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Feeling anxious about not feeling anxious

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Posted 1/18/2015 1:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hello everyone,

I am new to the forum and have logged on late at night in a bit of desperation. I have read an old thread from this group about the question I have which has been helpful, but would love to hear from anyone else who has experienced this.

I have been suffering with GAD and panic anxiety for a number of years now after some severe life traumas. I have had some periods of being able to cope again, but I always obsess about my health issues and dying, and about the thought of leaving my hubby and young children behind. Every day I have these thoughts and have to fight to convince myself that it is just my anxiety talking.

Then, all of a sudden I feel like I am coping these past few days. I still have the same thoughts, but they don't make me panic in the same way. This is very strange because these past few days I am awaiting to meet with my doctor about some potentially serious health issues. And now I am starting to worry about why I'm not panicking? It makes me start to worry that my body is preparing me for bad news so that I can cope with it. I feel like I'm going crazy!

Can anybody else relate to this? I am starting to wonder if I have just been so overly anxious these past few months about potential health issues that my body/mind is worn out and started to cope or shut down the anxiety, but the frustrating thing is that it only makes me feel more anxious. It's like the anxiety has been a part of my thought life for so long that it makes me anxious not to have it there.

Would love to know if any of you have experienced similar. Just knowing that others have felt the same will help me to worry less about it, rather than just coming to the conclusion that I'm about to receive bad news.

Thanks for listening/reading!

Hannah
Posted 1/18/2015 2:48 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hannah

First of a big welcome to the forum I am pleased you have found us and found some of the previous posts useful.

Sorry to hear you have been struggling with anxiety/panic I know how hard it is to deal with and if left can really take over your life. Health anxiety is one of the hardest to deal with and I can relate to what you said as I have experienced similar over the years.

I hope your doctors appointment goes well and keep posting here we are here to support you.

Hibee
Posted 1/18/2015 4:16 PM (GMT 0)
Hi FL and welcome!

I am sorry to hear of your anxiety struggles, and the worries that are cycling around in regards to your health.:( We understand what you are going through here, and have many members with similar challenges.

Your body and mind are not shutting down in preparation of anything...this is not the anxiety leaving you, resolved to your fate, or other harbinger of bad news manifesting itself.


...you are still worrying, the anxiety has just shifted, and now you are stressing about not worrying...but it boils down to the same thing essentially.

Our minds will move on from one concern, when they become saturated with a particular fear, often finding a new one...but then circling back again to the original one. ;/

Try to embrace the reprieve rather than fear it!

What have you done thus far for your anxiety management? Do you take meds, or are you in therapy...self-help?

We have an amazing collection of material, including help for health anxiety in our Resources here. It is at the top of the main page. Let me know if you'd like direct links, and I'll post them for you here.:)

Again welcome, and post with us anytime. We care...and support is key!

Scaredy Cat

Posted 1/18/2015 4:38 PM (GMT 0)
try mindfulness. healing thoughts.
Posted 1/18/2015 6:36 PM (GMT 0)
I can absolutely relate! I too have suffered from anxiety for so long that I feel anxious when I am not anxious..probably because it's something unfamiliar...for me to feel 'normal'. It sounds crazy but that's what anxiety does to people. When you are trapped for so long, you are scared to be free.
Posted 1/19/2015 5:27 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the responses - they have really helped over the past 24 hours.

In answer to your questions Scaredy Cat, my 2-day-old son died in 2011 which we were expecting, but was simply the hardest thing I have ever had to be a part of. After he died I was treated for Depression and PTSD with both meds and therapy. After about 12 months I was feeling well enough to try again for another baby and we fell preganant again. We were over the moon.

Unfortunately, at 34 weeks my little girl died in utero - she was perfectly healthy, but caught on the umbilical cord, so I delivered her still-born. Not long after that, my massive anxiety issues began. I received more therapy and went on to meds for both the anxiety and depression but progress was hard and slow. Because it has been so hard, my hubby and I were not really sure about trying again for another baby and I was leaning towards "no."

Then in July last year we fell pregnant unexpectedly and since then my anxiety is almost the worst that it's ever been as I still have 14 weeks left of this pregnancy. Everything with the baby is fine so far, but there are a few test results that the doctors a keeping an eye on to do with my health. Part of me knows they are being overly cautious given my history, but I have been almost bed-ridden with anxiety since learning I was pregnant. These potential other complications are doing my head in.

I currently have great support in my hubby and my GP and don't want to go on any meds, especially whilst expecting. I'm finding relaxation and breathing exercises to be very helpful as well as finding useful distractions. But it is still a long 14 weeks ahead of me. I'm also suffering from GERD for the first time in my life, and it is completely debilitating.

Please know I am being well looked after, but it is just a long hard road. Thanks for your concern. :)
Posted 1/19/2015 5:53 AM (GMT 0)
FL.,

I offer my sincerest condolences on the devastating losses of your children. It is understandably a part of your anxiety experience and journey.

I am glad that you had the good care that you did to help you come to terms with your grief. Healing and moving forward are difficult but necessary steps, and you have fought hard, so feel good about your progress

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Absolutely anyone could see how you would of course have struggles currently. However, I have every confidence that you can get through these last weeks before your delivery!

We will be here for you along the way if you'll allow us to support you. We have seen quite a few mommies through this.;)

Thank you for sharing with us, and keep posting...we are here to encourage and listen anytime.

S.C.
Posted 1/19/2015 12:01 PM (GMT 0)
As THE HAPPY TURTLE mention - Mindfulness... Google it..

You try to live in the NOW...As in, I'm here typing this message... I'm happy to be alive.... I'm not thinking about having a horrible day at the office.
Posted 1/20/2015 1:45 AM (GMT 0)
FunnyLady..I do the same exact thing!!!!! LAst week I went a few days in a row with tons of symptoms and feeling very anxious and then one morning I had an interview...and I was so calm and felt great...which totally freaked me out! All I kept thinking was Why am i not nervous and freaking out?! The whole interview I was secretly checking my pulse on the wrist because my heart wasn't pounding--which was very foreign to me! But in general when i'm feeling good and not anxious it makes me think that maybe it's a 'calm before the storm' or something. We can't win either way!!!!
Posted 1/20/2015 4:42 AM (GMT 0)
GMoon - it truly is awful. I hope your interview went okay!

S.C. Thanks for your thoughtful message. Already I'm so encouraged by being a part of this forum; and learning lots from all of your posts in various topics. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. I saw the doctor today and the result of one of my issues was that I have gall stones, which is not great news, but certainly less deadly than all of the other things I had imagined were the source of the problem. I still have some other issues they are looking into, but may amount to nothing, so I am feeling a lot more easy now. I just have to get through the rest of this pregnancy and then I will no doubt have my gall bladder out in the months to follow. :(
Posted 1/20/2015 5:01 AM (GMT 0)
My step-dad had his gallbladder out a couple of months ago, and at age 78 had the breeziest time possible!!

...so while not the news you necessarily wanted, it is something definitive that explains your symptoms, and is treatable!

We will go along with you in support...and we have several members who have gone through the same procedure, so feel free to post about this specifically if you like.

...and of course, we are here to cheer you through your last few weeks of pregnacny. I hope you are feeling great...if not short on room! ;p

Talk soon,

S.C.
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