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feeling so lost..

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Posted 12/10/2014 3:06 AM (GMT 0)
Feeling so lost. Alone. Unloved. Unwanted. Unappreciated. Like - I - don't matter😢 I get put down for no reason, then I get told to not run from my problems and take in what is being said, take in these 👉insults..?.. I'm sorry I can't just sit there when I'm getting told things that are clearly just to put down my self-esteem. I'm know who I am, and I no my worth. But when I have ppl that don't encourage me in life and don't bring me up it makes me question are they even worth it? Just because you see im doing things on my own and not melting down its just not right or what?? So they have to put me down every single way their cold heart tells them to....
I really believe how ppl ultimately treat others is how they feel inside about themselves. I know I'm getting treated so ugly because that person feels ugly inside, and you can tell, it doesn't take a genius to figure this person out...
but why dose that person have to hurt me with his words?? I literally feel my heartbreaking,💔 pieces falling piece by piece, chunks by chunks,..my mind feels so numb to thoughts and thinking.
I have an orientation for this job start tomorrow and this person knows how nervous I am already, had to talk myself out of not cancelling a couple of times. I get no support... Its like this person wants me to be an emotional wreck medicated up &out his way!!! Tired of letting ppl have a handle of my emotional state. Trying to make me feel wrong about my feeling?.... I'm sorry. I'm sorry I have anxiety!!!! I developed it as a kid when my dad got arrested and....he was no longer there to "keep me safe". I'm sorry there's bad ppl in this world that made me feel the way I do!!! I'm sorry that my ptsd kicks in when I Don't feel safe,loved,and wanted! I'm sorry that he detracts me from living a better life!!! I'm sorry ,I'm sorry, I'm sorry, its all my fault right??...
Posted 12/10/2014 4:39 AM (GMT 0)
Oh Mandy-

I am sending you much love & peace & a big hug.

I am sorry you aren't getting the support you deserve. Are you talking about your bf/husband. If so, how long have you been together?

If you're not getting support at home, come here & we've got your back until you figure out what you're going to do.

Are you seeing s therapist in addition to meds? It sounds like talking these things out could really benefit you.

You are a valuable & worthy person & you deserve only the best. You are strong & smart and you will overcome this. We care about & respect you.

I'm wishing you all the very best at the job orientation. Anticipatory anxiety is the pits but that's all it is- anticipation. You are going to be ok!

Big hugs!
Lisa
Posted 12/10/2014 4:58 AM (GMT 0)
Hello there, memandy!

I am sorry you are going through such a rough time... We both know, however, that nothing stays the same...things change, and there will be good days/times, too... so hang in there...

I would like to suggest something to you. You probably don't have to buy this book...if you have a local library, you may be able to check it out.

It's called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay. Read it right from the beginning so you get a good idea of what she went through... Just think about it, anyway. Its not that expensive brand new in paper back...

Sending you a hug,
Betts
Posted 12/10/2014 5:25 AM (GMT 0)
We love you Mm!!

You are so full of worth! Keep telling yourself that...and don't let anyone or anything take that from you.

Best wishes with you orientation tomorrow! You got this...rock it out! ;)

Let us know how it goes, okay?

Sending thoughts and prayers!

S.C.
Posted 12/10/2014 6:14 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time! It sucks to not get the support you need and deserve. Good luck with that orientation tomorrow. You will do great! Sending good thoughts and prayers.
Posted 12/10/2014 2:29 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you everyone for your support! I really do appreciate it, it means a lot to me, more then you could ever know. Makes me feel "not so lonely."


Lisa, yes I was talking about my husband. 7 years we been together, married for 3. He has a MAjOR impact on my life. &even if I'm not getting the support I truly need from him right now, I'm happy I have you all!! &yes anticipation is the worst!!!!

Betts, thank you for your support! I have a book checked out of my local library right now that my husband and I are both reading called Love and Respect. Someone also was nice enough on here to mention a book to me. And yes ! I will be checking out this one your mentioning. I'll take anything that helps at this point. I love reading, especially people /things I can relate to.

Scaredy😺 aaww I feel the love! lol thank you so much! My anxiety was really bad yesterday and has been like this for weeks. Its probably the reason why i was having terrible nightmares last night, my husband woke me from them because I was crying in my sleep..he held me and hugged me. Made me feel "safe." this morning before he left to work we prayed together and afterward he told me he knows he's not here for me like a husband should be but he promised that he will work on it a lot harder because he knows I need him. Made my mind a little at ease to hear that from him. But only time can tell, right??... Such a crazy night last night, but so much relief this morning. Thanks again!

Princessmel, thank you for your support though! And prayers!!! It means a lot to me.

Post Edited (MeMandy) : 12/10/2014 7:32:40 AM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/10/2014 3:36 PM (GMT 0)
MM.,

Glad that things were better last night and this morning! May it continue so,:)

Wishing you the best in your new job and orientation!  (sorry, I think I missed the post about you getting a job...congratulations!!)

Let us know how your first day went okay?

S.C.
Posted 12/11/2014 2:45 AM (GMT 0)
Been there- done that-living it- always someone in my life taking advantage of my good nature.
Stay strong. Your perceptions are correct. You can't be kept down because you have it in you to succeed no matter what the naysayers say.
I wish you all the best- knock em out at your orientation! You can do it!!!!
Posted 12/11/2014 4:00 AM (GMT 0)
Mandy you or your net worth as a fellow human on this journey
with us is not determined by any living person on earth.

Just you and God, the others are nice to have but they dont get to
make that decision for you, "I send you the Peace of our Lord".

Larry ***
Posted 12/14/2014 5:36 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the encouragement everyone. I don't know, it just seems so hard lately. So hard. This Monday (2days away) I have a class.. A six hour class for my CPR and First Aide card, (by the way the orientation went awesome!) but..... once again im finding myself trying not to let certain people crumble me with their words. Trying to fight off my anxiety is starting to get harder and harder everyday. I so badly do not want to start up medication again, but at this rate I might have to make an appointment with my doc. soon.....
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