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Why "health" anxiety?

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Posted 9/3/2014 11:01 PM (GMT 0)
I have been suffering with all health anxiety all of my life. And as I read through all these posts, it seems like most of us suffer from the health anxiety more than anything else. I wonder sometimes why we are all convinced we are dying of something. And it doesn't seem to matter if all the docs in the world tell us we're ok, we don't believe them, we are sure they must have "missed" something. Is it that we are suffering so much mentally that we think something dreadful or terminal must be happening inside our bodies. Is it that somehow we feel we deserve to be punished for some reason? I have never been able to figure out the reason OR to overcome my insistence that I must be dying of something, especially a type of cancer. So, bottom line, most of us seem to be deathly afraid of cancer....is THAT what causes our anxiety? I was in the hospital with Rheumatic Fever when I was 7 and a little girl, age 4, was in the next bed with a hugely swollen stomach. They took her into surgery one night and when she came back I heard her father say "she has cancer" and even though I didn't really know what cancer was, I KNEW it was something bad. Since that day I have always had a fear of getting it. I am now 67, always been healthy yet always thought I was dying....what a waste of life. However, I'm still not cured. Now that i'm older, I'm SURE I must now have it...it's time isn't it I figure? Yet too afraid to go to the doctor and find out. What a coward. So instead I continue to suffer with terribe anxiety when deep down I know that, in my case, if I went and found out I was ok, maybe the anxiety would go away....and maybe I don't want it to go away because I feel I deserve it. What a vicious cycle.
Posted 9/3/2014 11:10 PM (GMT 0)
You said it! Vicious cycle. I used to have terrible health anxiety, and I still do jump to conclusions when I don't feel good. But I can usually put it aside. I do believe that I think I "deserve" the anxiety, for some reason or another. We've never really gotten to the bottom of that in my therapy sessions, unfortunately. I have a pretty decent life, besides having anxiety, so maybe I feel like it's life evening out. I just hope we can all figure it out one day:)
Posted 9/3/2014 11:42 PM (GMT 0)
Andwes.....I can remember even as a teen worried I was having a heart attack all the time, every palpitation was me about to die from heart attack....Im pretty sure losing my Dad from heart failure when I was 10 triggered this fear that I would meet the same end. Of course the panic attacks confirmed I was about to die......fast forward I am 43 now....and the most stupid thing is that after years of being anxiety free.....what triggered this latest round of anxiety and panic is I had an unusual pain in my head....the waves of panic flooded in because of course I thought I was having a stroke....Im sure that knowing I now have hypertension has heightened my fear that some sort of heart attack or stroke is lurking around the corner.....what a waste of life I agree....and just like you the older you get now IT MUST be about to happen....arrrghhhh. Logically we know it is ridiculous being like this....but there is nothing logical when your in the grips of anxiety and panic....so I totally get what your saying....hang in there #hugs
Posted 9/4/2014 2:43 AM (GMT 0)
Yep Andwes you nailed it! I have had health anxiety all my life. I'm terrified of the big C. As I age it just gets worse:(
Posted 9/4/2014 4:07 AM (GMT 0)
i never had any health anxiety but general anxiety over small stuff which lately became panic attacks,now i know what it means as i am worried for my raising SUGAR numbers and i am panicky bog time as i tend to eat unhealthy in stressful times.

its like never ending circle but only i can end it .

mid age crisis or what i wonder ../
Posted 9/4/2014 4:57 AM (GMT 0)
I read this post hours ago and I've been thinking a lot about it. For myself I think it's a few different things. I've had a bit of anxiety for a long time, but it really got out of control after having kids and developing hyperthyroidism. My thyroid issues are currently under control but the anxiety has not faded although it does goes through highs and lows. Ever since that started I worry about pretty much every thing I feel and boy have I felt a lot of things over the past 5 years. Before I worried about my health I found other things to worry about. Not related to my health but always somehow related to mortal danger. The Mayan calendar, flying, tornadoes. It was always something. I think a huge part of it was accepting that I did not believe in God. For years I have considered myself agnostic, but for years before that I tried really hard to convince myself that I believed in God. I went to church on my own as a teen, I read every book by C.S. Lewis, I talked to others about their beliefs. In the end it just never felt right to me. I'm 30 now, and while that seems young to some I am finally beginning to feel like I'm growing older and it scares me. The idea of no longer existing scares me. It's something I'm still attempting to make peace with. I'm scared that one day I'll be in my 80's (both my grandmothers, all of their siblings and parents have lived to be between 85-95 do that makes me hopeful) and I'll have to look back at years and years wasted on fear. Oddly enough I never worry about Cancer, which is weird because there is a lot of it in my family.

