Concerned about pregnancy and health

Thanks Weary! In just want to go to bed so I can wake up and get to this appointment!

Still have you in my thoughts! Fingers crossed everything goes well tomorrow! Try to get some rest and let us know how things go.

Thank you everyone! I'm praying for positive news! This is the first morning that I woke up breathing calmly with a nice slow heart rate, in weeks! I'm so anxious to hear if my baby is still alive and well and if this new doctor thinks that the path I'm on will be ok. I'll update as soon as I can; good news or bad...

Well everyone, God is good and positive news was received! The baby is still doing well and my new doctor is fine with me staying on low dose Xanax. He said that the increased risk for any issue is only about 1% and he is more concerned about me making a bad decision because I couldn't take care of myself. So, new baby will be arriving in April!

Thanks, M!

I will obviously worry about the possibility of something being wrong with the baby, but I have to see both sides and at least this way, there WILL be a baby! I'm going to have extra monitoring and some fetal echoes to make sure the heart is nice and strong too. This doctor was so supportive. I feel so happy and so excited!

Thanks, MissGigi! I am so relieved. Soooo relieved!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Now I will just be praying that my baby is born healthy and that this is the right decision for is and our family!

Thanks, S.C.!

I'm not going to lie, I am concerned about taking Xanax while I'm pregnant, but the maternal fetal medicine doctor basically told us that there is a 95% chance that the baby will be born without issue. I don't think I would be a normal parent if I didn't worry, but as my family and I discussed, it was either take the Xanax, or not proceed with the pregnancy. I've been in such a bad place that I don't have 4-6 weeks to give another medication a chance to work. I'll just pray a lot that God watches out for this little one!

I will say this the darkness doesn't last forever and this is coming from someone who use to be in same place as you, any sound would freak me out my mother calling my name would cause me to jump dang near out my skin and was scared to stay home alone. My thoughts where overwelming and hard to cope with,the waking in panic is caused by nocturnal attacks meaning panic attacks in your sleep I still deal with these out of no where. Even when everything else has gotten better, try yoga and meditation are maybe just deep breathing excersises. How about putting your focus on your son what is it that you fear?Usually those that suffer with extreme anxiety and panic attacks are fearful of death, we all only get one life to live and I say this because I had to ask myself this question. Every attack you have lived through, every panicky moment you have lived through that there tells you, that you have what it take to go on believe it and know it. And the most high one must see something special in you, for you have been blessed with new life in your womb have you ever looked at this as a sign God is saying calm down. 9months you carry the seed of new life, 9months to be stress free put aside you and see the bigger picture that this could be the universe way of freeing you from anxiety. The universe has chosen you again to bring forth life ,why go through the treatment and be blessed with the desire of your heart. I truly suggest yoga for exspecting moms, and try just getting up to walk around the block for 30 min running, and walking are healthy ways to beat stress because focusing on your breathing and smelling the air and feeling the breeze. Keeps any other unwanted thoughts out your head, you can win you will win you just have to find reason and I say you already have two great ones. Blessings!

Thank you so much. I just have to learn to trust my doctor and know that they will take special care of this baby and watch out for any issues that may arise. On a positive note, the dose of Xanax that I'm on is changing my life and making things so much better. I feel like myself and I'm even going to try and be alone this week instead of spending all of my time with my mom. I'm going to make a play date with my neighbor, which I would normally cancel on. Fingers crossed that while there are risks to what I'm doing, the benefits may really outweigh them.

Hi Everyone,

I thought I would check in and give an update. I've been on the Xanax regularly for about a week and it is making a difference. I have however still had many concerns and fears. My OB referred us to another OB, to have a very real discussion about terminating the pregnancy. I must say that this was one of the kindest men I have ever spoken to. He let me know that my fears and reasons for considering termination, were very real and that couples like us are the type of people he likes to help, because he sees that we are being thoughtful in our decision. After speaking to him and feeling loved and looked after by him, my husband and I came to the decision that we will NOT be terminating the pregnancy. We realized that we were letting fear and anxiety run our lives and as we all know, this is no way to live. We've instead decided that I will stay on the Xanax, we will request some extra ultrasounds to monitor the baby and we will also be hiring a full-time nanny a couple months before the baby is born, so that I do not feel so scared and overwhelmed and I feel like this will help me fight more of the risks of PPD/PPA. So, that's where we're at! I have an ultrasound tomorrow to see how things look.

I just had a chance to read your update. I'm so glad you found someone supportive to talk through this difficult decision with. Meditation and yoga have helped me to calm some of the incessant worry and anxiety. Maybe it might be worth a shot to try that too? I think of you all the time and hope that you are doing ok.

My family doesn't usually help me with raising my child and my husband works a very high pressure job. The reason I've had so much support lately is because my panic attacks became so out of control, that my family did not trust that I was ok to be alone. My husband can't continue to leave work early or work from home to make sure that my son and I are safe and my mom cannot take days every week and dedicate them completely to me, because they're afraid for my well being. I don't believe that it's responsible to bring children into the world if you can only manage to raise them by completely relying on others. I have friends who are single parents who are getting less help than I require now. I'm not sure what is confusing to anyone about what my fears are. I have just suffered an enormous trauma going through IVF and have been on drugs that have caused side effects that can't even be explained. I feel like I have been damaged beyond repair and I am terrified for my future. I am not a lazy woman. I had every intention of having two children and taking care of them both, however, I am in the middle of a crisis that has caused me to have to serious reevaluate my plans. I am taking more steps than anyone knows to try and resolve this. Social workers, psychiatrists, 3 different OB's, help lines for pregnant women who are struggling with depression/anxiety, CBT, yoga, Xanax and essential oils. I came to this board looking for support from people who have similar emotional setbacks like mine. Support from people who understand the severity of these kinds of diseases. I do not trust myself right now. Now that I've experienced this breakdown in my wellbeing, I don't know if it is safe for me or for my family to have another child. Anyone can see that I am being thoughtful and considerate of this situation. I'm not just saying, oh this is too hard, I'm going to terminate. I'm saying, my current child isn't getting the best of me, so maybe it's not responsible to add to this situation right now. I guess if you haven't walked in my shoes you can't understand.