remember that you are more than adequate and smart enough to do all of the things that you want and need to do! Don't ever tell yourself otherwise...that is just negative thinking courtesy of the old anxiety and depression...(they are NOT our friends!!)

Keep posting !

S.C.
Posted 4/7/2014 10:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for your answers. I tried to let some close people of mine about my problem and they just say everybody has anxiety,your problem is that you consider it as a problem,like they want to say is a creation of my mind and an excuse,this also makes me feel like a crap. (i do not tell people about diagnosis though) I think it is better to avoid such discussions in general.
Posted 4/7/2014 3:24 PM (GMT 0)
Well, keep talking to us...

...we understand that this is much more than a creation of the mind...and it is certainly not an excuse. No one would would choose this, right?

I find that talking with others here is the outlet that I need to deal with the issues that I face.:) Support and care are always available anytime!

S.C.
Posted 4/7/2014 8:00 PM (GMT 0)
I tend to agree...

If there's a topic, any topic, that makes you very uncomfortable, you have options: Listen, but do not engage....do not discuss the topic,...if others bring it up (and they will,--just because it's a hot-spot for you does not mean it's a hot-spot for others), you can listen w/o speaking,....you can simply smile, excuse yourself, and walk away. No explanation necessary.

I've found,--at least for me,--trying to explain to others that X, Y, or Z is a hot-spot for me, doesn't usually do much good. If anything, depending on the relationship with the person I tell, it may only give them fuel re: how to make me uncomfortable.

I don't need that. And no one needs to know any medical diagnosis about you that you don't want. It's nobody's business.

I've found,--people who care, will learn. People who are not sensitive to your feelings,...whatever you tell them about your hot-spot goes in one ear and out the other.






M.
Posted 4/7/2014 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Well,I agree with all of you. Of course,nobody would choose to be in this hell called anxiety or depression. Sometimes i just feel that i want to try to make people be aware of these illnesses because i just hate who prejudiced are people about mental illnesses and how people are being stigmatized because of them.So i try to let close people of mine know but most of the times it doesn't really work.Nobody will ever know how it feels till they walk in the same shoes.I guess some things are better keep "secret"
Posted 4/8/2014 11:54 AM (GMT 0)
Another thing i would like to ask you..how can i let my mom know that i don't want her to ask my everytime we talk about how studying is going or if i am studying? It makes super anxious because she wants me to succeed as much as i want and her expectations make me more anxious because i dont want to let her down,i dont want to be a failure. I dont't want to say anything about diagnosis,bcoz still even my mom can't get it. Everytime she ask me about studies i get angry because i already told her i do not want to talk about it all the time. Im in medical school and the pressure is already much.
Posted 4/8/2014 4:11 PM (GMT 0)
If you don't mind me asking...

Do you live at home? Are you parents funding your schooling?

These things may factor into the dynamic of how much your mom inquires into your daily agenda and educational status.

S.C.
Posted 4/8/2014 5:40 PM (GMT 0)
I am from a European country and i study in another European country quite far away from home. I lost my father when i was 11.My mom is funding my studies and everything.
Posted 4/9/2014 2:58 AM (GMT 0)
Okay,

...well since she is funding your education, then it is a courtesy to let her know how you are doing of course...

...but you can set the parameters and boundaries gently.

Tell her that when she inquires about your study habits that it causes you stress, and offer to keep her informed...but on your terms.

For instance, maybe you can do a weekly check in and beat her to the inquiry by offering her an update right off?

This puts you in the position of controlling the anxiety inducing questioning...while still satisfying her need to know how you are doing.:)

Hope this works if you choose to try it!

S.C.
Posted 4/9/2014 11:35 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you :)
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