I think that anxiety is a part of who I am. I think it probably always has been but that certain things have triggered it over the years. I think another reason I suffer from anxiety is because I feel greatly under-stimulated. My whole life people have told me how smart I am. Tests tell me how smart I am.. I probably could have done anything I wanted, but I don't feel smart and I've never been motivated. All I feel is pressure to be something but I haven't been able to do anything and it makes me feel like a **** up. I don't pretend to understand how the brain works but I suspect these things have a huge affect on my anxiety levels.
Posted 9/4/2014 9:17 AM (GMT 0)
Yeah my main reason for my periodical anxiety and panic episodes is HA, mostly. I am also very scared of the big C, seeing bad examples like young people died from it out of no where, effected me a lot it seems.
Even though, C isn't a big health topic in my family, aside from Kidney and Blood Pressure issues.

I found that strenghtening my body, boosting my immune system and living a healthy life helps me feel better in terms of "doing my best" to prevent some sicknesses (I was also recommended to do so here in forums before). Though, we don't have full control over health issues, I prefer trusting my body taking care of the diseases rather than eating myself day by day for a non-existing disease. I read before in many articles that, a strong immune system can even detect C cells when they are very small and kill them without you knowing it.

But I must say, it's very hard not to think about all of those symptoms we have during anxiety.
Oh yeah, it's a nasty vicious circle. I use medication, it really helps. It's just to pass that first 3-4 weeks -.-' you all know what I mean :)
Posted 9/4/2014 9:47 AM (GMT 0)
Interesting to hear all your posts....there are so many things mentioned above that I suffer with too. It's funny that during periods of being anxiety free, I can't imagine ever feeling that way again, then BAM it comes out of seemingly nowhere and debilitates me as much as it ever did! I currently have had a pain in my neck for months (I think it's probably from my 100 lb dog pulling me on the leash) but I'm convinced it's lung cancer that is spreading to my neck and head. Even when you can put a logical reason to a health issue, you figure it HAS to be the worst scenario.

The only positive about all this is that I think it's wonderful that we can all share our stories and get some level of comfort from knowing we're not alone. I'm currently on Xanax (low dose) that I take primarily in the morning when my anxiety is the worse, but I haven't been seeing my therapist in quite awhile because I KNOW he really doesn't understand and all he really seems to want to do is prescribe more or different meds, that's it. He doesn't even remember half the things I told him in previous sessions, even with my file in front of him. But all of us here DO understand so it becomes my best therapy. I woke up this morning feeling particularly anxious so the first thing I did to calm myself was to go on this site and write. None of us know eachother, we come from all walks of life, all ages, and all corners of the world, yet we have a bond that connects us better than any family member, friend or doctor can match. I am very grateful to have found this site, have been using it for many years now and will continue to do so. AND, it also helps me to know that maybe I'm helping someone else in a similar circumstance. So I guess we do have something to be thankful for as we try our hardest to get through this horrible affliction day by day.
Posted 9/4/2014 9:59 AM (GMT 0)
and to continue....maybe it all started with some life event, maybe it's something lacking in our brain chemistry...who knows. And it doesn't really matter, does it. The fact remains, it's a curse we were saddled with for some reason and all we can do is fight the good fight, try hard to laugh at ourselves sometimes with all our crazy thoughts and fears, pray if we're believers, and share our stories on here for support that we're not "crazy." A therapist (not my current one) said to me one time that mental illness is a very "selfish" disease because we get so trapped within our own minds and thoughts, that it leaves little time for the pleasures of the outside world. But he also said that the people he's met over the years with anxiety are some of the kindest people in the world. Seems like a contradiction yet I can see both of those sides when I read posts (and look at myself too). I'm consumed daily with MY thoughts and MY fears that I can't find time to enjoy much else in life . Yet at the same time I LOVE to visit this site and commiserate with others in the same situation and hope that I can help them, as their suffering truly bothers me too and I wish I could alleviate it, just like I wish I could alleviate my own.
Posted 9/4/2014 10:11 AM (GMT 0)
Cianna - I read your post and realize that the God issue has also played a big part in my anxiety. i was raised in a very strict Catholic family and Catholic schooling did a big number on me, to the point where I completely rebelled around age 20 and never went to church again and pretty much put God out of my life. Over the years I have come to realize that I DO believe in God (in some form) or a high power, it's just organized religion that I am so against. I think if it's something that another person feels comfortable with, they should embrace it, but for me it's just talking to God in my own way, hoping that He is out there somewhere always willing to help me.
Posted 9/4/2014 11:06 AM (GMT 0)
Andwes I exactly think like you, when it comes to belief but I never put the creator (or whatever you may call it xD) a part of my life. I actually believe humans keep on living in a different dimension after dying, in a spiritual way (OK Kookoo alert! LOL) Even though, I fear death and this is the biggest irony in my life. I am a spiritual person who believes in the power of mind and it's effects on body but I understand you very well, it's very hard to convince ourselves when it comes to feeling anxious and panicky.

