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Bad/ unwanted thoughts. Fear of losing my mind

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Posted 10/23/2011 7:25 AM (GMT 0)

I just recently joined the group, but have been reading different posts/ forums for some time now.  I have been having anxiety issues now for nearly 2 years.  My problems consit of Anxiety/ panic attacks and obsessive thoughts.  I don't necessarily have bad/ unwanted thoughts, but I have a fear that I will have those thoughts(if that makes sense...).  The fear gets so intense that I begin to elaborate on these unwanted thoughts to the point that I then think that I am having that thought.... then the anxiety goes through the roof.

I guess my biggest fear is that I may lose my mind one day and just lose control of myself.  I don't have suicidal/ hurtful thoughts but Im scared that I may one day go crazy and have those thoughts.  I tend to avoid TV shows that have criminals or mental patients in them because I see what happened to them and then have anxiety.  I know that I will never consciously do wrong to another person or living organism, but my mind wanders on to unwanted thoughts and makes it almost impossible to quit thinking about the thought.  I feel like the absolute worst person in the world for allowing these thoughts to even be in my head.  I know that I would never act out these thoughts, but the fact of even having it in there scares me to death.

Sometimes I will have a thought get into my head and the harder I try to get it out the more I think about it.  I give myself even more anxiety because I have an amazing life and am not enjoying it to its full potential because of these thoughts.  I still haven't hit 30(pretty close though), have a 1 year old, an amazing wife who listens and helps me with my anxiety.  I have a great family and a fairly good job.  I don't have more money trouble than the next guy and my friends are always there to pick me up after a tough day.  I should be smiling ear to ear every second of every day, but then out of nowhere a thought will creep into my head and ruin my whole day because I won't stop thinking about it. 

 I consider myself a fairly rational person and know that normally a person who is afraid they are going crazy is probably not going crazy.  I read a couple other forums and people talked about OCD with these thoughts.  I tried to remember other times in my life when this happened and I remembered a time when I was a teenager that I obsessed about being scared of becomming a homosexual.  I have nothing against homosexuals and I have a few friends who are gay now, but at the time I was scared of having homosexual thoughts and I would have anxiety when I couldn't get the thoughts out.  Maybe it could be OCD???  I don't know...

Im sure by now if you are still reading you all probably think that I am nuts, but I am just a scared person clearing my chest in an attempt to win this constant fight with my anxiety/ many other mental problems.

What do you guys think?  Has anyone ever had unwanted thoughts?  If so, how have you stopped them?  I feel bad that my wife has to deal with my problems and I am fighting as hard as I can to fix it so we can go back to how things were when we first got married.  Thank you for listening!

Posted 10/23/2011 8:43 AM (GMT 0)
Some things that have helped me with this, first, thoughts aren't harmful, they're just thoughts. The whole key to anxiety is you're anticipating an uncertain future, one you can't predict or control. Realize that this is a perfectly normal reaction of a healthy human being. Your body is naturally reacting to certain stresses that are put on it, and it's pulling things back into balance. This is not always comfortable, but it is natural and restorative.

The biggest problem that people have with anxiety is that they dont realize they're often creating a self feeding loop. The original thing that disturbed you initially caused a panic like reaction, and as you started to recover from it over time, you start to panic over your reaction, not what the original stress was. your main source of feeling like youre losing your mind is simply the thought of losing your mind, in other words, it's all in your head. That should be somewhat comforting to realize, but in the meantime, you can can be proactive in helping yourself recover.

First, tell yourself to be patient. Remind yourself that the feeling is normal, but only temporary. Allow yourself as much time as you need to get over it. Secondly, go do something. Take a walk, listen to music, play a video game, hug your kid, and give your body and mind time to recover. Every time you overcome these discomforts, you get better at it.
Posted 10/23/2011 8:51 AM (GMT 0)
I was thinking about your wording. You use the word fight a lot, and I meant to talk about that. Fighting it is what usually keeps it going. Its the idea that something is not right and needs to be fought thats causing the loop I was talking about. Try to stop feeling the need to fight it and just let it pass naturally, give it the time it needs. In the meantime you can keep your body busy, but don't try to fight it emotionally.
Posted 10/23/2011 12:28 PM (GMT 0)
Hello JJohn

You are certainly not alone in thinking you may loose your mind!

