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Posted 7/12/2014 9:24 PM (GMT 0)
Hello there,

I rarely feel good enough for others. When i'm around my girlfriends i feel like im the less good looking and i when we go out i don't feel that comfortable because i worry about how i look. I have some extra pounds but in my society is really important to be slim.Actually people often comment about my weight and generally appearance. I don't wanna have those worries all the time and most of all i don't want to let people make me think about that,even my own mom. They really make me hate myself.
Posted 7/13/2014 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, jeoch!
I call myself the queen of low self-esteem! But at the same time, I refuse to let anyone stop me from going and doing things that I want to do because of my "looks"! I am overweight. I have been overweight 95% of my life. I am not one of those people that is so fat that you want to turn and stare (but won't b/c you're too polite!) but I have always been too big to be considered a fashionable size. Now my sister was a different story. Beautiful figure and guys LOVED to look at her. Even she had appearance issues! When we were teens, she wouldn't go to the mailbox without her makeup on! LOL!
Look around you. How many people do you EVER see that you would consider worthy of a magazine cover? How many couples look like they belong on the cover of a romance novel? Truthfully, the vast majority of people are plain-to-average looking.
Anyone worth knowing REALLY will want to know you for WHO you REALLY ARE. A book cover tells so little about the story awaiting inside! When you truly think about it, friendship is what it is all about anyhow. That comes first. So don't let ANYONE get you down! And hey, next time someone is judging you (or you feel like they are b/c sometimes it is mostly ourselves being sensitive!), look at them back and you'll find that they're not perfect either! Ever seen those pix of Pamela Anderson without her makeup on? If not, Google it! UGH!
Love yourself and others will too! The older I get, the more I am realizing that. I wish I could've believed it more when I was younger!
Remeber: You ROCK!!
janetlee
Posted 7/13/2014 2:02 AM (GMT 0)
I completely understand, because the value of appearance was deeply rooted and pushed into me since I was a very, very young child. I grew up thinking my value as a person was solely dependent upon my appearance.

I wish I had a time machine to go back and give myself a good talking to. Because most of the time, the people who are critical tend to be either ourselves (where we're over-focused on every little thing), or it's other women who feel the need to nit pick.

Most men aren't truly that shallow. And, most men's ideal of "beauty" tends to vary substantially from what women impose on each other.

Regardless, I learned and so you will you,...that what creates beauty isn't about your looks. It's about how you feel, and how people feel around you. We all know the girls that don't seem all that attractive but people just love to be around them! That's because they love themselves, they have self-worth, they project confidence, and others enjoy their company because the person helps others to feel good about themselves (instead of focusing on her own physical attributes).

Paying attention to others is a more beautiful quality, as is the gift of liking, loving, smiling, humour, laughter, compassion, sympathy, and demonstrating that you refuse to fall into that very trap,....and you can choose to NOT be one of those critical people!

I came a long, long way from those beginnings!! Broaden your horizons as well as your perspective! :)








M.
Posted 7/13/2014 3:25 AM (GMT 0)
Jeoch,

I can't add anything more to this great advice above!!

I just wanted to send my support, encouragement and suggest that you write down 3 things daily that you love about yourself. At first this may be a challenge...but before long, you will have no trouble adding to your list of self-affirmations.

Print out the above wisdom, and keep it and that list handy for when you are going through a rough time with how you are feeling about yourself.

We think you are awesome!! :)

S.C.
Posted 7/13/2014 11:30 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you so much for your support. I study away from my country and usually when im away from the society where i grew up and my family im more at peace with myself,i feel beautiful and strong enough. My mom always underestimates how i feel and what i tell her. For example whenever she comments about my weight i tell her that i don't like comments about my weight or appearance and she is just like i didn't say anything bad. So many times i feel like crap. Where i currently live i don't have any problem with finding a partner,i can say that its quite easy to do but even when im with someone i don't feel good enough for him even if i know he is not that great looking. I don't actually care if his not good looking as long as i find him attractive and usually a guys personality and generally a person's is much more attractive than just a flesh. All these society's requirements make so tired. I feel like running away from home.
Posted 7/13/2014 1:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Again!
As time passes, no matter what a person looks like, their appearance is going to change and it usually does not get "better". Everyone gets old and with age comes wrinkles and grey hair and so on. If we base our esteem solely on how physically attractive we are, then we are not ever going to be contented with
ourselves! :(
Mothers make comments about their daughters and they usually do not intend to make their daughter feel bad, but they DO! It is SAD! I truly believe that mothers worry about their daughters and tend to project their own fears onto their daughters! So although they mean to be protective of their child, they actually do the very thing that they are afraid others will do to their child!
I am sure that your Mom loves you. Just try to remember that she likely does not know the challenges you are facing in the times we live in now and the society that is in existence now. Cultures are so different! When I was young, I used to dream of going to an island like Samoa where large women were considered desirable. Now I hear that western society has changed perceptions of what is considered "beautiful" there. So you see, we must learn to love who we are and to love who we are, we must become a person that we ourselves would want to be around. A person that is nice, kind and loving. That is what makes a good person! :)
HUGS!!!!
janetlee
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