Posted 8/10/2014 3:21 PM (GMT 0)
Hello there, here is a little background on me, I am 22, mommy of 2 little boys, married and a stay at home mom. Anxiety has been on and off for about 7 years ranging in a few different forms, from social to health and from mild to a bloody panic. For the same amount of time I have had a CONSTANT fear of death, I mean I have thought about it at least once (most days more than once) a day for that long, I even went for a solid 2 months in '08 when I was sure that "today is the day I die" It was awful. I have ridiculous anxiety when I am a passenger in a car, not when I am driving though, just as a passenger. Also I have had this weird thing where when I do something I have to do it in 3's no joke I CANNOT deal with myself if something is not in 3's or multiples of 3's, I scare and startle easily and always have been and I am superstitious too boot.
I have been over weight since I had my first son nearly 5 years ago... Earlier this year I decided to loose weight and get healthy again... I stared working out and taking a all natural pill to help block fat absorption and increase metabolism called FucoThin Green. I went from 226 to 212 within the first two weeks or so fairly fast. My weight pretty much stayed at 212 for the next 4 months because I slowly stopped working out and I would start my day eating healthy but then binge on junk and fast food the rest of the day. I still took the FucoThin Green until I noticed some pain I was getting in my right side area.. so I stopped those.
Right so, from about May (maybe earlier) my husband and I were having lots of relationship issues. We were fighting EVERYDAY, bad fights, screaming matches over nothing at all most of the time. He was taking stuff out on me and I was taking stuff out on him, we were stressed over bills and problems we created ourselves. Needless to say it was a hostile environment every single day and at the start of June, after one of our fights, a binge of fast food and I am pretty sure during my ovulation cycle I started having gut troubles and that was the start of where I am now.
I started researching symptoms trying to find answers as to why my poo was the way it was and ended up sending myself into a solid panic for the entire month of June. I mean I would wake up in a panic, I barley slept at all and if I did sleep I was jolted awake by my anxiety. I was frazzled, my body hurt everywhere, I paced the house all day, I would cry randomly. I had to have my mom help me with my boys because I could barley take care of myself. I did not eat for the longest time, I went from 212 to 190... My symptoms of anxiety worried me more, I would google, get health scares and panic even more, it was a vicious cycle. My husband was fed up with me because everyday I basically told him I was sure I had something that I could die from. On top of the same problems we were having the months before I was adding to them and also not fighting back with him which just pissed him off even more.
Alright so fast forward a week or so and I started reading about PMDD and the Gut/Brain Connection. Prior to all of this happening I was noticing that during my ovulation from about late last year, I felt hopelessness about life, I was sad and would cry at nothing and anything, my anxiety spiked, I was overwhelmed by normal everyday things, snappy with my kids. So on top of that amplifying my anxiety and worry what I was reading on the gut brain connection made me realize I should try taking probiotics and see if they help me.. So in the mid-end of June along with the healthy diet change I started in mid June I started taking probiotics. I started out with the recommended 3 a day and noticed a difference in my mood but not so much in my gut problem, which by the way is that food seems to move pretty fast through me, from eating to eliminating it takes about 10-12 hours where as before all of this started, for example if I at corn, I would see it in about 24-48 hours... also it seems that since it moves so fast the colour is not always normal brown (sorry for the tmi) Anyways, mid July I increased my pro-bs from 3 a day to 6 a day which seemed to help more, especially when it came to my mood, I even stopped obsessing over my poo and what I ate (prior to this I was logging everything) My anxiety was still there but had decreased by a lot. At the end of June for about a week I increased to 9 pro-bs a day, my poo looked completely normal, anxiety was still at manageable levels and I felt good, my ovulation hormones were even easy to deal with and did not send me to a dark place. We were able to take a family trip to the lake house (though I had to drive the whole way otherwise I would have been a nervous wreck) It was lovely.
Well, when we got back from our trip a couple of weeks ago I stumbled upon an article saying that in some cases, some strands of probiotics can cause sepsis and that was it. My health anxiety, worry, panic, all of it was triggered. I stopped taking my probiotics for a few days, talked myself down because this was my 3rd bottle of them and I knew I was being irrational (to some extent) however I finished my bottle days ago and still have not gotten a new one because I must admit I am still a bit frightened at the possibility of the probiotic related sepsis. So about 10 days ago, when I started having signs of ovulation I noticed that my anxiety had increased along with other emotions. The last three days have been HELL, I was in a panic nearly all day for three days, knowing that I should not have I googled health stuff and am scarred about cancer again. The anxiety have me loose stools which made me even more scarred because when it is happening I am not thinking "oh this is from my anxiety" I am thinking "oh my god I am dying I just know it". I had to have mom help me with my boys again because I could barely function, it was just horrid.
So yesterday morning, after waking up anxious of course I asked my mom if she would go with me to my doctors office to talk to him about my anxiety because I need something to help me. I have been dealing with it naturally but at this point I am so fed up and it has gotten so bad I cannot tell anxiety symptom to real symptom and thinking I have something seriously wrong with me health wise has completely taken its toll on me mentally, emotionally and physically. So we go and talk to him, I always feel rushed when I am there (this is my third time there as I just newly have insurance) so I did not get to tell him everything plus I was basically in a panic while I was there talking about it so every other word I had to pause because I was crying.. but he prescribed me two things, 20mg Citalopram which I am supposed to take everyday and .5mg Alprazolam to take at night to help me sleep... I have not taken either yet because about two hours after I got home and an intense crying episode my anxiety actually lifted and I was able to calm down, and for the first time eat something willingly and not want to gag.
I guess I am posting here to get input and support that I am not alone with the mental anguish that is anxiety and to help remind myself that all of these symptoms both my gut problems and everything else started during a ridiculously stressful time.
Also, if it is not to personal I would l would love to know what some of your physical anxiety symptoms are to kind of compare with my own.
Here are mine...
~Gut discomfort and pain when I give it a slight push (though this had been all the time since this stared in June)
~Muscle twitching all over my body (even when I am not anxious)
~Sleep issues
~Loose stools
~Back aches like hell
~New as of yesterday, the front of my ribs are so sore and the ribs on my chest are sore too
~I loose my appetite and even after I calm down it take me a while to want to eat again, sometimes another whole day
~My heart will beat fast when I am in a full panic
~I feel itchy even after I have calmed down or like something is crawling on me
~I sometimes will get gassy too