Posted 1/29/2015 5:46 AM (GMT 0)
Hello,
You are not alone but I CERTAINLY DO understand how it feels like we always are alone. Very often I also trick myself into believing that I am the only one in the world with such a "weird" problem. The truth of it all, though, is that this is, I believe, a lot more common than we think it is. Not all of us are the exact same but for myself, only a handful of people closest to me know the truth about me. That would be my immediate family and my girlfriend. That's it. I imagine that many other people who have this problem also don't talk about it to many people. And often times we don't engage in any social activities and stay at home all the time. I hardly leave my house and when I do it is never for socializing. I'm hidden from the outside world and I like to imagine that many others are hiding just like I am. Nobody talks about us or sees us. We feel so alone and lonely all the time.
Health anxiety is definitely a major problem of mine. I almost always, 24/7, feel as though I'm sick with something. Sometimes I trick myself into believing that I have a specific illness such as cancer and other times I simply just feel sick without attaching labels. I constantly scour the internet in an attempt to self-diagnose or find help but that never works. I'm always inside my own head and I feel like I've totally lost interest in the outside world. I'm always thinking about myself, always analyzing myself, always gauging how I feel and trying to figure out why.
Recently, I've somewhat gotten over the health worries but this has been replaced with depression. Now I just feel an overwhelming sense of boredom, fatigue, stomach aches and loss of appetite. These symptoms, of course, refuel my health worries but I feel so depressed that I don't seem to even have the energy to worry about them like I used to.
I take comfort in the fact, though, that I've gone through this before and always come out. Depression has always passed for me eventually. One day I'm hoping and wishing and praying that I'll wake up to less gloom and doom and be able to find joy again.
You are not alone but I know, I really do know, how it can feel like you are. I even find that reading comments and responses here may bring me temporary and short-lived relief but it almost seems unreal, as if I'm not talking to real people. I assure you that I am real and that I've suffered with the same issues as you.