After all, it is our thoughts that we tend to loose control of. Chaduke gave you some really solid advice. Have you tried a therapist? Maybe that is an option?

 

 I feel typically there are those of us that have thoughts that cause physical symptoms and we become afraid that we are going to have physical problems like panic or passing out in public, so we stress and worry all the time....as Chaduke put it " it puts us in a loop "

The key to that kind of worry and stress is to go with the flow, don't fight it or try to steer it or have a grip on it. By trying to do any of these things just feed the anxiety.

 

I used to feel something weird, light headed or tight chest or just something that didn't feel right...I would pay a lot of attention to it and next thing you know I would be anxious to the core. Now, I pay very little attention and even if it makes me a bit nervous...it tends to subside pretty quick.

 

For some, it seems they have many more thoughts and not just thoughts about how they physically feel, but racing thoughts or non stop thinking about every detail of their life and what to do or not to do. This is where I think a therapist could help a lot or support group...just something a little more aggressive than just trying to figure it all out on our own.

 

It takes time and patience to change the way we think. Knowledge of how anxiety works and the adjustments to make are a must. Without the knowledge we have fear of the unknown and it's fear that drives the anxiety and thoughts......On the bright side, sounds like you have a great support group in your family and friends, that will go a long way in helping.....sounds like that alone are great positives to dwell on rather than negative things....look for the positive things and feed on that best you can. Good luck and best wishes......WM

Posted 10/23/2011 1:02 PM (GMT 0)
Hey John, welcome to the group dude.  I'm right around the same age as you and dealing with a LOT of the same issues.  I'm 26 and my anxiety/panic attacks started 2 years ago.  I don't normally read many posts on here as I found that a lot of them seem to make my anxiety worse.  But reading yours was a little different this morning for me.  What you describe is exactly the same exact day to day stressful crap that I put myself too.  I think that Wingman and Chaduke have some great points to help out though.  I struggle actually putting these tips into exercise but I definitely believe it's ways to get better.

First off if the thoughts are that obsessive and uncontrollable (trust me I know about this), definitely look into talking to a therapist if you haven't.  It helps, it will feel weird at first for sure.  I am just now...after about a year or so of on and off therapy, ok with and being able to accept the fact that I'm in therapy for my OCD/Anxiety.  One thing that Chaduke said too is the fighting it.  I've wasted 2 years of my life trying to fight it.  Trying to plow through it.  I would let thoughts just run through my head all day "tough times don't last, tough people do" "don't stop" "fall seven times, stand up eight", all these ridiculous motiviational thoughts in the midst of all my self doubting/worry/fearful thoughts.  Everything gets jumbled up together sometimes man and I definitely feel your pain.  Truth is though, all that pushing and fighting is no good.  In my situation I became totally focused and OCD'd over education and work.  Which isn't bad I guess, but I would let it get to the point where if I made a mistake or did bad on a test or anything I would totally blame it on my lack of concentration and feeling like things around me are unreal, then I'd blame it on the anxiety, then I'd worry that it's not anxiety and that it's me going crazy, then the lights start looking dim and bothering my eyes and sounds begin to sound muffled...(panic attack).  See this retarded cycle I put myself in?

In honesty though, I don't have an answer for you quite yet on how to beat this man.  I wish I did, I really and honestly wish I did.  I'd love nothing more then to be able to figure this out and get back to just living my life without fear of my mental state.  It's pretty rough working a full time job/night classes for my accounting degree/and still trying to keep my social ilfe in order all the while constantly questioning when am I officially going to snap and lose it?  Answer is it's more then likely never going to happen.  Like you said, if you worry that you're going crazy....it's pretty much gauranteed that you're not going to go crazy.

