Can i ever be happy again?

Dealing with Health anxiety since last year. I am always going through the vicious cycle of finding somewhere unwell, not perfect and my anxiety wuld peak and i will go through hellish days and weeks convincing myself i have something before i muster enough courage to seek doc's opinion. , i've seen a dermatologist, GPs, gastrologist, TCM, psychiatrist etc.. The psychiatrist says i have Anxiety Disorder with somantic symptoms with depression symptoms.

I am tired of always feeling something not wrong and my mind convincing me its bad. For now, the latest problem for 2 weeks for i keep feeling something in my nose, have that slight uncomfortable feel so i keep digging n digger, and i keep digging but its clean and i will constantly 24hrs keep thinking oh what is it what bad is it because i ever heard a story about ppl dying from this disease so i m freaked out. Then now i will hv blocked ears n i get even more paranoid... seeing doc always freak me out. i m soooo tired of repeating this vicious cycle. Jus like last month, i keep feeling stomach cramp and i went to see Gastrologist, and i dont even have gerd anymore. I look around myself, so many ppl aint behaving like me.. they are all happy with their life, why is it me so ****ed up. :(

I dont know, why is it so hard to be 'normal'... I cried so much because i have lost myself n i made my loved ones stressed up because i keep thinking about myself. its like never ending.. one problem goes down, another one comes up, i hate this... i really hate this.

I feel moody all the time because i can never be happy again.. *sob*

Post Edited (fireworks) : 6/7/2014 7:57:35 AM (GMT-6)

Fireworks , I feel just like you it's been a nightmare , I pray that I be normal again , it's like when will it happen , I feel so lost , and I'm missing out on life ...

Scaredy Cat n friends, i actually "recovered" for a while after seeking help from psychiatrist and after endo/colon all good, i felt invincible feeling, like hey im at the top of the world feeling normal.

It didnt help much after i got into a heated argument with my spouse, i felt defeated n i started to feel 'physically uncomfortable' again... And the whole cycle starts again.

It didnt help at all when he keep talking about how he will leave me if i dont obey him, if i dont fulfil his needs, if i behave like a anxiety-filled b***h. it does not help.

The world is about him, he himself and he will want me to change to fit into his life because he cannot change himself. After i gave in to him, i felt defeated..... Everytime.

My anixiety is giving me lots of hell. I haven't been to CBT because i felt i dont need it. Maybe i do.

I spent a lot of money going to the doc n specialists for opinions just to ease my anxieties and i felt really ****ed up. The monies I could have put into better use like giving my kids a better education or a holidays for the family.... WHY AM I SO SELFISH.. As such i missed out all the best things in life. I feel so crap.

F.W.,

I don't know where to start.

First and foremost, you are worth every penny and effort that it takes to get you well. Do not let anyone or thing take away your sense of value. You are beyond price and have the right to feel better. You are not selfish, and you are doing the best that you can in spite of your circumstances.

I am really upset to hear of the way that your husband views your partnership, and the way that he talks to you. I can't tell you what to do, as it is your personal situation, but please know that no wife should be viewed as someone who must be obdient to her husband. She should not be expected to fulfill her husband's need under threat...and should never be called hurtful names. I don't wonder why you are anxious living with this kind of relationship stress.

I do encourage you to keep going in your treatment. It is something that you can do for you, and for your kids. You can find that happier, less anxious place again with treatment.

I wish you much progress and a calmer/worry free day today.

Keep us posted and allow us to support you...we care about you F.W.!!

S.C.

Thanks everyone.. can't tell you how much I appreciated your advice n encouragement.

It is true, anxiety is one way of telling us we are losing control over something in our life. Thou my spouse isn't perfect, but I m still willing to love him. He doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't flirt.. so I suppose he is a good guy to be cherished. And I have to stay in this marriage for my young kids.

My spouse is verbally and mentally abusive towards me. And when I broke down, he calls me a physco, a low life **** crap.. all sorts of names. I asked him why is he so mean and disrespectful. He said because I provoked him and it is because of me, provoking him n all these happened so the blame is on me and I have to apologize to him if not he will not end the battle.

Sometimes I love him, sometimes I hate him for doing these to me. For making me feel so defeated and powerless. My health anxiety kicks in the whole year round since the beginning of the year. I will have new symptoms and then the vicious cycle starts.

My nose been feeling uncomfortable for the past 2 weeks, should I get it checked out or should I be seeing the psychiatrist?

Btw, I don't have many friends. Do you?

FW.,

We are your friends, so know that you are accepted, cared about and never judged by anyone here.

It would be a good step to also seek friendships around your area as well however. Is there a community center where you could join a group, take a class, or possibily volunteer? These are all great ways to make connections.

How about church? Is that something that you might be interested in? Checking out your neighborhood congregations/temples could bring both social and spiritual benefits for you.

As far as your question regarding seeing someone? I think that definitely you should look into seeking help and relief for your anxiety. Everyone who struggles can benefit from therapy. I would look into this possibilty a.s.a.p.

Know that we are always here to listen and encourage you FW...keep talking with us, your friends.:)

S.C.

FW,

Oh man! The internet is both a wonderful and terrible thing! Try to stay away from google searches. In my opinion, they can do nothing but bring up more questions and worries...if not out right panic!

How about checking these out instead? :)

Health Anxiety - A Self Help Guide:

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hypochondria/pages/introduction.aspx

Helping health Anxiety

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_id=53

Health Anxiety- The Super Scanner

http://www.get.gg/docs/SuperScanner.pdf

Wishing a better second half of the day for you...it's not over yet!! ;p

S.C.