Posted 8/7/2014 1:37 PM (GMT 0)
Hello all, me again. :x
Spoke to someone who is a psychologist (newly graduated) today. It's free why not? He asked me everything since childhood till now.. And his conclusion for me is
Low self esteem - true, i was often jealous/envy of others for being prettier, sexier, rich, complete family etc.
Abandonment issues - both parents passed away when i was teenager, due to sickness. I did not know I could speak to someone on this issue, I was all alone dealing with grief and guilt.
Unhappy relationship - My marriage with my husband wasn't exactly a pleasant one. He is the type who will jump at every little things and pick on everything he's not happy with. That makes me nervous all the time. We had a lot of fights over trival matters, and I've always been the open kind of person who is always willing to open for discussion and not fights but he is on the other hand, wants a submissive wife. Just like the song lyrics
"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over, But had me believing it was always something that I'd done. But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say.."
After speaking to the psychologist, he thinks I have a abusive husband (He laid his hands on me a few times before, I've been slapped and punched by him BECAUSE he said I provoked him and I was the firestarter) and he has been sending negative vibes to me, like when i told him my anxiety issues, his "support" for me is to tell me to GET OVER WITH IT. He thinks I'm poisoning myself with my anxiety and stress issues, and he tells me to get ready my own grave. He will take care of the kids. (I was like *** it is making me even more depressed) He will tell me things like im hopeless, no cure cos of the way I think and vicious cycle and he can see it coming. I was like, l know thats why I needed the support from you.
So yes my husband was the stem of my anxiety. He is the one with the character flaw - anger management issue, high ego issue. So all the stress, anxiety and negative vibes I received from him. Because I was into belief, stress can cause chronic illness and hence I became a health anxiety freak!