I'd definitely look into finding a therapist that you can talk to, and don't feel bad about bouncing around until you find one that you're comfortable with.  I've seen about 4-5 in the last 2 years and can honestly say I think I found the right therapist this go round.  Seems to understand exactly what I feel when I'm having the crazy OCD/panic attacks.  And man are they unreal sometimes, it feels like you're not even alive like you're just dreaming or floating or whatever.  Really scary crap lol.  Hang in there though man, you seem like a good dude and got a good family and friends behind you.  Just try and roll with it and try to keep yourself busy with things that you enjoy doing.  Not sure if you're on meds or not, I personally don't ilke meds and have been resisting them....but I have found that xanax has helped me when I'm really having a bad problem with my OCD.  I know its addictive if taken for a long period of time so it's something I am careful with, but if it helps me feel ok for the meantime while I'm going to counseling and working on it, I don't see a problem with that.  I think that's something you could look into as well.  Best of luck to ya man.

Posted 10/23/2011 2:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi JJohn and welcome:) You have received some great advice and support here already (yeah!) so I just wanted to say welcome.

If you would like, we have a great Resource Guide to check out (main page 3rd post) It has some links to self-help techniques such as breathing and relaxation exercises. Practicing these daily really helps to reduce over alll stress levels.

If you continue to suffer with anxious thoughts, I do second WM's advice of seeking therapy. It has helped so many members here to deal with their anxiety and start to feel better about life:)

Post anytime with us.

Scaredy Cat
Posted 10/24/2011 12:08 AM (GMT 0)
Chaduke, Wingmand, Mike, and Scaredy Cat,

Thank you all for your reply.  I don't wish bad things on you, but I feel so relieved just knowing that I'm not the only person with these problems.  It also feels good to know that even though we don't know each other...you care enough about me to help me out.

I am going to try some of the suggestions that I recieved.  I have just recently talked to some semi-pro therapists and I plan on continuing my therapy.  I have also just recently started Yoga along with meditation and it seems that the anxiety part tends to leave quicker once I realize its happening.  

Most of the time that I have the thoughts I will rationalize and understand that there is no need to worry and the thought/ feeling of anxiety will go away.  I would just like to never have to deal with it you know??? (Cake and eat it, haha).

I know that I am not cured and I still have a long road ahead of me, but just writing down my story and your reply's make me feel like a weight has been lifted.

Thank you all again for your help and caring.  Will update and talk soon. 

Posted 2/13/2013 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
Hi All,

Some great advice here. I just wondered whether anyone had overcome their issues and/or could offer some tips/further advice in light on your experiences since these posts back in 2011.

The story here sounded so familar. I'm currently going through exactly the same as JJohn, and am suffering bouts of anxiety and strange fearful feelings which scare the hell out of me. They seem to appear every few weeks (so I guess I should be happy with the restful breaks in between) but for for no reason (although the last 18 months have been stressful with the birth of our baby daughter).

Any advice would be so appreciated.

Thanks
Matt
Posted 2/13/2013 5:05 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Matthew and welcome!

I am sorry that you are struggling with anxiety and fearful thoughts and feelings. It is miserable to go through this, I know.

What have you tried in terms of relief? Have you looked into either medication and/or therapy?

I benefitted so much from CBT. It is a form of therapy that helps you to change the negative thinking patterns into positive rational ones, thus reducing the resulting anxeity.

I would really recommend looking into it if it is a possibility. It is well worth the investment and time!

Keep posting with us as well. It is beneficial to be connected to a community who understands and cares.

Talk to you soon,

Scaredy Cat
Posted 8/7/2014 9:26 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everyone, I'm 16 years old and I suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks... I've been searching the internet for a few weeks now to find helpful answers to why my problems are so bad at points and found that this thread is very helpful to look at.

about 4 months ago(15 at the time) I was playing Xbox when I suddenly felt myself vibrating in the chair and for some reason felt my heart. I had no previous knowledge of any heart problems but it was just an instant reaction to do so. My heart was beating extremely fast for God only know why. I decided to drink some water and then told my father what was happening and he handled it very well (even though he was really scared inside) by telling me to go outside/ take warm shower. None of this worked and I still had very fast heartbeat and was really jittery so we decided to go to the emergency room. After about an hour of testing on my heart/blood/urine everything came back fine with no problems. Though the doctors said everything was fine, I still seemed to be very scared about the whole situation the next couple days. I would talk to my mom about it and she said I was just having anxiety which i never really had before in my life. We ended up going to heart specialist and again all test came back with nothing wrong but there was still something scaring me.