But then again, everything is in our hands and control actually. It's just, too hard to do it. Therapy sure helps a lot. I am trying to search more about the medical side of our problem, like thought patterns (neuroplasticy) and chemicals in our brains, so that I can find a permanent solution.

I sometimes envy those very old asian martial arts masters (white bearded flying guys in Kung-fu movies), who are in harmony with everything and accepting the whole world, welcoming whatever life brings to them...
A different level of consciousness, right? :)
Posted 9/4/2014 1:08 PM (GMT 0)
As most of you know by my ongoing posts, I too suffer from health anxiety. And it's mostly cancer related. The other day I thought I had pancreatic caner (still have this fear!). This morning my IBS kicked in so I'm certain I have colon cancer. And being older (over 55!!) I feel as though one of these times it's going to be "the real thing". I don't know how I would cope with that. And sadly, I'm wasting the good years of my life worrying about having cancer. I can't say how I came about to have health anxiety. My family has lived long lives. Even those with cancer died in old age. Maybe I worry about it because I don't like surprises. I figure if I worry about it I'll be prepared when it actually happens. Which I'm certain won't be the case. Without health anxiety, I would be so much happier. This site helps me so much as I'm connected with people who understand. I so wish none of you were suffering with this but everyone here is a Godsend. You understand and care where most people just think I'm goofy. They think the anxiety is something you can just shut off. If only . . .
Posted 9/4/2014 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
I had HA since I was a tot up until about 2 years ago. I'm now 51. That's a lot of years.

I think at least one aspect to it has to do with self-preservation, and HA being a manifestation of loss of control.

We're strong, because we've managed to live many years with nothing happening yet still convince ourselves something's lurking underneath. That's pretty harsh and stubborn if you think about it.

If there's something "dreadfully wrong" we'll have an excuse or reason to feel so crummy. It's almost like we're waiting for a dx to justify all these years of worrying.

I, too, see how common it is and it's a running thread for so many of our members....it helps to hear from others and to realize that you're not alone, not even a little bit.











M.
Posted 9/4/2014 1:57 PM (GMT 0)
Do you know that people who have anxiety disorder are actually VERY SMART people? The research suggested that the participants with anxiety disorders, the higher their worry level, the greater their IQ score was. SO ALL YOU SMARTIES OUT THERE! Dont you look down on yourself! :)

Imagine. We often feel overwhelmed by the anxiety (negative thoughts) and took the beatings to ourself, felt defeated etc. Because we have a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong. Imagine, if we replace the anxiety with (positive thoughts) WE WOULD FEEL INVINCIBLE INSTEAD!

