i guess.........

hi guys.

i guess i am a little all over the shop with the passing of rob, and only a few weeks ago irene. it is times like this that i really miss my partner. i was in the shower racked with anxiety and breaking down a little. when this happens the negative chaotic thoughts come in, thus i am at the computer typing playing some live iron maiden!!! it really helps. i am reading the bands autobiography as well. most interesting. these are cathartic things for me.

expletive $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ this would solve a lot of stuff out and quickly. today i thought stuff it and i put some lotto on. yeah the special numbers and some random ones...........you got to be in to win it. skype is awesome...........but you can't get a kiss or a hug. expletive i am crying. can't see. i so wish that i could work and not on this bloody disability pension. it has been 13 years since i last was employed. for over 10 years i worked and was never late and sick once. i came in but was shoved in a taxi back home. my work ethic is strong and i am dedicated. i have in the past tried to re-engage with study but mentally i was not able to. i was at uni at one stage, had to leave and be put on the pension as i was severly unwell. i was proud that i made it to uni, i was a mature age student at the time. have done other academic work as well.

when i am better..............especially pain wise i hope to re-engage back into some volunteering again. i just want to be with my partner who is a big birdie flight away. he big birdie flight and expenses takes me a year to save, plus getting loans for insurance and travel money. geez my birthday is up soon.......just another day and year added. like xmas.......another day. i am getting all depressive. sorry. i will stop rambling. awaiting my surgery appt; seen the urologist a week or so ago, and i am on the list for some camera look see. maybe they will find something? i am hoping they do, then we can at least have a crack at fixing it.

i only get, sometimes 30 minutes of sleep here and there. the rest of the time is taken up with urinating. yeah, lovely topic, sorry. got my pain, eupd, bi-polar, diabetes my vision hormones and other rubbish continually going on. no pity party or anything-just getting jack of it. i can handle it for a while, then i break. i am breaking. a little trigger then i am stuffed. too many triggers at the moment. i hope everyone is doing okay. remember your coping skills. sorry for my ramble. needed it. my love to you all. thanks for listening and caring.

Hey H.T.

...big breath...one trouble at a time...

Though you have your share of challenges...your spirit is unstoppable...and your coping skill level is strong!

The nocturia, and resulting lack of sleep are surely hampering your moods and efforts to stay positive...so go ahead and vent, have a cry...whatever you need to do to let some feelings out...

You are pro-actively seeking answers to get that fixed up...so know that your progress will pay off! Getting good sleep again will be a HUGE step in the right direction!

The loss of mates takes time to heal from. Be patient with yourself and the process.

...and of course you miss your beloved!! I would say go have yourself checked out again if you didn't! ;) Again...you are working to be togehter a.s.a.p. Hang in there!

As far as working...you are still a young pup! There is time, and that season of your life will surely come around again. Keep your goals in sight. :)

We are here for you. Whether we are all joking around, or carrying one another during hard times. We are family...and that is how we do things!

Hugs and high fives,

S.C.

The happy turtle,

You are a fighter indeed. So proud to hear that you are still pushing forward even after all that you have been through. And in a HAPPY WAY at that. You are an inspiration to me, as I have been feeling down about my short-lived life of "tragedy." Raised in an abusive home, kicked out at 15, pregnant at 17, attempted suicide at 18, and just now, at age 32, when I have a life that I want to keep, all of this anxiety and health threatens to take it away. I'm just bummed. :( I hope to have a hopeful attitude like you some day soon.

Thanks for being the happy turtle.

Happy Turtle,

Wow Australian! You live in a country that does not welcome human beings (very dangerous) that alone is a big battle!

Thank you for sharing your story with us, you have inspired me!

Best of the luck "mate"!

If you do not control the enemy, the enemy will control you. _ Miyamoto Musashi

“In fighting and in everyday life you should be determined though calm. Meet the situation without tenseness yet not recklessly, your spirit settled yet unbiased. An elevated spirit is weak and a low spirit is weak. Do not let the enemy see your spirit.”
Miyamoto Musashi


Josh

thx guys. tma, good. josh, thx for sharing.

thx for your kind words my friends.

H.T.

Glad to hear that you had some time with feeling relaxed, and getting some things done.:)

Better news still about your BGL though!! Hopefully now that you are in a good place with your sugar levels, the lightheadedness will subside. I know how much work it is to stay balanced (hubby is Type 1) so great job, and keep up the good work for your health in that regard.

You really are an inspiration to all who know you my turtle friend. You persevere with an amazing outlook...such a quality to be admired! :)

S.C.

Sending you healing white light Tirtle, to envelop and heal you from head to toe. Xoxo

Sending love-
Lisa