The next 2 months or so I would say I had really bad anxiety/panic attacks not just because of my heart but my whole body also. I was scared by the smallest things happening to my body and would think the worst case scenario all the time. My mom was very comforting during these hard times because she personally has had anxiety in the past so she understands what I'm feeling. She has gotten me through many nights of constant anxiety and I dot know what I would do without her. After about 2 months my mom decided that we would go see a therapist, but an hour before my appointment I called it off for some reason thinking that a therapist wouldn't help. The anxiety about something happening to my body after this time(around a month ago) has really gone away and I can handle it by myself now.

Here's where we get to why I'm on here. about 1 1/2 months ago I started getting weird words stuck in my head and I would constantly think about it (I think you can consider this OCD?). I always think that I'm going insane because random things pop in my head like crazy and sometimes it's impossible to completely control my mind. This really scares me that I feel like I'm going crazy and there's ways I can get my mind off of it but it seems to always come back again. I still talk to my mom about this stuff and she is very comforting about it but she really doesn't have the answer I'm looking for with this unlike how she helped get rid of my other anxiety. These past couple nights I have had trouble going and staying asleep and haven't really had a good nights rest in what feels like forever. I'm scared, I love life, I love my family and friends and don't want to lose this because I losing my mind. If anybody is still on here it would be unbelievably appreciated to me if you can help me out with this, thanks for reading all of this lol I know it's a lot.
Posted 8/7/2014 10:36 AM (GMT 0)
hi JJohn,

same situation here. maybe its just due to daily stress thats why we have these obsessive thoughts. i dont also watch tv shows which has killing or mental illness with it because its too scary for me.
Posted 8/7/2014 12:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi JJohn

I am glad you have found this forum you will get good support here from our members who will be able to relate to what you are going through so do stay with us and keep posting we are here to listen and help when we can.

I have a diagnoses of OCD and get the exact same intrusive thoughts as you do so understand how scary and debilitating those thoughts can be. I would recommned your first port of call should be your doctor be as open with them as you can and explain what you are going through. They can then offer you help which may be medication or therapy.

For me medication and therapy have really helped me get in control of my life but it is an ongoing process so I take each day as it comes and try and live in the moment. There are a number of therapies which may help such as CBT or Mindfulness you will be able to find information on both on the web or here by typing in the search engine top right.

I hope you feel better soon and well done for posting here keep us informed of how you are doing and if you have any further questions then feel free to ask.

Hibee
Posted 8/7/2014 2:31 PM (GMT 0)
My anxiety first started as blasphemous thoughts it then manifested itself into health anxieties.
Posted 8/7/2014 5:29 PM (GMT 0)
Hello Trav and welcome!

I am so sorry you are going through this.;(

I do second Hibee's advice and seeing your doctor for guidance. Medication and/or therapy can be used to treat this issue...there is help and hope!

Meanwhile, see our Resources at the top of the main page. There is information, self-help tips and great material of anxiety/OCD, ect... to be found there.:)

Keep posting with us as well...we understand and care!

S.C.
Posted 9/26/2014 1:02 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everybody, just wanted to say how I've been doing since my last post about a month ago. My anxiety has almost fully gone away at points. I no longer fear that my heart will fail, and don't think that I'm going insane anymore, I just have reall bad racing thoughts sometimes. Recently I've have had trouble though, at nights I have trouble telling myself to go to sleep, and when I do go to sleep I sometimes suddenly wake up and forget who, what, where I am for a couple of seconds. I also just feel out of it all the time. I've thought that I have bipolar disorder because I have low points and then high points all the time but my mother has said that my symptoms would be much more severe if I did have this disorder.
I don't know why but today I've been feeling really out of it and it has scared me. I've been having unwanted thoughts coming through my head and really can't seem to think straight no matter what. I have also pondered about running away from home, thinking that it will get rid of my problems. The only thing holding me back from running away is that I love my family too much to do that to them.
If anybody can give me some advice on how to get out of this weird mood in which I always feel out of it it would be greatly appreciated.
Posted 9/26/2014 2:00 AM (GMT 0)
Hello Trav. I'm glad to hear that your felling better than you were. That really is great news! We all have off day, so dont worry about that if you can't help it. We all get them and they eventually pass.

