I wish my sister and I were closer, it really really hurts.

Deb,

My sister and I are 8 years apart, her being older. I think it's wonderful that you liked your sister so much when you were kids. My sister did not want me anywhere near her, especially when she was in high school.
I think you have every right to be hurt that your sister wouldn't help you out. I would take your son for a night, and I'm almost a complete stranger! But some people are just so wrapped up in their own world to recognize what is really important.
I think you are the only one that can really decide if you want to continue to have a relationship with your sister. She doesn't sound like a very nice or caring sister, that's for sure. But she is your family. Sometimes it's hard being the bigger person. But if it is affecting your life negatively, something might need to change. I wish you the best!!

Deb

Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with how you feel? I feel like I have been hurt by everyone close to me.

I have two sisters and a half brother (we share the same dad). My brother was raised by his mom and actually had a relationship with our dad. My dad was never around when I was a kid.

I was a "low key" type boy and didn't require much attention. I was very "low maintenance" and most of my moms attention went to my sisters. (My half brother lived in a different household). My twin sister had a baby when she was just 16 so that took 100% of my moms time.

This carried over into adult life... As you know, I own a business and have several family members working for me. My mother puts the guilt trip on me each time I see her about how I treat my family that works for me... She thinks that they either need to be paid way more than what they're worth or put into a supervisory position. And the sad part is, the family that is working for me has nowhere the work ethic as some of my other employees!

I need to hear that she is proud of me instead she puts down my business decisions. She actually makes me feel guilty for having a large income. I didn't have any help starting this business 5 years ago and we have 50 employees... I must have done something right. My family calls me for loans and I give it to them and they avoid talking to me because they know they owe me. I never get paid back what I give out. I feel so unappreciated!

Let me tell you what I have learned!!!! The only ones I HAVE to keep happy are the ones that live with me... My wife and daughters! I have learned that I CANNOT make everybody happy and a huge weight was lifted the day I quit trying.

Focus on your husband and your son! Pay someone else to watch your son. Your family are the ones who missing out! Not you! Sometimes I think a complete stranger thinks more of me than my family, maybe this is my own insecurity - I don't know.

If you don't get nothing else out of what I have written then get this... ONLY INVITE, IN YOUR LIFE, THOSE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD! If your family constantly makes you feel bad then don't go around them. I realize this is hard and won't be easy!

It's sad but when I talk to my mother my anxiety goes through the roof so I have cut our 'contact' drastically. (And even though I love her very much)

Stay on here and continue to receive support and encouragement from your friends. Thank you for being "you" - we are so blessed to have you, Deborah :)

God bless

Cornell

Post Edited (Cornell) : 10/26/2014 11:24:07 PM (GMT-6)

I agree with Cornell here, Deborah. If things are going that way, you really have to focus on your son and husband. If you were willing to pay to your sister, you can also pay to someone else, who you can trust.
I always think it won't bring anything good if I push things and force them to happen as I want.

I can relate my relationship with my mom/dad/bro with what Cornell said. I was the sibling who didn't require many things and attention but my brother was. So my parents always thought that I could handle everything by myself because I was more "stronger" than my brother.

Though, everyone is human and need to see some attention as in action, not just words. I agree with you. I think that your mom also believes that you are a very strong woman and can handle things alone, so maybe not your sister.

Quoting Cornell here: "ONLY INVITE, IN YOUR LIFE, THOSE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD!" Even if all say "blood is thicker than water", which actually doesn't mean too much if they don't pay attention to you and give love.

Stay strong and we are always here for you! <3

I am so sorry this is so painful. There could be any number of reasons why she keeps her distance. Until she can share them, or even recognize them, it will be difficult. Could it be a generational thing? Maybe she doesn't see that you have things in common? Can you have a heart to heart with her? Sometimes it just depends on the circumstances and situation to determine the best course of action. I am sorry you are struggling friend!