General Anxiety Disorder - Newb

Hello,

I am a 33 year old male. about four months ago I was drinking scotch after a long day and took a hydrocodone to help with some shoulder pain I was having. I went to sleep two scotches later and woke up feeling like my heart was not beating and I was having trouble breathing. I NEVER had anxiety or panic before this moment. Ever.. I jumped out of bed and started doing jumping jacks(Yes, I know..how ridiculous!lol) AFTER taking two hits from an albuterol inhaler. Needless to say this worked my heart into a frenzy and I had a feeling that I will never forget. I had sent my body into what I could only describe as complete shock. I had my wife call 911 and I was rushed to the hospital just to find out I had an anxiety attack. I was released the next morning and referred to my GP. After that moment I have been living in fear every day of another attack. about a week later I was sitting at my desk and after no thought what-so-ever I felt like I was about to pass out. My limbs went tingly and I rushed to the office next to mine so I wouldn't pass out alone in mine. I notified a co-worker (Luckily I work in a clinic) who quickly took my bp and helped me upstairs for an examination. After a 1st year resident told me it was because I was fat...and I was... I decided it would be best to go to the ER. Where again, I had an EKG and was told I was having a panic attack. I have fought this tooth and nail for over 4 months with no meds, I used klonopin at first but didn't want it to become a crutch. Every ache in my body causes fear, I have had a nuclear stress test, which I performed very well....4 Normal EKG's, Blood tests, examinations, all which said nothing is wrong with me. I keep thinking I'm going to have a heart attack but my doc assures me if I had 4 good ekg's and a perfect nuclear stress test then my heart is fine. I have lost 45 lbs and the doc is quite impressed but I check my pulse ox and my bp daily. I was NEVER like this before. My poor wife is having the hardest time with me, she keeps me sane but I fear I am wearing her out. CBT was a bust. I knew more than the therapist. After reviewing my symptoms she said "I wouldn't rule out a heart issue..." I had a panic attack that evening and went to the ER thinking my heart was going crazy. I've tried anti-depressants, klonopin, beta-blockers, antihistamines but each and every one of those changes the way I feel and throws me deeper into psychosis. I have been holding this together for so long. Struggling to LIVE. I put on a smile and bust my ass at work, nobody can tell that I am absolutely falling apart most of the time. Now I am weak, tired, shaky. I don't know what symptoms are real and what aren't. I make it through each day which I would think would help me reason "It's not that bad, you're still alive." but I still think I have a major medical issue. I don't know what to do. Like I said before, I burned the candle at both ends my entire life. Never worried or had a fear of anything. I have a hard time enjoying anything now. Am I alone in how this feels?

JP

Thanks, HeartfeltOne. I do my best to be pro-active about this, I want to beat it. I keep reminding myself that "Courage means to keep making forward progress while you still feel afraid.". I continue to make forward progress, but it is so hard. Some days are harder than others. I went almost a week and a half several weeks ago without any fear or doubt. A family vacation was coming up, to a beautiful beach and I should have been excited about it, but instead the closer it got the more stressed and anxious I felt. I calm myself with breathing techniques almost daily. I try to stay reasonable. I will admit I've seen the doctor probably 10 times in the past 4 months.lol I find it so frustrating that when I have physical symptoms they can't find a reason for them. It's almost like I'm in denial. Anyway, I WILL BEAT THIS ONE DAY. I hope you can as well!

I will add my two cents. I feel for you because it is scary and so very frustrating when you just want to feel normal. But you just might need to go on meds to help you, at least give it a chance for the med to kick in. Then later after you are feeling back to normal you could have your doctor taper you off them. But it sounds like you need a break fro your anxiety soon.