As for running away I urge you not to consider this. Running away feels like the easy way out but it's much harder than it seems. No matter where you go you can't get away from who you are. Your much better off surrounded by people who love and understand you, because that in itself can be rare for people who suffer from anxiety.

Anxiety can give you the urge to get away and that's unfortunately a normal thing to feel when suffering from it. The best advice I can give is just to try your best not to focus on the way you feel on your "off" days. Find something to do I keep yourself occupied. It can be hard when your feeling bad but it really can help.
Posted 9/26/2014 11:44 AM (GMT 0)
I have read all the above posts and it just makes me realize, not only does this site provide fantastic advice and support, but that we all suffer so many similar symptoms of our anxiety and panic. I can't add much to the great advice provided in all the above posts, but I just want to add that I started with anxiety at the ripe young age of SEVEN and I am now 67 years old! I have had years of no anxiety at all and periods of terrible health anxiety, panic, obsessive thoughts, you name it...just like so many of you experience. But you WILL NOT GO CRAZY....I am a testament to that fact. Somehow I was able to raise three wonderful sons, worked for 40 years at a great job and now am enjoying my first two grandsons (twins age three). I have ALWAYS suffered from health anxiety, even when I thought I was anxiety free I would still think I had some terminal disease. Yet here I am, all these years later and, ironically, I've always been fairly healthy in reality. For me anxiety ebbs and flows....I have long periods of feeling completely normal and then, like right now, I've been going through anxiety for months. It's still almost as painful but at least I know what it is, and somehow manage to get through it knowing it will pass. I guess I do worry more lately about illness since, after all, I'm now 67 and think (foolishly) that I SHOULD have something wrong, but I keep talking to myself and eventually realize that's not the case, it's just the same old health anxiety rearing it's ugly head once again. So try try try to stay positive when these times overtake you...you are not a freak, your symptoms are shared by so many of us and all they mean is for whatever reason we have another illness that can't be diagnosed by taking your temperature and having a definitive test like a CT scan, but it is an illness nonetheless, and one that those of us who share it with you can only understand. As has been said before, people with anxiety are some of the kindest, most compassionate and oftentimes most intelligent people you will ever meet. But no one knows but us how we still suffer silently most of the time. I wish you all good luck and good thoughts.
Posted 9/26/2014 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Trav and welcome back.:)

I too am glad that you are feeling better in general...though sorry that the intrusive thoughts are giving you some trouble today.

Here is a good link to help work through those. The worksheet can help you to take any thought that is bothering you and break it down using the steps provided.

Therapy Work Sheets:

http://www.get.gg/freedownloads2.htm



This takes the power away from the intrusive thought...and puts it back in your hands!

We have other great self-help ideas in our Resources (main page, 1st post) Please take some time and look through at all of the coping skills there...they work!!

Keep posting...we are here to support.:)

S.C.

Posted 10/31/2014 6:47 AM (GMT 0)
Hey everybody, just wanted to update you guys on how I've been doing the past month. I have to point out what andwes said in a previous post was truly heart-touching and think that's great to hear from someone. Ok so now, after my last incident in which I literally thought I was insane, I didn't have another anxiety attack for about 3 weeks which was a very long time for me. I still had the constant thought of it in my head like always, but I was usually able to brush it off and go about a normal life. Recently though, in the past two weeks or so, I've had really up and down days. As I stated in my previous post how I had trouble going to sleep and was always out of it, this has gotten even worse now because of some of my thoughts. I have no idea why, but for some reason I can't get the thought out of my head that's saying "is life even real". For some reason this keeps sticking in my head and is scaring me more then ever before in my life because I feel like this can really destroy my mind if it doesn't go away. I've been questioning some of my own actions recently saying to myself "why did I just do that" which also creeps me out. Some days and moments I feel great and don't think about this stuff nearly at all, then other days it keeps me more scared then ever in which I can't even make myself go to sleep. These past few days have been a mix of good/bad, while the nights have been terrible because of my sleeping pattern. I keep taking naps everyday after school and end up staying up all night and this really has affected me in a negative way because I have really bad anxiety at night. I know the sleeping pattern doesn't help, but I'm looking for advice from you guys on the "is this even real" thing. If anybody can help me out with this, it would be hugely appreciated.