Anxiety people are actually mentally strong people, we do not feel that way because we often think ourselves as the most negative ones, no confidence in overselves and we didnt believed in ourselves.

Please believe, all of you here have a strong pair of invisible wings on your back... You are in fact an eagle believing you are just a chick. Look yourself in the mirror now and YOU ARE AN EAGLE! SEE YOUR INVISIBLE PAIR OF STRONG WINGS.. YOU ARE A STRONG EAGLE! NOW SOAR YOUR WINGS, BE FEARLESS!
Posted 9/4/2014 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
To Rrakkma - My son, who is now 23, has what i consider a very healthy attitude toward God. He has studied the Buddist philosophy alot in recent years, is kind, compassionate and sweet soul and believes now that God IS nature itself. After all, in the Bible it says "God is everywhere" and unless we believe there are 30 trillion Gods watching over us at every given minute, I think nature makes more sense. Look at the crazy weather that's been occuring in recent years. Is this God lashing out at all the wars that are continuing to go on in this world? I wonder sometimes myself and recently have a much more appreciation of nature.
Posted 9/4/2014 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Getting back to the health anxiety thing.....this one will give you a laugh (or make you shake your heads). about a year ago I started to notice a distinct change in my eyesight, left eye especially. I've worn prescription glasses since age 45 but then when I lost a pair, I've been buying them at the drugstore ever since. Well I've been just letting it go and letting it go becaues of course, being phobic about going to the doctor, I'm sure he's going to tell me its a tumor behind my eye instead of just cataracts (which the symptoms indicate). Well I have finally had to make an appointment for an eye exam but not until October 16th - because I've convinced myself that I "need time to prepare". In the meantime I can't see **** out of that eye, cant drive at night and see very poorly in low light. Just to type all these posts I have to close my left eye!!!!! Now THAT's a person with an issue, I have to admit. And then if I have a cataract I'll have to have a physical before surgery so that will drive me right over the edge. I think they'll have to put me in an drug induced coma to get me into the docs office!!! I have discovered that I'm my own worst enemy in the truest sense of the expression and it makes me really dislike myself. I'm hoping that once I make that step to get my eyes checked out that maybe this unending anxiety will subside a little too. In the meantime, I think I should change my "handle" to andwesthecoward. arrrrgh.
Posted 9/5/2014 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
I have suffered from this for as long as I can remember too. I've thought I've had just about every disease possible. It was easier when I was younger. I used to be able to make myself feel a little better by reminding myself that I was young and that the likelihood of having any of the diseases I thought I had was low. Now that I am "older", I just turned 39, that isn't working as well. Every little twing or strange feeling is something ominous. I hate feeling like this. Like someone mentioned before, look at how much time living is spent worrying about something that hasn't happened. I remember reading a post on here a while back where someone was talking about their uncle/grandfather that had HA and was convinced they were going to die from cancer. Spent his whole life worrying about it. Then died in his 90's of something else.
Posted 9/5/2014 9:40 AM (GMT 0)
That's the key phrase right there: Spent his whole life worrying about it.

Worrying that we have X,Y or Z does not make any impact (except usually give us upset tummies and unhappiness at the other end of our bodies!)

All the worry in the word does nothing but make us sick and doesn't do a thing to prevent any disease.

I know it's frustrating because once we've convinced ourselves we do NOT have "X" then suddenly all the symptoms of "Y" pop up.

But we could be at this the rest of our lives, worrying about things.....instead of living and using that imagination to think, "Wow, what if I feel really awesome today!! Wouldn't that be cool?" And work towards that.

Baby steps, baby steps. One day at a time.

And above all, padlock yourself out of dr. google and learn to trust your docs!










M.
Posted 9/6/2014 12:44 PM (GMT 0)
I know Merrida, the irony of that man that worried all his life is why that particular post has stuck with me. Could you imagine? Being 90 and realizing that all that worry was for nothing? It's like when I go on a trip. I fret before, during and on the way traveling home. It isn't until AFTER the trip that I look back and enjoy it. But, that has always been one of my biggest hurdles....staying present. I work on it. Some days I do it better than others, but I try. :)
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