Post Edited (Trav11) : 10/31/2014 12:50:07 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/31/2014 10:31 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Trav11

Good to see you back and thanks for giving us an update of how you are doing. It sounds like you have been on that roller coaster of up's and downs which seems to be the norm when you are dealing with an anxiety disorder, your lack of sleep definitely won't be helping things so if that could be improved I think you will find some relief. I did a thread on sleep hygiene not long ago you should be able to find it buy using the search engine top right of the page check it out.

I have experienced those feelings of "is this even real" a lot and I think it's called depersonalisation which usually resulted in me getting really bad paranoia. I would suggest that you go and speak with your doctor about this and see what they suggest there are things that can be done to help and your doctor should know about these and inform you of them.

Stay with us and keep posting.

Hibee
Posted 7/17/2017 2:51 PM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

I came across this post after searching online to see what may be causing my recent situation.

I grew up my whole life a hypochondriac with anxiety really bad. Since I was young until now I've been to the doctors countless times.

I now in my mid 30s I am married and had a daughter a year and a half ago. As with all parents our sleep patterns change so I haven't had a good solid night of sleep since my daughter was born.

I also work pretty much all the time because I am an entrepreneur. I juggle multiple businesses and have startups that have been in progress for the past year.

about 2 months ago I had a bad dream and that dream scared the crap out of me. Since then my thoughts have been off if that sounds right. Some days I fine and some days are off.

When I feel off, I feel weird. I don't feel fully excited and I start thinking deep thoughts about the world. I don't have bad thoughts of harm or anything but I get racing deep thoughts. My anxiety kicks in and then I feel down and somewhat depressed. I feel like my mind is foggy or like I in a dream state at times.

When I was younger I would love to travel, now I can't travel as much to the places that I liked going to because I get bad anxiety and panic attacks when I go to unfamiliar places far from home and also I developed asthma through seasonal allergies in my early 30s, so humid tropical weather makes my asthma worse. So that's made it harder for me too because I can't do something that I used to love doing.

It's terrible. Since I was a kid, if I seen someone who had a heart attack, I would think I was going to have one. If I seen someone who had cancer I think I was going to have it too. As I got older I can't watch horror movies or TV shows that show anything with terrifying because I'll think it's going to happen to me.

I know that I have anxiety and panic attacks, however this new development of feelings and thoughts are terrible. I don't know if I am overthinking and making things worse.

My appetite has been off, I been feeling like I need to have a bowel movement more because of the anxious feelings that I'm having. I've also been fatigued more lately. I get about 7 hours of sleep (interrupted) and I always wake up feeling tired and exhausted. This morning I woke up at 4am seeing checking myself out to see my thoughts were back to normal since I went to sleep at 10pm last night and my daughter woke up briefly which woke me up at 4am.

I expressed my thoughts to my wife but not in detail because she'll think I'm overthinking and she doesn't want me to have more medical bills.

I hope my post made some kind of sense if you will. I tried to keep it together however I was typing this out on my phone while trying to get my daughter ready for the day. Any feedback that you can share will help a lot. Thank you for listening everyone. Have a great day.

Post Edited (MarkT72) : 7/17/2017 9:01:47 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/17/2017 4:54 PM (GMT 0)
Hello MarkT72 and welcome!

I have moved your post to its own thread. (and locked this old one)

You will be recognized more easily as a new member this way...and not lost at the end of an archived topic.

Please see my response there.😊

Scaredy Cat
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